hi every one i hope i can get some much needed advice. me and my husband have been married 2 and a half years the 1st year he was in ramida irqa. he has a 21 year old son that lives with us in our basement he has on job but is in collage 4 days a week and is out of school everyday by 1. he gets paid 850.00 a month just for going to school thru the national guard and he has 20,000 in the bank from where he was over seas also. he doesnt help pay bills my husband doent charge him a dime to live her and he eats us out of house and home i told my husband that i want him out or make him start helping with the bills but my husband will not to it and im tired of living this way.the stepson has told me out of his own mouth that he will never leave here because then he will have to pay his own bills like lights,water,phone,rent ect....how can i make my husband see that its time to make him grow up before my marrige falls apart.......help..................also let me add the stepson comes and goes and does whatever he wants this morning i got up and went downstairs and there was a guy asleep in the other room that i have no clue as to who he is he treats this house like its his...

Is this something new? Was he living with y'all when you got married? Was there talk about the living situation at that time?

I have a daughter who is a Senior in High School. If she chooses to stay her for college, she will likely live with me and I couldn't fathom charging her rent. All I would request is that she be respectful of the house and keep her room somewhat clean. To me that has nothing to do with making her "grow up" but rather helping her out till she can stand on her own. When she graduates from college hopefully she'll have some savings, like your stepson has, to go out into the world.

So the question of are you wrong? Absolutely not. Your views and opinions are different and y'all need to seek some middle ground. However if you told your hubby that either the boy needs to go or pay rent then that would be a poor communication choice that will likely drive a wedge between y'all and it puts your husband in a no win situation.

What would it take for you to feel OK with the son living with you?

Vols:

You may not get much traffic here. You may need to move this over to the Emotional Needs board.

Your H has a 21 Year old son, and I presume from and earlier M.

So you are older, and your H is too, and he has a 21 year R with his son, and you have a 3 year R.

You H WILL choose his Son over you.

Accept that. Just like if it was YOUR son and your H wasn't happy with him.

Put yourself in HIS shoes.

What is it that really upsets you about the son?

About your H?

His refusal to discuss with you your M and your R, and your valid concerns about the son?

That's why I thonk you need to move this to the EN board.

No disrespect to LH, But there is more traffic there. ANd more support to help you to sort this out.

LG