I recieved a call from the OM last night, he said he is done, and that my wife is not worth it. This was after I revealed to his job. He is an FBI Special Agenct. Well my wife is absolutly furious with me, she says that everything I did was shady, and sneaky. I followed the rules and revealed the affair to friends, family, work etc. I went by her apartment today, and she was so angry, that she vowed that I wouldn't be the one that she came to. She also mention that she wants me to leave her alone, and not see her, she even threatened a restraining order. I haven't done anything wrong in my mind, but I need to defuse this situation. I can't do anything right now, bacuase she is so angry, I made her lose this guy. What do I do? Just stay out of her way and see if she ever comes back to me????

Thanks,
Ryan.

It will blow over. You just took the crack pipe away from the crack head and she is, naturally, furious. There is absolutely NOTHING you can say that will change that because she is impossible to reason with; she uses no reason.

How did you expose at work? Did you follow our advice and notify HR?

To tell you the truth I didn't have to go that far. I wrote an email to the OM and CC'd his work on the emails. That was enough for him to see that I am very interested in making my marriage work.

Here is the email:
"I am writing you this email to let you know, I am fully aware of the extent of your affair with my wife. I am completely against this horrible affair and I plan to work very hard to save my marriage. You have done a horrible thing in breaking up a family and I will not tolerate any further contact with my wife. I have always loved my wife, and will continue to love her, no matter what happens. I am going to reveal this affair to all involved, their friends, family, work, church, etc. until you have done the right thing, and stop committing adultery with my wife.

I appreciate your commitment in this matter,
Ryan Scott."

Ryan your wife is behaving exactly according to script. Too late now, but I wouldn't have threatened him with exposure (just DO IT!) because now you don't know if he just called to placate you or if he really meant it.

If he didn't mean it and he and your wife make contact again, they could just take it further underground. That's why most of the time it's recommended to expose to EVERYONE at the same time.

Anyway, if he really did break it off, your wife WILL get past her anger at you. In fact, she's probably being a little dishonest to you and to herself... because she knows it was the right thing to do.

Oh, didn't someone tell you that your wife would be FURIOUS? We must have overlooked that detail. But they all get very angry, and then they get over it.

Just sit back and give it some time.

I expected her to be mad, but I have never seen her this angry, in the 10 years we have been together. She wouldn't let me into her apartment, and she wouldn't even let me pet our dog.... She has looked at the books, by Dr. Harley, so she threw it back in my face, that I should have known she would be angry and that she wouldn't want anything to do with me. She told me that she would call me, and that I can't call her, text her, stop by, etc. It is so strange considering 4 weeks ago it seemed like things were going better, while she was having an affair. She also keeps bringing up that she can't forgive me for telling her friends about the affair... I wish there was another way to get this strange person out of my wife's body, because it is so hard for me to see her upset and angry at me.

Ryan.

Like Melody says, your wife was happily smoking the crack pipe. Of course she wasn't angry with you.

Ride this out. Hopefully the OM won't continue the affair.

The WS is always furious, but they seem to get over it quickly. They usually threaten divorce, but have seen very, very few file for one. Your marriage has a better chance now, so try to have confidence.

You took the first step in getting your real wife back by bustng up the affair. Don't let her upset you; this will all blow over!

I too had never seen my wife so angry as when I exposed. I thought I was prepared, but boy I was really set back by her reaction. Took me a week or two to regain MY composure. She got over it in a few days.

Of course that was nothing compared to her anger when she found out I had filed for divorce! By the end of THAT conversation I was "Dead to her". She called me withing 48 hours.

Me thinx she protests too much. She is trying to scare you into backing off and letting her try to continue contact with the OM. Very few adulteries really end the first time the adulterers say it is over. They most likely will try to contact each other again - just more senakily AND your WW is hoping her angry reaction will be enough to make you think twice abotu interfering again.

Hopefully the OM really will stop all contact with your WW. In that case she will be really angry with you for a while...