Hi everyone,

My wife is divorcing me and I've failed to persuade her otherwise. She also intends to make use of a clause in Texas divorce law that says:
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The court may award maintenance for a spouse only if .....
(b) is unable to support him or her self through employment because of an incapacitating physical or mental disability;
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She is disabled and has been since our marriage 3.5 years ago. I told her that I am willing to help her as much as I could but don't wish to have a heavy penalty imposed on me for no fault of my own. I tried desperately to save this marriage. We went to a series of sessions with a marriage counselor, but she gave up coming with me towards the end as she blames it all on me. She also demanded that I see a psychiatric which I've been seeing for the past 10 weeks. In fact the therapist told me that my wife has some serious issues.
The bottom line is that my wife is a country girl and doesn't like living in the city. I bought our house on a 3 acre rural land here in Texas, but its not rural enough for her and she keeps dreaming of a fantasy home 'in the middle of nowhere'. Things like 'a cabin in Alaska' and all that crap. I can't help her with that as I would have to move in with her in order to help her as she can't do even simple housework. She is leaving in few days time to move with her dad in another state (who is also unemployed!) and she is absolutely determined to end this marriage :-(

Any advise on what I am liable for after divorce would be appreciated, bearing in mind that I don't want this divorce.

If she is unemployed, how will she get the money to divorce you and sue for alimony? If she is moving to another state, how will she file suit here?

p.s. I know nothing about divorce laws, you would have to check with an attorney on that. If she wants to move out, I wouldn't help her at all unless forced by a court order. Make her do all the work with her own money.

Thanks for the quick replies.
I don't know what she has in mind about the cost of attorney. She suggested at one stage having the same attorney for both of us. She gets $650 a month in disability benefit.
We still have a joint bank account which we need to separate soon. I still love her very much and am very vulnerable right now for her enticement for help.

AL, if she is going to leave, I would suggest moving the money out of your account so she doesn't plunder it. And don't think she won't, they almost always do.

This is such a short and troubled marriage, are you sure it is worth it? Why do you think she married you since she seems to be in no way committed to you? Has she ever been committed?

Is this her first marriage? If not, what happened in her last marriage [s]? Any kids?

MelodyLane,
I hope to get the bank account sorted today or tomorrow. I just want her to have enough money for her trip to dad, which is quite far away.
My wife is totally obsessed with rural life and has based the marriage on this condition. I think the problem is more to do with her disability and her lack of enthusiasm to get some sort of a job or hobby to keep busy with.

Your wife conveniently forgot to include the 1st part of that Texas statute:

"ALIMONY/MAINTENANCE/SPOUSAL SUPPORT: The court may award maintenance for a spouse only if: ... (2) the duration of the marriage was 10 years or longer and the spouse seeking maintenance: ...is unable to support himself or herself through employment because of an incapacitating physical or mental disability;"

Thanks. She actually reminded me about this precondition a while ago ,saying she is not entitled.
We will be seeing divorce attorneys soon. But I don't intend to initiate the divorce. Its all up to her.
Some good might come out of this eventually, even though its heartbreaking right now.

Bad idea. That would present a conflict of interest-- unless you both are agreeing to everything and there is no dispute at all.

Truly, if she's the one that really wants the divorce, then make her do all the work for it. Tell her you don't and won't discuss divorce.

Can you tell us a little more about what's going on? Why is she wanting divorce NOW? Surely it's not JUST about where she lives. If that's the case why would she say that YOU needed psychiatric help? What else is going on?

I feel like you're holding back some pertinent information.

I agree with PrincessMeggy, there is more going on here than meets the eye. Did she marry you for your financial support?

I am seeing a psychiatrist because she asked me to do so the last time she walked out of the house back in July. She made this a condition for her coming back. She thinks I argue too much. The truth is that she never ever compromised with me on anything. In fact the word 'compromise' doesn't exist in her vocabulary. For instance, I have two weeks vacation starting from this week and had hoped that we go somewhere as I haven't had a vacation in two years. She is absolutely against the idea on the grounds of lack of money (which is not true). She is in full control of our finances. So you see, I am the main breadwinner and am unable to persuade her to come for a vacation and she wont allow me to use any money for my vacation either. Its differences of opinions that leads to such arguments which can only be resolved through compromise. In the case of my wife, any opposing view is regarded as 'arguing'. So no wonder that the therapist thought that she has some issues and not so much me. But she is totally against seeing a therapist as she thinks that she is not at fault.
Another example, she wants me to give up my professional job and move to a rural part with her and work as unskilled laborer or some sort! She reckons that we wont need that much money anyway. If I disagree with this, then I am arguing! Go figure.

Well, since she is leaving you now, I would take back control of your money ASAP and get any cash reserves MOVED.

Would she agree to do phone counseling with you with Steve Harley of Marriage Builders? It sounds to me like y'all could greatly benefit from the policy of joint agreement.

I think there's more to this story..... Just a hunch. Smacks of some scheming here.

Al, what does your W do when u r @ work?

L.

Nothing! Absolutely nothing of use. She just sits there all day, chain smoking, coughing and chit chatting on the internet, mostly lashing out at me with her cyber friends.

I appreciate her disability but she still has so much energy being put into such negative use.

Anyway, today we went to finalize the divorce decree with my attorney. She agreed to use my attorney as she is not contesting anything. Our house doesn't have much equity once sold. So it would all be over in about 60 days when I have to appear in the court to hear the judge's decision. I was so devastated when we finished signing the divorce petition. But she smiled and said "shall we go and celebrate our divorce with a nice meal?"

She would be leaving the house for good in few days and I shall put it for sale and move into town soon. Then I have to hire a U-haul and move her stuff and her dog and take them to her dad's (some 1400 miles across the US!). This would be the most thankless and unappreciated task I ever have to do.

AL, can her dad not come here and move her himself? I am sorry it ended like this, but from the sounds of it, she was quite LOST already. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

No. He's become unemployed recently and wont be able to afford such a trip. She is going on her own first, with our good car which I am giving to her. But I will go later with her stuff in the U-Haul. I don't mind making this trip as long as she is nice to me. The other day I said to her I realize its all over, but it would be so much nicer and easier if we could be just good friends, she replied in a rather mean way "but we are not friends and never been"!
Anyway, today she is nicer to me. I think its all to do with a little arrangement we made in which I offered to pay a $50 a month doggy support for the dog she is taking. I love this dog and wanted her to take good care of it as long as it lives.

Anyway, we are doing fine now, thanks for your concerns. Come to think of it, this marriage should never have taken place in the first place. She is a hilly billy country girl who enjoys the company of red necks while I am a professional suburban type of guy. I thought I could meet her half way, but she always insisted on full way.

Why bother? Just get one of those PODS...put all her stuff in it, they will take it away and deliver it to the destination on a specified date. Then she and her dad and all her hillbilly friends can unload it. She's his problem now anyway.

Driving a U-Haul for extended periods is a gawdawful experience - I drove one from El Paso to Dallas, another from Dallas to El Paso, and a third from El Paso to Phoenix. Never again. They suck gas like there's no tomorrow and they top out at 65.

Check out the PODS route, eh?

Good idea, bitbucket!

Thanks for the pods idea. I just saw the U-haul truck on the road and thought just the same about it.
The only problem is the dog. She is taking one other dog with her and is reluctant to take the remaining dog as well. I will need to presuade her to take the second dog then I could do the pods idea.