> First Date
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> If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when
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> you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or
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> not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.
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> Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date
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> that a woman ever had.
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> The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely
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> no question as to why her tale took the prize!
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> She said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken
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> her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah.
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> It was a day trip (no overnight). They were stran gers, after all, and truly
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> had never met before.
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> The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home
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> late that afternoon.
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> They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to
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> realize that she should not have had that extra latte.
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> They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the
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> middle of nowhere!
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> Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
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> Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point
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> where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road,
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> or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly
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> crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.
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> In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest
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> against the rear fender to steady herself.
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> Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed
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> was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about
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> was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the
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> situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another
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> sensation.
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> As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks
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> were firmly glued against the car's fender.
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> Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she
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> attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly
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> apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.
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> Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she
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> answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply
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> that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off" and in need of some assistance!
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> He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and
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> then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.
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> She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose
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> themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
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> Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a
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> real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly
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> cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!
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> > Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place,
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> both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.
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> So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his
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> pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in
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> laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that
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> should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing.
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> Jay Leno's comment... "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.
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> Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was
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> sitting next to her on the Leno show.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh my gosh, MEDC. That is hilarious. It is SOOOO good to laugh.

Thank you!

Wow talk about a for better or worse story!

True love conquers all! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for sharing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

MEDC,

Catching up on reading more of posts here. Hilariously funny, this priceless thread shouldn't be lost!

Thot I'd pass this one, sort of fits your theme...



Who's In Charge?

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.


"I should be in charge," said the brain "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."


" I should be in charge," said the blood" because I always circulate oxygen all over, so without me you'd all waste away."


"I should be in charge," said the stomach " because I process food and give all of you energy."


I should be in charge," said the legs " because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."


I should be in charge," said the eyes" because I allow the body to see where it is going."


I should be in charge, " said the bowel " because I'm responible for waste removal."


All the other body parts laughed at the bowel and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood became toxic.


All of the organs decided the bowel should be boss.


The moral of the story?



Some bum is usually in charge.

HILARIOUS MEDC Thanks for sharing.

I got this in my email about a week ago and I thought I was going to die laughing!! What a great story.

First date:

We ate Mexican food, which can sometimes have a gaseous effect on the lower bowels. It did. We were parked near the Zoo, Herman Park in Houston, the home of countless ducks. After chatting a while, the kind of get to know you sort of stuff, I had really, really bad pains.

So this being a first date, I did the polite thing and exited the car, walking to the rear bumper and gave vent to what was a near 10 second, 4 note explosion. This caught the attention of numerous ducks, who quacked their way over to see what was going on - or get a handout, or whatever.

I had more to give, so there I stood, venting to the applause of 20 or 30 ducks, who joined in the music with discordant quacks and a first date laughing hysterically in the front seat of the car.

Abashed, I got in the driver's seat and drove her home, entertained along the way by periodic explosions of laughter from the passenger's seat. Her only vocal comment was, "Next time just fart in the car, I'll roll down the window. My reply was, "That would spoil the fun."

Larry

I laughed my head off! Nice to read something "light" in the midst of this serious business of affairs. I have my own first date story to add.

When I was a single gal living in Houston, there was this handsome guy I sang with in the choir at church. He had a beautiful bass voice. He finally asked me out on a date. We went to a fancy restaurant and then took a stroll through a beautiful park. We stopped near a big tree and while I was standing beside it, he leaned in hoping for a kiss. When he got within inches of my lips I let out a scream that I'm sure was heard miles away.

I was standing smack dab in the middle of an ant hill and the ants were crawling up my pant legs! I ran all the way back to his car, swatting myself all the way. He eventually joined me, having no idea what was wrong with me. I had to show him the ant bites all up my legs to convince him that I had screamed because of them, not his attempt at getting a first date kiss!

End of story. He never asked me out again! His loss <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Don't you 'Merkins carry de-icer in the car when its below zero ?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I don't believe it for a moment but its a great story anyway !