Told you that you are not able to stick to your plan B. Your behavior clearly indicated so. You should have stick to plan A or try harder with your plan B instead of this lousy plan B. It totally backfired.

That phone call was clearly the OW, otherwise she would have put it right in your face to show you her mom's number. That trip of hers, it was clearly what you and his W thought it was. ******edit********

One of the things on my WW list o take care of, was to get some clothes and blankets out of storage, for her parents and sisters visit, over the next two weeks. I met her at the mini storage looking the best I could, we went to the storage unit and started going through some of our things. She seemed very sad. I made sure to find our wedding albumn and tell her that it was a great day for me. She said it was for her too. Once we had everything loaded, on the cart and down to the cars, it was pretty obvious that she wouldn't be able to get everything in the car (she has a 2 seat sports car). So we put the things in my truck and drove to her place. She has done a great job decorating. She doesn't have any pictures of OM up, but the only picture she had of me was one in a silver frame that says, "My Love" she had it face down on her dresser. On the way out I told her that I am sorry I couldn't be there for her surgery and that I will be thinking of her. On our way out to the cars, I gave her a get well card and asked her to read it. She had to meet someone so she got in her car and we both drove off, without so much as a good bye...

Ryan

IWQ:

Plan IWQ is pretty hard isn't it?

Plan A, or Plan B. Or, better yet, Plan Jennifer.

Stay with SOMETHING.

Consistency from you WILL work. It may not recover your M. But it WILL recover YOU.

At dinner the other night? "I don't do seperation, I do marriage." Good.

Asking about the Phone? Bad.

Sending Plan B letter and then having dinner? Bad.

Plan B doesn't mean "respond when she sends 5 or more things to discuss, and ignore her the rest of the time"

In her apartment? I would have put the photo back up.

She probably doesn't have ANY pictures of OM. Do not expect to ever see them.

So, get back to Plan Jennifer, OK?

Helping her move the things and using your truck to make it easier, could have been a good plan A moment, but, You should have sorted the stuff, scored as many points as possible, (good job with the wedding album) then let her carry it home. She WANTS this. Let HER DO it.

That's why stating "I do marriage, not divorce!" Pisses her off so bad. Because then it's HER fault. Not yours. And IT can NEVER be the Wayards FAULT.

Remember that.

Plan Jennifer.

LG

Nothing new. I haven't talked to her in a couple of days. Yesterday I sent her some photos of the dog and I out having fun. She loves the dog, and I thought it would make her think about us together. I didn't get much of a reply back just, "That the dog is a great dog" "Thanks" I was waiting for some fallout about telling OM's, Sister, Mother, Father, but I don't think she is going to talk to me about it. I am going to do my best to just weather the storm and see if any pressure will break up the affair. I know now that there is nothing I can do, I can't talk to her out of it, Ask her to stop, Beg her, etc. She or the OM will have to do the right thing and end it. I am fairly convinced that it will end eventually, unless the OM leaves his kids and moves from NY to DC. But he always told my wife that his kids were the most important thing in the world to him (I read his emails and letters). I know my wife won't leave the new job that she has just started, so I don't know how they will be together. Oh well I guess that is one of those questions that you could drive yourself crazy over.

Ryan.

Is this what Jennifer suggested?

Jennifer suggests that I still try to PLAN A through letters and such. As long as I can detach myself and not expect anything in return. I can do that for a while, before it really starts to hurt me. WW is going in for Surgery on the 14th, I ordered flowers to be delivered, just so she knows I am still thinking about her. My initial PLAN A was poor because like now, I had a hard time controlling my emotions. I think Jennifer has a good idea, with the letters, because I can think about everything without emotions getting the best of me. I can also run them by Jennifer so that she can take a look at them. When I took my WW's things to her apartment, she mentioned that she was reading my letters, even though I never brought it up. That makes me think that, the letters might be a good way to communicate with her.

Ryan.

IWQ:

Yes, the letter ARE a good way to communicate with her.

She even BROUGHT them up.

So stay with Plan Jennifer!

Stuff your emotions. It's tough, I know. But DO it.

At least until Jennier advises your differently.

This is the "Long March"

It's alot tougher with holes in your feet.

LG

Search mywifeilove or mywifeIlove.

He posted here last year.

His wife moved out and in with OM.

He went into Plan B.

Then...after recharging a few weeks and calling Steve for advice decided to go back into Plan A.

It worked.

It's an inspirational story.

He Plan A'ed his wife WHILE she lived with OM.

I'll see about finding a link and edit this post with it.

got it --- mywifeilove's 1st thread

there are 3 big threads in all. I think the 2nd one is where he goes to plan b then back to plan a. His mindset in doing so is what I'd like you to read. He was oblivious to the pain at that point. He didn't invest in an outcome. If I recall he did it to save his wife. She could no longer hurt him with her actions.

Mr. Wondering

Mr. Wondering,

Wow those threads, by MywifeIlove are very interesting. His situation was a little different then mine in that they had kids together and were able to see each other through the children exchange. I will say that I am intrigued that he did a poor PLAN A, his wife moved out, he tried PLAN B, but it wasn't for him and he went back to PLAN A and was able to win his wife back. It seems a lot like what I have been waffling through. I did a horrible PLAN A when I first found out. I knew nothing about Marriagebuilders, and I would LB and try to educate her and pretty much just push relationship talk 24/7. She eventually moved out and I still had a hard time with PLAN A, because I wanted/needed to talk about our relationship. Now that she has been gone, and I tried PLAN B, I know that I am not ready to lose her.

I met her tonight after work so that she could spend some time with the dog. We met at the dog park. I looked good and played it cool. We talked about the dog, work, her parents, friends, etc. It was the first time that she really talked to me, and I felt like I was meeting her emotional need for conversation.. It was short maybe 35 minutes, but she stayed close to me and we talked the whole time. We got to the cars and she handed me somethings for the dog. I told her good luck tomorrow and she promised someone would contact me as soon as the surgery was over to tell me how it went. I got in the car and rolled down the window to tell her I would be thinking about her tomorrow and she waved very enthusiastically. I know it is odd to get excited about a 35 minute meeting at the dog park, but I think it was a good meeting for me.

Ryan.

Well all in all it was family time....for her....she was with you and your four legged fur kid (yes I said Kid).....it must have made her feel something. I think you did good. It will remind her of what she is missing....will you be going to the hospital at all?

I really want to go with her to the hospital, but she has asked that I don't. I am not sure if OM is here and going with her. I am planning a little recon. later to see if her parents are actually at her apartment (they are supposed to fly in tonight) The scary thing was that I saw a SUV with NY plates and a visitors sticker in her parking lot. I don't know what to think, if OM was her from NY, why was my wife at work and not spending time with him, or why did she come and meet us at the dog park if OM was waiting at her apartment for her? I hope it is all a coincidence, but who knows. Rollercoasters, got to love them.

Ryan.

Well just thinking while she is in surgery....where will her cell phone be.....maybe you could pop in with some flowers.....So what if OM is there you are her husband....HE is not....you have more right to check on her well being than he does....and wouldn't his wife love to know where he is if he is there....

Surviving,

I know where you are going with this and I would love to be there, but I think this is one of those times when it might be wise to respect my wife's wishes. I am having flowers delivered to her home for after the surgery. I hope that it is just her and her parents, but the SUV with NY plates has me worried. I would love to think that letting his wife know would do something, but she has already said that they are over and what he does is his business.

Ryan.

If you're really worried about that SUV, why don't you copy down the license plate number and find out to whom the vehicle belongs. If you don't have a PI friend who can run them for you, hire one for this specific job. Alternately, stick around some evenings to see who gets into the SUV, or have a friend do that, or have a PI do it for you.

I have some questions for you about Plan Jennifer, if you don't mind. First, how long do you and she anticipate doing this long-distance Plan A, and (second) what do you do when that time limit has been reached? I'm not trying to be confrontational, btw. I'm genuinely curious because I just can't see where the path is leading.

You have every right to be at that surgery, she is your wife. Bring the flowers with you. So what if OM is there? Make him feel uncomfortable, afterall, its your wife!

You may have another chance to report his behavior to his superiors...as an eyewitness!

Longhorn,

I think that the PLAN we established was because I had done such a horrible PLAN A. This allows me to let my wife know that I have changed. Jennifer suggested that I do all of it through letters, because at the time my wife was unreceptive to any communication (No phone, emails, texts, etc.) Well she seems to be a little more receptive right now.... i don't know if she is vulnerable because of her surgery or because she is truely withdrawing from OM? If they are indeed done? I am now just trying to show her the side of me that doesn't argue about relationship, or affairs. I am just trying to show her, Conversation, Affection, and Admiration - her top 3 EN.

Ryan.

Okay, but how long do you see this going on, Ryan? How long CAN you sustain something like that, and what do you do when the stress and frustration become too much?

LH

Longhorn,

You are right about the pressure of keeping it up. It is hard to see my wife and not be able to reach out to her, or know that she is going to a different house. I honestly believe that her and the OM won't workout.... I know that is a very skewed vision, but I want to be able to show my wife that I am a great alternative to OM or any man for that matter. I am a good guy and I have always treated her well, but I didn't understand her needs, and had become depressed. I am hoping that she can start to see the me that I am and will be. If it becomes to hard, I will go to PLAN B, again to save myself and preserve what feelings I have for my wife. I would like to try and carry on with PLAN A through the holidays, but it will come down to how my wife reacts.

Ryan.

Okay, just so long as you have in mind the limitations of whatever you're going to do...and what you're going to do if Plan A doesn't bring the results we all hope it will.

LH