I am feeling that I may need to improve my responses to my wife's occasional suggestions to get divorced.

I am not really fightened by her threats, but I may not be responding in the best way.

Since I value my marriage to my wife, there must be a negative impact on my self-esteem.

One of the the early steps in coflict resolution could be to furhter identify her meaning, when she throws out the issue of divorce.

That would both convey the attitude that I am not intimidated by her mention of divorce. It would also be a confrontation of her being disrespectful to the marriage.

I started this thread about my responses, and not really about my perceptions of faults in my wife. I do need to work on those ideas, but this thread was to be more about my response.

Further, I should avoid building up withheld feelings, and so I may have to bring the subject up myself, as I have glossed over my wife's insinuations made at non-problem solving times.

I may need to work on creating more problem solving periods of time, so as to draw my wife's thoughts out.

It has been a while since I have posted, and things have not really changed, in realtion to issues discussed in my past posts. My thanks to those who previously shared their ideas on my challenges. I keep looking for ways to avoid, or at least minimize, making withdrawals from the Love Bank.

I am currently reviewing resources on Verbal Self Defense, to fine tune my skills. I am trying to follow the principle of avoiding saying things that escalate the conflict. I am looking for defusing strategies.

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ask her what she needs to stay married to you. Then do it. What ever you do, do not take her threats lightly, take them very seriously. If she will not tell you what to do, you are going to have to figure it out on your own. Look up Chapman's "Five love languages" and buy the book. Also John Gottman has so very good books out. Why marriages succeed or fail is a good one. Get on this pronto and start to do what she needs. If you feel she is wrong, ask yourself, do you want to be right and divorced, or accept her for the way she is and be happy amd married.

Dear Find Everest,

Thank you for your response.

I reviewed my notes on trhe 5 languages of Love, as you suggested.

Today I learned how to transfer a book from another library branch, by my home computer. I ordered the Elgin 8 Step book on verbal self-defense, to be transported to the Library closer to my routine routes of travel.

I have been holding back some of my ideas of suggestions for my wife. I did find a time this morning when my wife seemed receptive to some ideas on some projects she is interested in accomplishing. I discussed how she might arrange some time for us to work together.

No results yet, but I am feeling more complete about my communications with my wife.

When my wife has brought up the conept of Divorce recnetly, I have asked her somethingh like, "Well, before we divorce, can we do ____ or ____?"