Hi everyone

Here's my story. My WH and I have been separated since 6/27. He had an affair and has gone to live with OW. I don't think there is any chance that we will reconcile so I am focusing on trying to get him to sign a separation agreement, which he refuses to do. I retained an attorney in May, about one month after I found out about the affair.

Here are the basic facts as it relates to divorce in my state:

1. Neither of us can file for divorce until 12 months after we have been separated (i.e. living apart)

2. We do not have any children so child support/visitation is not an issue.

3. I am the spouse who made the most money in the M--quite a bit more actually. Since he had an affair and is living with OW he cannot ever get alimony or post separation support from me.

4. The only issue is the division of marital property. All of our credit card and car loan debts were our own individually so there is no division issue there. But we do have a home that we own jointly and there are the retirement accounts to split 50/50.

For me the retirement accounts are the issue. I am 40 years old and have worked hard to build up a pretty decent 401k account. I don't want to hand half of it over to WH to spend on OW or whatever. Especially when I consider the fact that I might have to support myself as a single woman in retirement.

My attorney says that if I don't get WH to sign a separation agreement where we mutually waive our rights to each other's 401ks, the court will divide them 50/50 per the law. And getting half of my WH's 401k is of no help to me because unlike me, he has barely saved anything.

Does anyone have advice as to how to get him to sign off on the LSA so he doesn't get my 401k? I just want to get to keep what I now view is rightfully mine, sell the house and split the proceeds with him, and move on. I think I could have gotten him to agree to sign off on almost anything just after the affair was discovered because he was so guilty, but now he has been influenced by OW and a couple of friends of his. He also does not have a lawyer, but he does not need a lawyer to get the 401k funds.

Please help. Any solid advice is appreciated and welcome.

Thanks

Smartiepants2

My only advice is to appeal to his sense of fairness. What is "fair" ..that is usually in the eye of the beholder. My STBXH thinks me getting nothing is "fair"... he earned all of the big money so I shouldn't get anything...

Good luck - you're only 40 - and have many years to retirment.