I've been married 5 years, and for the past year, I've been having an affair with my husband's brother. It's been on and off (with an extended off period from Jan - July of this year), but in the last three months it's gotten much more involved than ever before. The last time I was with his brother (a week ago) I realized that everything is better with my husband. The sex, the relationship, the conversation... Everything is just better with my husband. But I still find myself drawn to his brother. Seeing an email from him makes my entire day. I can't figure out why I still want him. I know in my head that the sex is more pleasurable with my husband, or that spending time with my husband is more fun, or that talking to my husband is easier. But yet I still want to be with his brother. I can't figure out what need his brother is meeting that my husband isn't, because my husband meets my every need. He's perfect. Just this week he bought me flowers for no reason, just because he loves me. He's always telling me and showing me how much he loves me. I won't bore you with all the details, but he is really everything I could ever ask for in a mate and more.

The only thing that's better is about his brother is the way he holds me... He holds on so tight like he never wants to let me go... When we spend time together, he never takes his hands off me, whether it's just holding my hand, putting his arm around me, rubbing my back, and holding me close at night. My husband isn't very snuggly, although he will definitely hold me close and do all those things if I initiate it, he's just not the initiator.

I can't figure out why I'm doing this... I'm not even really attracted to his brother... physically or even as a person.. I'm definitely not in love with him. I wouldn't rather be with him than my husband. I can't figure out why I'm doing this.

But I don't want to stop.

I don't even want to post this.

I. don't. want. to. stop.

Well let me at least welcomn you to the MB forum.

Lot's of pros will come in here soon so hang onto yor hat.

If you thought for one minute that what you are doing wasn't wrong, this would be the last place you would show up. Can we start with that?

Need more info. Any children? Is your lover M'd?
does your H have any idea?(stupid Q of course he doesn't)

Hang on,
the answers to unravelel this mess are coming.

All blessings,
Jerry

Thank you for the welcome Jerry.

No kids.
Brother isn't married.
Husband has no idea...

Wow. First of all let me say that I am still relatively new myself (only been here a few months)... That being said, the first response that I have is...

A. Tell your husband what is going on.
B. Cut off all contact with BIL. It is killing your marriage.
C. Bring your DH to the MB and try to do everything that they suggest to repair the damage done to your M. They have never steered me wrong!
D. Pray. about. it. continually.

Hope this helps.

no one here can help you unless you are willing to end the affair...

and the cruel pain you are acting on your husband is horrific....

are you planning on stopping causing that pain to him inspite of your feelings....

ARK

sleeper, the first thing that needs to happen here is that your husband needs to be told the truth. This is information about his life that is being wrongfully withheld from him. He must know so he can protect himself from you and his brother.

To not tell him is cruel, manipulative and DANGEROUS. To not tell him is to keep him in a marriage based on a LIE, like he is your PET. How disgracefully disrespectful to another human being.

We cannot help you until you tell your H the truth, that has to be the first step. There is no help for you until the truth comes out and your victim knows.

MelodyLane I TOTALLY agree with what you posted:

"To not tell him is to keep him in a marriage based on a LIE, like he is your PET. How disgracefully disrespectful to another human being."

How incredibly pompous, immoral, and selfish that is.

It's not 'just' the adultery that is so wrong but also the secrecy and lying. The more distance I get from my WXH the more I can see how utterly despicable and unworthy of me he is. The more I get used to being by myself now the more I agree with Dr. Harley's personal decision to not stay with an adulterous spouse - period.

Sleeper: Tell your husband the truth and if you're really lucky he will stand by you while you repair the damage you've done. Most likely he will find out someday anyway, ESPECIALLY since you are screwing his own brother! (How stupid is THAT?!?! AND how incredibly hateful and cruel is THAT?!?!?) You are going to get CAUGHT. And getting caught vs. confessing is a pretty stupid choice.