and am very nervous about it. i have no desire to join any other sites at this time. i have not done this online dating site thing before and find it scary. i have already weeded a ton of matches. in order to get any matches i had to put that i agreed to get matches from all over the country.

after many many matches i have narrowed it down to about 5. only a couple would be within driving distance and at that it will be at least about 2 hours or more. NOTHING locally. well, if you knew where i live that would be no shock to you.

i had 2 men want to go straight to "fast track" communication. neither from my state. one i closed immediately as i could tell from the message he left me he does not speak english as a first language! the other one... well, we shall see. i am a little put off by someone who wants to get to know me right away.

i am NOT looking to jump into another relationship right away and have my concerns about out of state ldr. that was something that was really hard in this last relationship. i guess i am just kind of looking to see what might be out there and make some friendships and see what happens. i have made it quite clear in my profile i am not interested in anything serious right away, just some new friendships.

i just think this sucks. life would have been so much easier if things had just worked out with gekko!

oh well, must move on.....

mlhb

was talking to my mother-in-law tonite and she mentioned that site. not sure how it works or if you can emphasize, but if you did, how were your matches compared faith wise?

Post deleted by mlhb

i am the one you want - lol. i know confidence is nice but that doesn't even fit borderline cocky. i am still laughing a few minutes later. i understand about not making faith the focal point. i've been in contact with a few women i've met online and none even go to church. not exactly what i want for a partner but i guess i'm just looking for friends too. it's kinda nice to chat at night and meet for lunch weekly.

i never thought i would actually look at online dating and honestly i see why now.

i only got like a trial thing. and i have closed everyone out. the problem? i still have many many feelings for someone else and truly, that is not fair to another person. i have found myself comparing. probably a good signal that i should not even be looking around.

i think my best bet is some alone time. keep working on me and my life. who knows. i am not unhappy at all. actually things are going very well for me thank you god. my job, my education, and getting my finances in order. it is all good right now. so really, i have no need to be tipping the apple cart of my happiness.

curiosity was just getting the better of me and i thought i would see what my future options might hold. yeah, well, it is looking like it will be just me and my kids for some time! LOL and that is totally ok. no big. life is good!

mlhb

well, it is going on 11pm here where i live which is late for me to be up. i cannot sleep and have a huge headache. this whole online thing is stressing me out (that much).

i've closed it out for now. anything that has me this in knots is obviously something i am NOT ready for. guess when i am, i will update you all.

you know, i needed about a year of alone time after my marriage ended before i was ready to try again. i may not have been in a marriage, but i was in a relationship with someone i loved (still do) a lot. i will need time again before i am ready. i see that now. boy do i see that now.

where's my sleepy time pills? need one tonight...

mlhb

so my subscription does not run out til the end of the month so i decided to meander on over and see what new and exciting matches were made for me today. it is amazing to me that these people are supposed to be like totally compatible with you.

here is me "close. close. close. close." close this match. LOL

i closed one because there was no pic at the time. since then there is now a pic.they can send you a message when you close them out and his said "i think you would think differently of me if you got to know me" (they are all prewritten responses, you can't write your own) he seemed nice enough (in writing anyway) so i am allowing communication. we'll see. it is that guided communication so you are not really talking to them at all.
he's from somewhere in my state i have never heard of. i'll have to look it up on a map.

eh, what the ****** right? probably won't get past guided communication anyway LOL.

i don't know how people do this online stuff on a regular basis. i actually find it rather annoying. but i am in such a small area i don't know how i will ever meet someone any other way really.

i probably shouldn't be doing this anyway, as i put in my other post, still having feelings for someone else. but i konw that that is never going to go anywhere. he has made that pretty clear. i can't hold on forever, and maybe the best way to get over it is to meet some new people.

i dunno.

mlhb

i'm kind of lmao at this eharmony thing... you should see the men i am getting matched with. first of all, they are like on the other side of the country! btdt.. i would only do ldr again with one person who shall remain nameless and in that case, would just freakin move all ready! so, anyone else just gets closed if they are not in my state. (or vt, because vt is a reasonable drive).

so, there was one from vermont. had a few communications back and forth (those of you who know eharmony know you don't actually talk to the person for quite sometime. you send these pre-written questions and then your must haves/can't stands) well, he sent his must haves/ can't stands and lets just say they were no where near matched with me! CLOSED.

and that is like it. there is one match in ny state, but they are from nyc... without talking to someone, you don't even know if they are from america if they are in the city. (not being judgemental here just saying..). and i will be honest and say i have no desire whatsoever to be any where near nyc except maybe for a weekend away. i like living quietly in the burbs (or even more quietly where i am).. so it is probably pointless to even talk to this person. but alas, he actually started communication with me so....

i'm not really interested and have been doing a lot of reflecting as of late. i have so much going for me. my job, my kids, my education, and my music, which i had been putting on the back burner being so caught up in other things. i need to remember what my values and beliefs are. and my core tells me that i should just let god and nature takes its course and not be trying to do it for them.

that is probably the best action to take right now.

but it is still kind of funny to see who you get paired up with. i sure don't think it is very accurate!

mlhb

mlhb! You brave girl, you!

The commercials for eharmony are filled with so much intrigue, like you are destined to meet your soulmate by following their system.

I'd probably get hooked up with my second cousin or something.

At least you weren't rejected. That happened to a friend of mine and he's still questioning his self worth.

My best friend got sent her xh as a potential match. That's when she lost faith in their matchmaking abilities...

hahahahaha!
she got sent her xh as a match! that is hysterical!

yeah, if nothing else i am getting a huge laugh out of this process and i need to laugh.

i am not looking for anything too seriously. bf and i just broke up over the summer and honestly, if we could work it out, i would be with him in a heartbeat. but since that is not where we are at, i thought i would look around. i've never done online dating and i am finding this just very amusing.

i am not on any other sites for online dating nor do i plan to be. like i said, i am not really taking this too seriously. i know a lot of people are on 3 or 4 sites at a time. i was only comfortable with eharmony because that way your pic and profile aren't out there for the whole world to see, just those who are matched up to you see them. i don't like the thought of some guy just parusing through page after page of profiles where mine just happens to be one. any weirdos could be looking! but then again, i haven't been matched up with my ex either! still lmao!

mlhb

closed. closed. closed. closed. LOL

i actually have 2 that are in guided communication right now. one from north carolina and one from chicago. a far cry from my state. i closed the one that was in my state. it went to open communication and in the first email he sent me through the site he gave me his email, his phone number, his IM, etc... i was like holy you know what! i don't want all that! that is why they have anonymous emailing for awhile until you are ready for that point. that just cried of wanting to move too fast and i closed him out immediately.

the other 2 have sent communication stating they both have no issue with ldr, neither one have children, and are both relocateable. yea, well, we shall see. i really don't know if i want to do ldr again. i was all ready to make plans to move and everything for this last one and my heart got broken pretty badly so i just don't know if i want to go that route again. we'll see if it even gets passed this guided communication...

got a bunch of new matches this morning and closed every one of them.

i just really don't care anymore.

off to shower and go to work. have a good day everyone.

mlhb

Post deleted by Immovingon

Yep. Unless you get my xh! Lucky for you, he's married and probably not on EHarmony.

well, if he is married i sure hope he is not LOL

the north carolina guy is in the army. i am only assuming that is where he is from, at least it must be where he lives right now. southern men are much different from the yankee ones LOL. at least they seem to be.... i don't know. i know i love it down there. i have always loved the carolinas and when i got to see georgia i absolutely loved it there as well. HOWEVER, agian, i am not sure i want to do the ldr thing again. i had never planned to with gekko, but it seemed so natural as our relationship progressed so well. i would have continued with that because i love him. BUT, to start out ldr with someone i do not even know? i dunno if i want to.

there were a bunch of matches again today. i deleted them all. one was actually from georgia. but alas, there is only one man in georgia i want and since i cannot have him, i don't want any from there!

all 2 contacts that i have been in guided communication with, both initiated it, and i have not heard anymore from either one for a day or 2. like i said, i am not going to renew at the end of the month. i am sure the right guy will come along on his own.

mlhb

got 6 more matches this a.m.
closed them all LOL

north carolina guy sent more communication.
i answered his questions.
we shall see.....

mlhb

I thought about e-harmony (would never even consider other online dating venues) but have decided I wouldn't want a man who had to resort to online dating LOL. I just picture having to tell people how we met LOL.

Right now I prefer just being me by myself and if/when I meet the man who will be my next husband it will be because we have the same hobbies, volunteer activities, church, recreational activities, etc.

I will admit thought that I am tempted to 'interview' any man who might show an interest as to what skills he has in auto and home maintenance LOL. Not that my WXH had a clue about home/appliacne/auto repair... but I had a (false?) sense of security when WXH was still around. If the car or washing machine was broke, if a pipe was leaking in the bathroom, my WXH didn't exactly get it fixed in a timely fashion BUT it wasn't MY problem to worry about and get fixed. I don't know how to fix those things and can't really afford to pay somebody else to. There have been a couple of guys from church who have helped fix some things just charging for materials and doing the labor for free. But the list of things needing repair is growing faster than I would want to burden my fellow-church-goers with... Also, I have a rent-to-own home so there is no standard landlord arrangement when it comes to home repairs. SO... now I have a growing interest in wanting my next husband to be handy with repairs LOL

so go on eharmony and when it comes to the section of what you are looking for in a man, put high standards on a mister fix it LOL

eharmony is the only one i would consider and i probably won't renew after my month is up. i am basically browsing right now and not seriously looking. i have been closing wayyyy more than i leave open. i have a whopping 2 in communication right now. one is from north carolina and he initiated and seems to take a while to respond. we are not in open communication yet, still those pre written questions. the other one is from ny state and again he initiated, but he is from near the city and from the way he types, i have to wonder if he is american. i know that sounds awful but i have this fear that men from nyc may be from another country LOL it is just such a melting pot there. it is hard to tell in how one writes where they are from. 2 matches i had you could definitely tell english was NOT their first language and they were closed immediately. no offense, but i am only interested in americans. like born and bred here.

if nothing else it is exposing me to potentials. i like that eharmony is anonymous and that i can close them out at any time and they don't have any of my personal info like my personal email and such. i feel much safer that way.

mlhb

mlhb,

This is from your other thread...


You are still hurting from your breakup with gekko so don't look for happiness in another relationship. You shouldn't be on eharmony period.

I can tell you this from experience. I rebounded (see the rebounding thread that was posted recently). Anyway, rebounding hurts both parties.

Wifty gave you some good advice recently. Manage the process of meeting people, observing people and setting expectations of what you want.

Tough time in your life right now...it will get better.

no, i agree keith.
actually, i have done a lot of thinking this weekend and decided to cancel out my profile and membership completely. i wasted 50 bucks but oh well... i know i am not ready for this right now.

i plan to continue working on me. i want to focus on being in prime health and physical condition, i want to concentrate on being the best at my job and getting my education done. i want to do some remodeling to my house. i want to get all of my finances completely in order. i let someone in and it didn't work out and i am severely disappointed that it did not.but i know really that i am not ready to let someone else in right now. i am not at my best for someone right now.

i am frustrated in that my ex has now been with ow going on 3 years and i hear there is talk of marriage, ow's ex already remarried as did gekkos. and yet, here i am... not having a relationship work out. just seems like that is the story of my life.

mlhb

mhlb,


These are all great things for you to do. And you will feel very fullfilled as you accomplish them. Take baby steps when working towards your goals.

You may fall back and sign up for eharmony again. (Hate to say it but it may happen.) I did a bunch of times and I now know I did it to find happiness when all it did was cause anxiety and stress.

I would love to find someone special in my life but right now, it is not a priority at all. Heck, I even forgot my eharmony password! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Right now I am having fun just being on my own (with my 2 kids of course!)

Don't beat yourself up when you stumble...learn from the experience.

Keith