And it's even more depressing when you know that the chances of an affair ending "happily ever after" are less than 3%. You might be lucky, but 97% aren't. And then there are still your children, who are trusting you not to shatter their world.

Thank you for your response....yes....

Does this thing work (tap, tap, check, one, two)?

End your affair. Your situation won't improve until you have NC with OM. I know what you are going through. My wife was the one who didn't meet my needs, but she is the one who had the affair. But I continued to persevere. I know that pushing your spouse to meet your emotional needs is draining, but with counseling and continuing to push, it can happen. However, there is no way that you can get him to meet your needs if you are having an affair. Like that's going to help the situation.

Have you ever considered that you may be too NEEDY, and that YOU have as big of a problem as your husband? You are perfectly willing to wh*re yourself out just because some POS shows you attention and tells you look and smell nice? You obviously need to have more respect for yourself. You don't NEED what OM gives you. You just aren't willing to do the work necessary to get your husband to meet your needs. That requires work. Why work at it, when you can just sleep with the OM and he gives you everything you want? Trust me, if this continues, you will eventually destroy your family and your children's lives. What kind of example to you want to be for them? A conflict avoider who cheats on their father?

I don't mean to chase you away, but I want you to seriously question how you are going about things. If you are trying to figure out which comes first, the chicken (ending your affair) or the egg (getting your husband to meet your needs), then the answer is the chicken (END YOUR AFFAIR).

Also, I can't begin to tell you how horrible it is to know that your wife is cheating on you. I wanted to die. I SERIOUSLY contemplated suicide. I couldn't eat, sleep, or function for MONTHS. How can your husband meet your needs when he is going through this?

I want to tell you a little of my story and help you if I can.

If the OM is such a great guy why not do the honorable thing and tell your husband and divorce him. I think having an affair is the worst thing you can do to your spouse. If your husband was not meeting your needs then as your husband he certainly has an obligation to try and meet them.

On the other hand having had a cheating wife they usually are not the kind of individuals that deserve having their needs met. What I mean by that is many wayward spouses are mean and nasty and self-centered. I am sure since you are cheating on your husband you are not meeting his needs. Your best is going to the other man and your husband probably gets left over’s if that.

I sure would have given anything to have my wife divorce me if I did not meet her needs. Although I was dearly trying to meet her needs I was having a hard time trying to figure out why she was so nasty to me when I was bending over backwards to try and make things better. When I figured out she was cheating then it was too late to save our marriage.

I did want my wife to be happy. I did want to have her needs met but I realized that she had found her happiness with another guy. I told her when I caught her that I understood that she was unhappy and I had been unhappy too. I told her since she had not met my needs my whole marriage and she had found a better man than me I was going to let her go and be with her OM.

Her OM did not turn out to be her prince charming in the end. All I could think of is if she would have just come to me and not cheated we could have saved our marriage. In her emails and other evidence even videos she thought far more of him then me and really I just wanted her to be happy but it turns out that the stupid lazy no good husband that she had and couldn’t stand was the one in the end that she begged to not divorce her.

The moral of this story is your husband should meet your needs. But I can’t believe how cruel you are to him. You’re probably a very nice person who would give the coat off of her back for anyone and yet you would stick a knife in the back of the one person you took vows with. Please end your affair and tell your husband and work on your marriage or give the man some dignity and don’t treat him with such disdain. Please think about it and I hope you do the right thing.

I will give you credit I can tell your calling out for help. I sure hope that you get some help and straighten out your life.

Thanks...

Wasn't the answer you were looking for? Sorry. I really hope you do the right thing.

How did your situation turn out??? Thank youy for being so candid....

Thank you for responding....

Unless u like creating and being drama.... you need to get out of the A.

Please read SAA (surviving an affair) & HNHN (his needs/her needs). Both are by Dr Harley and both will show you why you need to end the A and HOW to communicate with your H. C/b he doesn't meet your needs because he doesn't understand your female signals.....his deaf that way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Well I ended up divorcing my wife. She had never met my needs the whole marriage but I kept trying. She was never happy with me and I really could not explain why? She even told me later she still does not know why she treated me like she did?? I honestly don't think she knows why.

My wife and I had a talk for several years and she told me that if I ever cheated on her she would divorce me. I also told her the same if she cheats then I want out.

The thing is I really did love her very much. I felt very strongly though that since she slept with another guy that I did not want her anymore. She would do anything to please this guy but nothing for me. I was upset but I guess I thought that I should not stand in the way of a women that treated me so poor and loved this other guy.

Let's just say it did not work out for her. Her kids were very upset with her and I earned a good salary and we had a lot of nice things. She had to give them up in the end even though she did not want to. I am pretty sure though that it is what I earned and not a love for me that made her want me back so bad.

I gotta say though cheating is just so cruel to the spouse. I am sure you are miserable and I hope you are. It means that you also have a conscience in there telling you that things have to change.

Listen to that voice. Imagine if it was the other way around and your husband was doing it to you??

you still out there??