I have a situation that I don't know what to do with. I could really use some advice. I came here three years ago after I found out H had a PA, and it really did help me sort things out, so I'm back. After his affair I tried to stay with him and work it out (we have 3 kids too.) I went to counseling, but it didn't help, and a year later I finally wanted to call it quits. I have been separated from my husband since May '06. We have gotten along pretty well since. He sees the kids 5-6 times/week. He calls everyday. We chat. We don't fight, no fighting over the kids or anything really. He pays enough child support to support me and and the three kids while I'm in school. If I need more money, I just call and ask, and he does whatever he can to help. He has done this since he left. All this time though, neither of us have filed for divorce. I went and GOT the paperwork, but it has been sitting for over a year now collecting dust. He hasn't attempted to file, or even mentioned it for that matter. I'm not really sure why really, we just are still technically married.

Well...yesterday was our 10 year anniversary. I didn't think much of it really, last year we completely ignored it as if it didn't exist. He picked up the kids as usual but later when he brought them back he stuck around for awhile and watched TV after the kids went to bed. Well I said something stupid, "lets go have a quickie for old times sake," totally joking, and unbelieveably we did the deed. We were both so caught up in each other, and all the emotions came back. It was just so bizarre because I don't regret it, and I don't think he did either. I don't feel dirty or icky. I know it was a special day, and we were both susceptible to that.

I am just feeling really bad today because my stomach is in complete knots. My heart feels very very heavy. Its just that we completely connected in a way that hadn't happened in years. I mean when he left last year, we hadn't even said I love you in 6 months. I don't know what to expect, nothing makes sense. Do you guys think we just messed everything up? Or could we go on like nothing happened? I am so so very confused. And worse than that I'm scared that it may have meant nothing to him.

Any advice for me? Its kind of a different situation because we talked about divorce briefly right after he left, but not since. Almost like neither of us *really* want it. I am just seriously confused.

Sarah

It sounds like the reason for the separation was because that was what YOU wanted. Perhaps he's been hanging back, being a friend and trying to support you in hopes that at some point you would be ready to give it another try.

Maybe that's where you are now? Ready to try again?

I wouldn't jump into anything quickly, but it sounds like the two of you could certainly think about dating each other again and working through the MB stuff so that you know where you both stand with everything. It sounds like you already see each other all the time (kid related though).

Maybe you could ask him out to dinner (with no kids) and see where he is in this process. You could either both be thinking the same thing, or not...but you won't know until you ask...

So. Like, are we to believe that he's been a EUNICH with no sex all this time? I don't think so.
JMHO.
S-TDL