My H has been a serial cheater in our six year marriage. He has been with five different women. This summer we separated cause he was having another affair. He came back to me the beginning of September and had ended the affair. He said all the right things and I was trying very hard to meet his ENs. The 2nd week he was distant and turns out he was seeing her too. I saw them together and confronted him. He said that he was going to be with her and sorry he couldn't make me happy. He has been living with her now for almost a month. I proceeded with the divorce. I am 7 months pregnant and very emotional. I am forced to get this divorce. I don't want to break up our family. I have 2 step kids and we have a 4 year old together and I am pregnant with 2nd child. I haven't contacted him but text him last week about the baby. There are some complications and I thought to tell him. I asked if he could say a prayer and he text me back and said he would. He then asked, "how r u"? I think he feels alittle guilty. He even asked if I needed some money and transfered some to my bank account. Last Friday, he got the divorce papers of everything that I want in the divorce. I am asking for everything that I can get and willing to negotiate though. I don't want to until court in two weeks when I have my lawyer present. He hasn't contacted me but I heard from his mother that he was really, really upset. Why do I feel bad? He has hurt me and hurt me and this is just the mere consequences of his actions.

Today, I am feeling pretty lonely and vulnerable. I wish I could just stop this whole divorce and work on our marriage. I love him but I think he is in love with this OW or thinks he is. He is upset seeing the reality of his consequences which affects his pocket book. He told his mother that I wasn't a christian because I am asking for way too much from the divorce. I couldn't believe he would say that I am not a christian. Here he is having an affair and living with OW. Today I feel like communicating with him and asking him if he wants this divorce but I know I will just get hurt. He keeps saying that he is done and wants me to move on. I know I deserve better but at times I really miss him, our family we built together, etc. I fear he is so far gone that he doesn't care he will ruin his family. Everyone knows at work, community, church about his A and he doesn't care. He just keeps saying how we have grown apart and this OW makes him happy. Right now but reality is settling in. We have a 4 year old boy together and he has only seen him in the last 3 weeks only 3 hours. Part of me doesn't even want him back and I am getting use to being alone. Then, certain days I really miss him and still have some hope that he will be willing to change now that he sees the direct consequences of his actions. Any words of encouragement?

Five affairs in 6 years doesn't bode well for the future. Sounds like you husband has a huge problem. How long did you know him before you married him?

I would hold out for the best possible settlement since you will have 2 children.

I met my H 1 month before I went on a 1 1/2 mission for my church. He was very strong in our church and in his values. We wrote each other during this 1 1/2 year and established a friendship and he was such a spiritual strength to me. Six months after I returned we were married. Everything clicked and I knew he was the one even before I left. He didn't date or see any women during this time. We were really in love. I guess I have been holding on to the past and hoping that he can be like that again and we could be in love like that again. It seems since his first affair things just went down hill and he kept repeating having affairs. Each time I tried to trust him and get to the point of forgiving him, he would do it again. I know he needs help and has an addiction, but I know I can't help him and it looks like he doesn't want help. He will just keep going from women to women. It just kills me cause I know what he was and what he could be.

Suzanne,

Please don't listen to your WH's analysis of your Christian faith. My WH told me the EXACT same thing when I said that I would be seeking my full entitlement under the law in our divorce.

He actually told me he was going to call my pastor and "tell on me"...I was like, yeah, go ahead and tell him why you are divorcing me too and see if he agrees that I AM the one who is "bad Christian".

Fortunately (or unfortunately I can't decide yet), my WH claims that he never was a Christian now, so he can't be swayed by anyone who is one. God will have to deal with him. And God will deal with your WH too.

Please don't let him guilt you into negotiating anything. You need to take care of your kids and yourself. This is part of letting the consequences of his adultery fall on HIS shoulders. You do not need to bear his burden for his sin.

I'm sorry you have been hurt so much by your WH over your marriage. I too am pregnant and my WH left me for the OW when I was 6 months along. I am now in my 9th month and will have my c-section on Wednesday. This is such a horrible time for their betrayal, but rest assured that God knows what's happening and He will take care of His own.


Sara

Sara, thanks for the advice. I hope for my family to be together but I know it is better for my children to get the divorce and worry about ME for once. He is setting the bad example and knows what he is doing is wrong. I haven't done anything wrong but seek justice under the law for what is legally entitled to me. I am willing to negotiate in court cause I am asking for 400 dollars a week for child support and alimony and he brings home 500 a week. So, we will see what the judge says. I am wanting to relocate and get out of this situation. I am originally 2 hours away from where I presently live. My WH says that I am not doing what is best for the kids taking them away, but I feel I am if they see their mother more happy and provide them better opportunities.

Will you give your newborn child your WH last name? I will give my new daughter my maiden name. Will you change your last name to your maiden name? See my 4 year old will have my H last name and my new daugther will have my maiden name. I am debating changing my name back but if I remarried then I will have to change it again. Have you thought about that?

Has your WH been more compassionate towards you about you having the baby? Will you allow him in the delivery room? Thanks.

So you actually new him in person for about 7 months? I don't know how a person can be strong in their faith, and then completely change. I wonder how long he was in his religion before he met you?

Anyway, he may be a sex addict, and there is help at Recovery Nation, and help for spouses. But it sounds like he doesn't want help right now.

Have you exposed to your church?

Please check out my post for web sites that I am using to combat the "emotionally unavailable" sexist man I became after making such strong vows! I am understanding, and it might help you if you can get him to pay attention to these things! I hope it helps!

I am keeping my married name and giving my daughter her father's last name. To me, they are his children and though he is being so horrible right now, I still want him to have contact.

He will not be present for the delivery, but he is going to visit her later in the day. He doesn't like my family (especially my mother) so he's ok with not being there.

He seems to "forget" that I'm pregnant a lot. It's like it's unreal for him or something. He just seems to be in a daze most of the time about our marriage and the fact that he is going to have a daughter in 3 days.

He has asked me how I'm doing and how the OB visits are, but other than that he's only bought our daughter one outfit and that was 4 months before he moved out.

It's sad that men have to be so immature and selfish like that, but God is the only one that can change a man.

WH has been excommunicated from church but was still going to church every Sunday. When he came back to me for those two weeks I talked about him getting some professional help but he was still defensive and said that I was just putting it back in his face and not forgiving him. I was trying to recognize that he has a problem. He acknowledge that he did but did not put in effort to seek counseling. I made an appt. for both of us to go to counseling and I found a counselor for him to see individually. I told him and he just said okay but as I realized he was seeing OW at this time while coming home to me. I don't think he recognizes his problem and we are not talking. There is too much damage and the divorce is going forward unfortunately. I also pray for him that he can humble himself to get some help.

Suzanne, I implore you to remove yourself and your children from this abusive situation. He can only drag you down deeper into his sewer. No good can come of this. Your H has no intention of changing, this is not about "unmet needs" but about either a serious character defect or a mental problem. It does you no good to stay around for more abuse. Women have nervous breakdowns from living in this kind of environment, Suzanne.

Protect yourself, please, before you drown with your H.

I am trying. We go to court in less than 2 weeks. Either he will try to drag it out and be controlling and say that he needs more time to get a lawyer or he will negoitiate with me. My biggest want is to move. I am surrounded by his family and the past. I have no family down here but his. They are supportive but still their loyalty will always be towards WH. I asked for alot in the divorce but willing to dicker down in order for me to move. I have a feeling that he won't fight me if he doesn't have to pay alimony.

I know our marriage is over but at times it is hard to completely let go. Yes, part of me still has a speck of hope but I know he is not going to change unless he falls flat on his face and I have been enabling him all these years cause I have tried to work it out with him but he keeps cheating on me. Thanks for the encouragement for me to keep moving on.