Hi. I have asked a couple of questions on here and just have one more to ask. From the time I was very young I have only become close friends with the opposite gender. I am female. In fact, this is how I met my husband. He was one of my good friends, and in my group, another bunch of guys. He has never had a problem with me having male friends. On the flipside, the majority of his friends are female as well. I have never had a problem with this, even though many of his female friends he has slept with. None of my male friends I have ever been in a realtionship with.

Both of us find this to be normal, neither of us gets jelous. My best friend in the world is male, we go to college together and are going into the same field. The thought of being with him in a realtionship way repulses me :P and we have good times together and are just good friends. My husbands such good friends with his female friends he has spent the night at their house, of course the majority of them are married

I read something thought that says you should never be close friends with someone of the opposite gender if you are married though? Is this true? What is so wrong with it? I know for myself that I am just more comfortable around guys... the field I am going into is completely male dominated and so I am never around other women anyway. I have no problem with my H having female friends

so whats the big deal? Does this change with age? Both him and I are young

One of the guidelines in this area that has worked for me and worked for others I know is that any friend should also be a friend of the marriage. That means that any of my friends - male or female - are friends of my husband's and vice versa. Age has nothing to do with it. This is a practice that will protect your marriage. In my opinion, if you value your marriage and respect your spouse you won't let even the possibility of temptation enter. Removing any opportunity for bad decisions is healthy for your marriage.

Fleazo,

You raise some very interesting points. If you stay around this site long enough and read enough stories I think you’ll find that tons of affairs are borne of the relationships you speak of. You can say that you are different or whatever but the bottom line remains that if you have your emotional needs met by an opposite sex friend that you are playing with fire.

I recently heard Adam Hamilton speak and he relayed this story. One of those High Profile Preachers (I can’t remember which one it was) who has been married forever and a day and whose name is not in the news because of doing bad things was asked to lunch by Hillary Clinton. That preacher accepted the invitation on the condition that one of his staffers would have to go with him because he doesn’t go to lunch alone with women. I think that’s a wonderful example of someone living in the reality that “things can happen” so it’s best to “protect” your marriage.

I, personally, don’t believe in having exclusive opposite sex friends. I think it’s a recipe for disaster. I do believe in rolling friendships into your relationship and doing things together with them as a couple.

“””The thought of being with him in a relationship way repulses me”””

That’s grand and that’s today. My first wife, at 11 years of marriage, took an EMT class with a man 18 years older than her. He was married. They struck up a friendship. I remember talking to her about it and she said “he was a father figure” to her. Well that was about 6 years ago and she’s still living with this “father figure” that she never thought of “in that way”.

I totally think you should not be good friends with someone of the opposite sex if you are married. This will only bite you in the butt. Woman tend to take things too far, and men fall for it. Woman get attached more easily and what starts out as friends, eventually becomes lust or more. Men may not even realize they are adding to this, but it happens.