We have had the thing filed since mid-july. 07

I want to treat it like an infidelity.

I still have not seen a complete and concise PLAN A explanation here, even when searching for it.

This one is a perfect example of a search result:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

this article/answer never really explains the plans clearly.

question #1) Anyone know where the real PLAN A is?

question #2) Anyone had experience with requesting that your possibly adulterous, no-good, lowdown, cheating spouse get tested for STD STD's sexually transmitted diseases before resuming intimacy?

Frankly I'm surprised over how little mention there is of; STD's - STD - sexually transmitted diseases, on this website, especially considering the focus on restoring marriages after adultery.

My spouse was recently gone for 2-weeks, and also, in the recent past has left for weekends to stay at a local hotel, her siblings homes, or her mom & dads home. I only know generally that this is the truth from hotel records, toll road accesses, etc., all circumstantial evidence.

Although I can't say for sure she is in an affair, can't say she hasn't either, though I do doubt that it happened more than I believe it did happen.

This is why I want to treat this as an affair, also because it's still a form of infidelity to the marriage to act this way; and to file for a divorce because of present unhappiness caused by not really knowing yourself, pretending to be someone you are not, and not knowing what you want in life before you marry, even if there is no sexual/emotional/mental affair. So I need a concise plan a, but cannot find it.

another frankly, is how I cannot believe how many WANT to reconcile after REAL adultery. It's one thing if you are the spouse that caused it after years of serious intentional neglect sexually (which to me is adultery just the same) or emotionally, but when you are not, I just don't get it.

I saw one who thought about suicide because of this vile sin against them and God, and did not use this energy from righteous anger to do away with their "mate" and get a decent human being to re-marry.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

OF, Plan A is very simple. You stop lovebusting permanently, and you meet as many of her needs as she’ll let you, without expecting or requesting that she meet any of yours. It’s a one way street to win her back. Based on your signature, I wonder if you want to win her back.

Plan A is not for sissies. You need lots of guts and endurance, and it’s stressful and enervating. And the payoff is there’s a chance you may save the marriage.

The down side of Plan A is that it does nothing to restore your love for her. In fact, it will drain your love for her if it goes on too long. The positive side is it lays a solid foundation for your spouse to return to you when the affair ends, and if you need to go to Plan B, it creates an environment in which your spouse will miss you.

So, if you decide to do plan A, fill in the ENQ as if you were your wife. Start meeting those needs. You may also consider buying the book Surviving An Affair.

You say this and yet, you are not even sure if she's had an affair? Do you talk to her this way and call her these things to her face? I'd divorce you too.

He just ain't caught her yet.

My wife DID divorce me when I caught her.

He needs to learn how to catch his adulterous, no good, low down cheating spouse.

Dude, you are going to have to grow a set and learn how to snoop undetected and get it right the first time.

thank you for actually helping by answering a serious question....

as for my verbosity (adjectivosity) concerning a possibly cheating spouse, my explanation is that I feel like the attitude, based on the simplicity of the abbreviations used for cheating spouses CHEAPENS marriage and LESSENS the accountability and sinfulness of the perp's, and makes them sound too benign. Have we forgotten how the Bible dealt with adultery? Yes, Sin is Sin, yet different sins had different Earthly consequences, God has not changed, and of course, all sin can separate us from God eternally, but thats a whole nuther subject.