We had a court hearing yesterday. Because we cannot agree on any terms, we have another one in 30 days. My husband wants the house, although the does not fit in this community or anything. Well, the judge asked a lot of questions, and asked who wanted the house, how much the payments were, etc.. The judge the said if there was any way possible we needed to come to an agreement, and if there was a way possible to give me the house, because I would not be able to find a nice home for that price with a family. After the court, he said he still wanted the house! Ever after what the judge said. I want home, went throught everything we own. I am giving him 33.000 dollars worth of stuff we own, and I am walking out with 9000.00. I even gave him the bed we sleep in. I am trying to be fair.

Anyway, my mom is having surger today. My husband calls last night to tell me he hopes everything goes well today, and my mother is in his prayers. He hates my mother. He also said that is so hard to be around me, because he loves me, and it hurts that I don't love him back and have not for a long time. He then said I love you, and asked if I was holding up okay. He hasn't spoken to me in 28 days, and the prospal he sent to my lawyer was so hateful and mean. It wasn't even a prospal. It was a demand, and there were lies in it, like I removed his name from the joint checking, which I did not. He wanted to base all child support on 2006 income taxes, and he has double if not tripled his income this year.

The only think I can think of with this phone call is that he knows he has lost. Really it is not a win lose. I was so fair with all the items we own. Our stove, microwave, and oven are build in, so to be fair I gave him the fridge!

There was so much control and emotional abuse I do not want to go back into this marriage. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I don't know the circumstances that led to your divorce but it would appear that you are the one trying to get out. I'm sure my sitch was way different, but let me give you an opposing point of view. In my case, my WH wanted out and I didn't. He had devised a "plan" to separate our assets and possessions. Honestly, I was in far too much shock to think logically about this sort of stuff but for the first few weeks, that was the only conversation he was willing to have with me. Is this how you were with your STBX? Eventually, friends and family knocked some sense into me and made me realize that I NEEDED to think about this stuff - especially to protect myself. Since I was still very devastated over everything, I still wasn't completely rational. I did a complete 180 - instead of refusing to talk about it, I wanted everything. I fought with WH over every little thing he asked for, even though I was getting a far better "deal" (if you add up the dollars and cents). My knee-jerk response to everything was "no".

A few things I caved in on, a few I didn't. One thing I didn't cave on was the house, though at the very beginning I had even gotten pre-approved for a mortgage because I fully intended to move out. When I discovered that he was leaving me for OW, I grasped onto that house and didn't let it go, despite the fact that I commute 1 1/2 hours from work every day (we had been planning to move closer when DS finished college) AND the house is old and needs repairs that I can't do. I also refused to give him a bed - more for sentimintal reasions than anything. I basically acted exactly like your STBXH is acting now. It wasn't even that I really NEEDED this stuff - but I was already losing so much (him) that I couldn't bear to lose any more.

I don't know if that helps you understand him or not but I feel like I can relate to this sort of irrational thinking since it is so similar to what I did. Perhaps our reasons for separating are different, but the pain of losing a loved one is the same.