Post deleted by Beignet64

Write the other man a no contact letter. It should say that the affair was a huge mistake, was devastating to your husband, who you love. Go on to say that you want no contact with him ever again for any reason. Then keep that promise.

That will allow him to work on his marriage, and you to start working on yours.

In the meantime, your husband and you should be spending 15 hours a week doing fun things together.

You THINK you love the other man. Your mind is playing tricks on you. You are slipping back into your problems BECAUSE you are still dwelling on OM and not your husband. Counseling is the cure, it just isn't a magic pill that happens overnight. Most marriages take 2 years to recover from infidelity. You need to keep working on the marriage and grinding it out even if you don't see results right now. It is typical for a BS around the 6 month point to let some anger and resentment sabotage some of his recovery efforts. Since you were the one who so callously betrayed your husband, you need to pick up the slack during this time instead of giving up and wondering "what if" with the OM. This takes willpower just like giving up booze or cigarettes, or losing weight. You will feel that it was worth it once you get through these rough times.