Gotta question. My H's A has been over as soon as I found out, she moved cross country and it's been about 3 years now. However, recently he started acting strange again so that's why I've decided to D him. Anyway, should I expose his past A to his co-workers or at this point would that just be plain mean? I say this only because my gut feeling is that something else is going on but I have no proof of it and trutfully I don't care because we're separating in a few weeks. We're trying to do this as cost effective as possible, I'm splitting everything 60/40 even though he cheated and guess what, believe or not, he's rode on my coat tail throughout our short 5 year marriage. I get the feeling he's wanting more than this split. Should I use the "expose card" if he tries to take advantage of me? Or, should I just suck it up and take the 50/50 split which is what I think he wants? Is it worth it? Need advised, please.

So you have decided that you definitely want a divorce, and nothing can change your mind?

if you are not using exposure as a tool to break up an affair to recover, to tell an innocent or to protect your children, I would say skip it.

You have obviously made up your mind to divorce...and you say you don't care if something else is going on...so really, at this point...mind your business. As far as using the exposure card if he doesn't give you what you want...that is called blackmail and the last time I checked, it is a felony.

No, do not expose. Exposure isn't for blackmail or punishment. It's a tool to end the affair.

Exposure to end the affair and restore the marriage is an effective tool if used wisely. But there's no point if you are done. Just move on.

Yeah, I've made up my mind to at least start the divorce proceedings as it takes longer than a year here in my state. I really and truly can't get over the betrayal and to pretend that I can and act like I'm not bothered by it is way too exhausting for me.

I'm not going to expose my husband's A. After reading Dr. Harley's stuff it seemed like I should expose the A, but to do so now wouldn't serve a purpose. A felony? That's stretching it a bit as I truly don't think I'll go to federal prison if I did so but you know that could make for a good book. Maybe I should write a novel.

no, actually it isn't stretching it at all...what you described is blackmail... a felony...not a federal crime.

Blackmail is the act of threatening to reveal information about a person unless the threatened party fulfills certain demands. This information is usually of an embarrassing or socially damaging nature.

I went the extortion route and wound up having to follow through.

The damage to the other family was extensive and extremely gratifying, not as gratifying as being paid off, but gratifying nonetheless.

Best Christmas day for me ever, the look on his wife's face when I handed her the pictures and audio.

so, let me get this straight...you ENJOYED hurting the OBS family? How could damaging a family be gratifying? And it was your best Christmas ever??? Sounds to me like you need extensive therapy.

You know what? I'm not worried about blackmail because I'm not doing it nor do I intend to. But, if I were, being that I work in the legal field, I'm not too worried about it. You know sometimes people get what they deserve. Blackmail is making someone do something to avoid their shameful acts being revealed. The WAS should have thought of that! An A is only fun until it's exposed and then it's OMG, my life could be over or at least it's over as I once knew it. A have a profound way of changing someone, both the WAS and BS and it ain't pretty. Furthermore, maybe anyone reading this thread should think about what would happen if their dirty little secret was exposed. Then, maybe support forums like this one (thank God they're here) wouldn't be necessary.

He made it clear that destroying mine was merely a bonus of his seducing my wife.

HIS decision is what hurt his family, I was merely the messenger. HE destroyed my family. HE didn't care about his family at all. He even said he didn't care what I did and they were unimportant to him.

So yes, I DID enjoy what I did and I am not ashamed nor do I feel any remorse. I lost everything including my moral compass and learned the hard way that the good guys lost.

LMAO..........then 90% of waywards are felons. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

SO...what do you mean?

LA

you need help.

his wife was hurt in the same way that you were...you should feel bad for her and any kids involved. She has a right to know what happened, but the fact that you took pleasure in delivering a painful blow to that woman is cruel.

and the fact that you are letting someone else corrupt your moral compass suggests that it wasn't strong in the first place.

Whatever.

You can't hurt me any worse than OM and WW did.

If it makes you feel bigger, take a few more DJ's.

My wife loved to do it so why not let some stranger too.

I'm not trying to hurt you at all. I think you need help and I am suggesting you get it.

Your wife hurt you...the OM hurt you...
that does not mean you should take pleasure out of hurting another innocent. What's next...are you going to go sleep with someone elses wife because your compass is off.

Where was my DJ? You are the one that has been disrespectful here...do not let another person change you so much that you take pleasure from harming other people.