I have another thread on here about my wife and how she has already moved about, but this is a slightly different situation. My wife is on a week long vacation with her parents. I set up the vacation and it was supposed to be a family get away for her family and mine, but those plans changed when I found out about the affair. Anyways I have been calling my wife while she has been gone, just to see how things have been going. Well last night I called her and she asked if I would stop, she promised she would give me a call when she gets back Sunday, but she just can't deal with anything right now. I don't know if part of her reaction, was that the day before she found out the OM has cheated on his wife, multiple times and now she feels bad???? So I guess I need to respect her wishes, but it sure feels like that if i don't talk to her, that I am giving up. So should I just respect her wishes, because calling would be a love buster??

Thanks,
Ryan.

if she is away with her family, give her the space she has asked for.

Let her call you, Ryan.

I know this sounds "weak", but I am afraid that she won't call me if it is up to her. I guess that is what she needs right now??? Should I look at this like the start of PLAN B? If so I don't think I have a very strong PLAN A in place. I am willing to work on things, but she is very willing to throw it all away. I just wish I could have my wife, back so that we could start working on what got us to this point.

Ryan.

scott, the thing is that you won't attract her by chasing her, you will just chase her away. The idea is to ATTRACT and forcing yourself on her is not attractive.

I concur. If she's away with her family, let her be. I don't think this is the beginning of Plan B - not yet. Give her some space to think about things - and even a chance to miss you a bit. Sometimes an absence like that can be a good thing.

I know it's hard - but appearing needy or clingy won't score points.

JinGA

As Jin said, being needy isn't going to win your WW back to your side...and if it did, you wouldn't like yourself very much a little farther down the road.

Let her have her holiday with her family, since it was something planned before D-Day. Since she's already moved out, there's not that much you can do about it anyway.

That having been said, a request for "space" is usually code for, "Would you please just back off so I can do my adultery in peace!"

Is there anyway you can verify that she is, indeed, spending all this time with her family and not cutting her time with them short to spend a little time with OM?

Have you exposed her adultery to her family?

Ryan:

I've just looked up your other posts, and don't seem 2 see where you said:

How long have you and your WW been married?
When was d-day?
Do you have kids? (it sounds like "no")

After those questions are answered, I think we can get a better idea of how 2 help you.

By all means, expose 2 OM's supers. He's done wrong, and he needs 2 face the consequences of his behavior. If you don't expose him, he'll keep doing this even if the A with your WW ends. You don't want 2 be "responsible" for another marriage being invaded by this 2wit.

-ol' 2long

2Long,

You are right I haven't given you enough information.

My wife and I have been together since 1997, but we were married in 2002. I found out or suspected about her affair 20 August. She was deployed to Baghdad and met the OM there. They had a 4 month affair that progressed to a full blown love. The other guy has a wife and 2 kids, but when I contacted her she said that they were done, and had already agreed to get a divorce, so what he did was his business. We do not have any kids. I have sent 2 emails to the OM office, and I also called the office and gave them the information and my contact, but never heard back.

Hope that helps,
Ryan.

Okay, thanks for the info.

but...

that ain't "love" what they "have."

-ol' 2long

Well, I couldn't do the right thing and just give her space. Everytime I felt alone I would call her to see how things were going. I did this a couple of days in a row and she finally told me that she didn't want to talk to me..... She is scheduled to get back on Sunday, and I was going to continue with PLAN A when she got home, but if she is telling me I don't want to talk to you, do I jump right into PLAN B???? I know that she is angry at me right now, but I planned the vacation she was on, I booked the beach house, and made the plans, she should understand that I would be curious to know how everything went? PLAN B is going to be one of the hardest things I will ever do. My wife means so much to me.

Ryan.

One more thing. When my wife moved out she took the dog with her. I know that she loves the dog, but I kind of feel like if she is walking out on "our" family, she shouldn't be able to take the dog. Should I ask to have the dog, back or is that going to be a huge love buster? I know it would be nice for me to have the dog around when I am feeling lonely, I suspect that she is also using the dog to help....

Ryan.

hi Ryan...based on what`s happened in my life, I can`t really give you any advice......Lord knows, everything i have tried has led to my wife moving out, and moving farther and farther away emotionally speaking.... The only bit of advice I can give is this.....

Don`t call her, if she doesn`t want to call you. You have already seen what kind of success you`re going to get from it. As much as it hurts, you have to keep away. I would say appearing needy is not only going to drive her farther away, but you will end up feeling like crap because of it....

Good luck

Ron

Hmm. well the wife called me today at work to see if she could schedule some time to come over to my place to get some files. So she said she would be over around 6:30pm, she didn't show until 7:30 and then she told me she had to be somewhere by 8:00pm. She went through the files and grabbed everything that belonged to her. I had made dinner, some of her favorites and she turned them down. I just made her a to go plate and told her she might like it later. I also had her favorite ice cream and fresh strawberries that I put in a bag and sent her home with. She was coordial, but she told me it was very hard to be nice right now because, of how mad she was. It seems like she is more mad about the fact I told her friends and family about the affair, then she is about the other guy breaking it off. I don't know if the affair is really over, and I really don't have anyway to find out now that she has moved out. I will just continue PLAN A when she contacts me. I will do my best to not call her, does that seem right?

Ryan.

Yes, please continue to Plan A and STOP calling her. Go over things that YOU wish to work on yourself and then work on that. Do not chase her. The food plate was a good move. Nice one, Scott!

Purchase His Needs, Her Needs, Lovebusters, and Surviving an Affair. Read them and all the articles on this site. Consider contacting the Harleys to help form a good plan and gain some counseling for yourself.