It has been almost a year since infidelity and almost nine months since discovery. How long before I stop feeling threatened every time a woman pays a little attention to my H? This weekend, I was waiting tables and my H came out to meet a married couple we are friends with for a drink. After they left, one of his friends sisters, which I know pretty well, sat down and started talking to him, she is single and young and cute. She had her hand on his arm and they were talking together and it really bothered me. I walked up to the table and they both just stopped and looked up at me, she said that they were having a discussion about her married friends not keeping in touch with her and she wondered why. That may have been what they were talking about, but when I asked the next day, my H said they were talking about her brothers state of mind since he just broke up with his girlfriend. It still is bothering me and I don't know what to do about it.

Trish - I don't know how long it takes - you are just a bit further along in time on the healing journey. I do know that I am no longer feeling threatened by other unknown women in general because I have gained trust as time goes on. However, I still feel very threatened by the ow as she still works with H. I still can't watch movies with any romance or affairs as every actress who even slightly resembles the ow reminds me. As to the conversation you interupted, I was thinking both the woman's version and your husband's explanation may both be accurate - perhaps they briefly spoke about both the topics you mentioned. Please try not to dwell on it - it does slowly get better.

sweetpea I feel for you so much.My hubby hasnt cheated in "the real world" that I know of but it hurts very much when they do it on here.We or should I say I cant get over it...it doesnt help much that he still flirts...my thought are with you..I will never understand why they do the stuff they do when they seem happy with us..wish I could understand

Trish...<P>I can understand how you feel. My H & I are in 7 months of recovery. About 2 months ago, we went on a trip to my home-town. I saw friends whom I hadn't seen in a long time. We were having a picnic at the park and my friend wanted to take her kids & our kids to the playground area.<P>I was too busy with guests, so she asked my H if he can help her watch the kids since they were 4 preschoolers and the park was crowded.<P>My friend is attractive with a super personality and I have always been a little envious of her.<P>It bothered me when both of them went to the playground together with our kids. My H didn't see anything wrong with it. My friend didn't think anything of it (she doesn't know about my H's former affair).<P>So, I don't really know how long it takes before the insecurity subsides. I just think that it is normal to feel this way. Doesn't Dr. Harley say in his book that it takes a minimum of 2 years to recover from a spouse's infidelity?

HHello Trish<BR> I do understand your feelings. I have never cheated on anyone but have had it done to me more than once. I have tried to ignore it but all that does is make you feel angry with them for doing this to you, bringing back all that pain. You just can't believe that they wouldn't be thinking of you feelings after they have hurt you so much. Even though it is hard you have to let him know in a non-threatening way that it still hurts & ask him if he could help you with that. He may surprise you. Good luck I hope you are doing better<BR><P>------------------<BR>

I know exactly what y'all mean. A month ago, we changed uniform companies. The representative for the new company is a woman--a petite blonde (H seems to be attracted to petite women). She also cast a few admiring glances toward him (also seems like petite women like big men). She also "came on to" our son. She left her card with her beeper number on the back, and then wrote her beeper number on the back of another card while saying, "Here's my beeper number in case H needs it." Needless to say, I made sure <B>I</B> got that card! All business is handled out of the office, and H is darned sure NOT gonna get her beeper number!<P>And, then, we ran into this woman and her friend at the cafe down the street (not OW's). We've chatted with her before, but H doesn't seem especially attracted to her, although she is a very attractive woman (but I think she's a few years older than H). As we were leaving, we stopped to speak to another couple we knew. I noticed that the woman kept looking around at H as she was talking to her friend. It was the sort of thing that we often see in teenagers...the excited looks at a boy and talking about him to our friends, know what I mean?<P>So, I'm having to deal with a whole new side of myself. I was <B>never</B> the jealous type, and H has told me that he was glad I wasn't. Alas, it would probably have been better if I had become jealous a long time ago. Maybe I wouldn't have been so <B>blind</B>!<P>H is going on a pheasant hunting trip to South Dakota this weekend, and it's already killing me. I don't know if the guy he's going with is into cheating, but I suspect that he may be. So, I'm scared that H will once again think that he can get away with another fling. I've even considered doing iron-on transfers that say "This @$$ is <B>MINE</B>!" on the back of all his underwear, along with iron-on transfers of lips on the front. But, I guess I'll control myself and just hide some really mushy stuff in his bags and his wallet. Anything to keep him remembering <B>ME</B>!!