My husband had a EA 3 years ago. He insisted that there was not so much as kiss between him and OW. 6 months ago I tested positive for chlamydia (I have only ever slept with my husband) so after a lot of prodding my husband admitted to a ONS with a different woman. The details were sketchy and he insisted he didn't finish the 'act'. Well after months of turmoil for me I told him I couldn't go on. He then floored me with the announcement that he had never even kissed another woman in the 17 years since he met me. I couldn't believe him so he paid hundreds of pounds for a lie detector test which proved he was telling the truth. He has never even kissed anyone else <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> He tested negative for chlamydia as did I with the second test. It was a false positive (more common than I would ever have believed) I know I should be ecstatic and part of me is but after months of pain I can't get rid of the anger. It makes it even worse that he needlessly put me through this. His explanation? I was never going to believe him after his EA so he thought I might feel better with an explanation until the test results came back and proved that there was no disease. It didn't occur to him that even when the negatives results came back that I would still believe he had slept with someone. How could he put me through months of agony, watching my pain and knowing it was for nothing.

Maybe it's because he is a liar.

We have just come back from a great holiday. We spoke about everything that has gone on over the past few months. I finally feel that my husband has opened up, he is usually so deep! He admitted that when the results came back he was shocked. He knew he couldn't have given me an STD so obviously assumed that I had been with someone else. He says he didn't want to know the truth so he took the blame. Looking back, I was so angry and hurt at him for his 'betrayal' I didn't register his hurt and anger, I put it all down to guilt. With hindsight I can see things so differently. Just a warning for everyone else out there, don't assume the worst, mistakes happen with tests. Out of 4 tests between us only one was positive (my first). I have since had a blood test which confirmed that not only do I not have chlamydia but NEVER have had it!

Seems to me you two badly need couples counseling to learn how to communicate. A BUNCH of heartache and misery could have been avoided if you two had even rudimentary skills at getting things across to your spouse...and enough empathy to tell when the other is lying and when he or she is looking for support.

Yes Longhorn, we both realise that we have major problems, just not the ones we thought we had <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> We are working hard at putting this mess behind us and learning from it with the aid of MC

Did you attend the polygraph session or did you see a videotape of the polygraph session??

If he went..without your knowledge and input (meaning HE selected the polygrapher)...I wouldn't trust the results further than I can spit.

NOBODY takes a fall on this issue FOR MONTHS even. I don't buy it. He got a polygrapher to lie for him, he figured out how to beat the system and PRACTICED or he took a shot and hope he could fool the polygrapher and if he didn't you'd never know about it anyway cause he did it secretly (which made it a whole lot easier to beat the guy).

Polygraphy is a competition between the polygrapher and the "customer". Your husband won.

Your husband's story STINKS...from what I have read.

Mr. Wondering

Great, Dev. That's good to hear. May I suggest the last half of SAA is excellent guidance for any married couple in any situation?

Polygraphs are exceptionally accurate when done by a good examiner.
There are false positives for std tests.
But your H is either dumb as a log or paid to pass that test...if you know what I mean. Why would he admit to an affair he never had...reason...he wouldn't. Something is fishy here.

dev...Really this is one of the worst cases of BS Fog that I've ever seen...This makes NO logical sense whatsoever...NO ONE TAKES THE BLAME FOR AN AFFAIR THEY DIDN'T HAVE!!! Especially when they allegedly think they are the ones that have been betrayed...C'mon, surely you are not that naive! Your husband is LYING...I AM SURE...

Mrs. W

With all the talk about lie detector tests that have been going on, I remembered something that I read a long time ago about those tests.

Given that a lot of people have the capacity to deceive themselves, if a person BELIEVES something that is not true, he/she will likely come out as telling the truth about that thing on a polygraph.

Whether that's true or not, I have no idea.

Now, I'm wondering if it would be all that unusual for a man to physically cheat without ever kissing the OW.

it is true...but for a person to truly believe their lies are in fact reality, they would have to be a true psychotic.

No this is not true. Even by telling the truth you can be branded a lier with polygraphs. You have test questions then a 'real' question it measures your physical response. If you are in pain if you are sick or just angry at a certain question it will show it as you being a lier. They are not fun to take and you can Pass a question as "truth" when it is not. It is totally dependant on what wording is used in the question what those words 'mean' to the tester. Very high percentage of failure either for you or against you.
There is a reason they are not allowed in court.

What if a man is faced with day after day...

you cheated
you had an affair
you cheated
you had an affair..

day after day
minute after minute of every awake second in the home
day after day
minute after minute of every awake second in the home
day after day after day after day after day after day....

that it was a physcial affair...

for three years after it ended ....

and there was no peace even though he had ended the emotional part...and wanted so very very very badly
to get on with life with his wife and heal from the emotional affair.....

BUT

the only
the abosolute only acceptable answer on her part was to say it as physical...

even if it never went there.....

that was ALL and what she wanted she hear....

NOTHING else
no other answer acceptable and or believable...

three years post emotional affair...
and no farther along....

one might very well claim it got physical just to find some peace...all along he had denied consumation....(even stating a different partner....)

could absolutely be plausable

devastated/

did he needlessly put you through this...

or did you back him in to a corner and place your boot on his neck till he told you what you wanted to hear...

the real question is are you able to forgive and heal from the emotional affair\
is there no contact between him and her...etc etc etc

anything in this world is possible...anything

ARK

your facts are very off. And no, that's not the reason they are not allowed in court.

Yes Mr Wonderful I was present when he took the polygraph. We travelled 350 miles in order to go to the tester of my choice. The examination was conducted using a lafayette computerised polygraph that measures four sensor channels as required by the American Polygraph Association.


Yes, in hindsight, with a positive STD result, nothing but an admission of guilt and remorse was going to satisfy me. As for my husband he just wanted to bury everything. Whether it had been my affair or his he would have wanted to bury his head in the sand. He always does when there is a problem. He is working on this and I am working on not forcing issues before he is ready.

Incidently my MIL had a LTA and was separated from my FIL for years. When she came home she walked in and cooked dinner like she had never been gone. Neither my FIL nor her children (who had remained with their father) ever mentioned that she had been gone or anything of her total betrayal of her family. She has told me this more than once. My husband never mentions it. That is the way he and his father 'deal' with things.

LOL Dev...Yeah, I think he's "Mr. Wonderful" myself, but around here, at MB, he just goes by "Mr. Wondering! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. Wondering

LOL! A nice mistake to make.

With you 2 it's probably a case of

Wondering + Wondering = Wonderful <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />