Iwont,

To paraphrase an old military saying that goes "if you gotem smokem? If you gotem sendem. They need to see what he has been doing and if these were sent to your residence for your W, then they need to know what kind of a man they are dealing with.

Frankly if he has clearances his behavior is truly unacceptable and incompatible with that level of trust.

God Bless,

JL

You know, I don't think a certain satisfaction with the bad guys getting their just deserts is a bad thing at all. Federal agents have awesome power in our society, with a corresponding necessity to maintain the absolute highest of standards in their official capacity and in their private lives also. This agent has made himself vulnerable to pressure from unsavory characters by his own lack of integrity and exceedingly poor judgment and has exacerbated the problem by allowing the photos to be taken in the first place. I think the authorities need those photos in order to make the investigation full and complete. Send them in, but keep copies for future reference.

I don't know if anyone remembers me or my situation, but here is a little update.

I am now sure that my wife's affair is over, she points the finger at me for causing it to end. The OM made sure he told her that the only reason they couldn't be together was because of the way I had acted and it wasn't worth it to him.... She continually brings up that my behavior after I found out about the affair, was so bad that she could never be with me. So she is asking that I just get the paperwork in order and sign it so that it can all be behind her. I am sure that the constant reminder of what she has done is weighing heavily on her. She says if I really love her I will do this for her. She has asked me not to call her, or text her because it makes her mad, that I love her more now then I did when we were married.

I guess I don't really have much of an update. I only have 2 choices, get the paperwork together and end it, or continue to make her upset when I call. I have asked her if there was another option to start over if she would take it. She said that she no longer has feelings for me.

Oh what a mess. I hate being here, but it has made me a better person. What a wild and crazy ride.

If you don't want a divorce, don't do the paperwork. Also you don't have to call her. Just continue making a nice life for yourself, and see if she comes out of the fog. My ex took 8 months to unfog and want to save the marriage, but I was done by that time.

Believer,

What do you think made it too late for you? When you said it took your wayward 8 month to come out of the fog, had you separated? My concern is that if I don't keep a little contact with her, it will be much easier to move on and forget about "us" I know that if I stop talking to her it is much easier for me to put her in the back of my mind and let the chapter begin to close....

Only two choices?

"I only have 2 choices, get the paperwork together and end it, or continue to make her upset when I call."

You do not have to sign anything. You do not have to agree to a divorce. You can fight it all you want. Until WW lawyers up and has you served you then still can stall all you want. When WW does lawyer up you get your own lawyer and have him stall as much as he can. Do not agree to any of her settlement offers or agree to mediation.

Until then do not contact WW. Do not beg it makes you appear weak and unattractive to any woman. You should then do a 180. Improve yourself, make you the person a woman wants.

Get yourself out of the house doing things. This way WW see's you not sitting around waiting for her. This way when WW calls or stops by and your not home will make her miss you. If WW asks why you did not answer the phone or where you went be vague.

Don't say date. Movie, dinner, beach, park, whatever. Don't elaborate just change the subject. Many WW's will start to fear that they may lose their BH at this point. Which may all that is needed for them to give up fence sitting.

Well I was wrong again. WW still lies about here involvement with OM. I still don't understand why at this point it would matter? She know I know, and yet she still tries to lie about it. So what I thought might be fog, was nothing more than lies from a still very WW. She drove 9 hours 1 way to be with him on the 14th of July. I guess this is one of those that might not have a happy ending.

She is threatening that if I don't sign the separation paperwork the divorce paperwork won't be a generous. How does that work if one spouse cheated, are they still entitled to half?

Thanks again everyone!!

IWQ --

i don't know your history, but from I am reading, your WW is still in a WS Fog. She will continue to be in that fog until there is NC. Do not allow her lies to change one iota of your behavior. She is threatening you because she is an addict needing her fix.

What state you are in will make a big difference in court proceedings and who gets awarded what. Many courts are lenient on BSs who have tried to keep their marriages and families together, but not all, by a long shot. Keep diligent records!

slh