Ok I have been here before but not THIS board. I will try and give a really brief background on the situation. H and I married for almost 18 yrs with 3 sons. During the 18 yrs we have had alot of hurt and pain between us. It started w/ him hiding porn over and over, then escalated into him getting fired for sexual harrassment. Throughout the years it was on and off over and over again. Then he looked up an ex girlfriend and started an EA with her. This almost caused a divorce. We started marraige counceling and got through it. However it was one thing after another time and time again.

2 yrs ago he started requesting I sleep w/ other people. This hurt me inside emotionally that he would want this. At the time his brother was here all the time so I started confiding in him. Slowly developing a relationship emotionally with him. H started suggesting I sleep w/ brother. Eventually I did. We had an affair for a few months that H knew about - this turned him on. It was getting too hard for me to seperate feelings so we ended affair. H also wanted a 3 some. Well this happened as well with a close friend of ours (she is married). I freaked out afterwards and was devastated.

Then he started suggesting I go out and find a stranger that wasnt so close to us. I ended up meeting a nice man who I started an EA with. I never told H. That was one of his stipulations was that I had to tell all. He found out and we split up for 4 days. We startedextensive marraige counceling and therapy and found out H is a sexual addict and has bipolar.

So we are about 5 months into recovery and doing alright, until I get a rude phone call from the friend we had the 3some w/. He has been txt messaging her and wanting to meet with her privatly. I went off the deep end and kicked him out and filed for divorce 48 hours later.

Now he is coming tonight to do laundry and visit kids and we can talk somewhat later. We have been talking a little about getting back together IF certain stipulations are followed. However I cant go through the pain I just went through the first 3-4 days after he left. I was in dire internal turmoil and the kids werent all that good either. Now 6 days later I am still hurting badly but doing a little better than those first few days. Kids have finally stopped crying and seem more normal again.

I am worried that if I take him back that he will hurt me again, but I love him and he SAYS he loves me too. I dont know what to do. he said he txt'd her because I wasnt giving him enough sex. He is trying to put the blame on me with it which makes me mad. Family and friends are all against us working it out except my dad and 2 friends. I know if we work it out we will lose alot of people. I dont know if I am thinkingt clearly about this.

How much is too much. he wants to work it out if I give him enough sex. SIGH I dont know if I should try or just keep going forward in the healing process and divorce. I have lost 12 lbs in a week because I have not even been able to eat. Its as if we both love each other alot, but cannot live with each others faults. I know the kids would be better off with their dad here.

I know we will talk about this tonight.....which by the way everyone is strongly suggesting I dont even let him come over tonight. This is a huge mess and I dont know what to do. Please help............................I hurt so bad and cant even think straight.