XH and I went to rival colleges. XH is rabid fan of his schools' athletic program, so much so that any time our kids were given sportswear from my college as a gift, he would say "yuck", "don't wear that", etc. His brother once gave one of the kids a sweatshirt from my school. XH started mouthing off about what an awful present it was so the child threw it in the yard. XH laughed and wouldn't make the kid go get it. I kept saying "but it was a gift, etc.". Anyway, I knew the whole thing was immature but I didn't do anything to curb it. I like sports and I like my alma mater but I am not extreme. I always pulled for x's team except when they were playing my team. Even then i was quiet about it.
Fast forward to now, kids are 10 and 8. x and I are divorced. My father invited kids and me to a game in a couple of weeks and I accepted. I've never taken kids to my alma mater and have probably been to one game there in the last 4 years. Kids have been to 3 games w/xh to his school (1/year for past 3 years) Besides that, they watch almost all of them on TV.
So tonight I am putting kids to bed and they are both crying, saying they don't want to go to game w/their grandfather, they hate that team and they won't have any fun.
Much of this is my fault. For all those years I just thought X was being silly and immature and didn't realize that nobody has explained to kids what a rivalry is and that it is not serious dislike. Kids go w/him to games and my comment is something like "that sounds like a nice day with your dad, have fun, I hope they win". So tonight I called xh and told him that he has a lot of influence on the kids and maybe he should say something similar to what I say. I think they are being unfairly influenced and that they are scared to enjoy themselves because they think their father will disapprove. His response, " Starving, they aren't stupid. They know you can't go to that town and have a good time."
Do you have any advice? I explained to the children that I do not plan on raising spoiled brats (maybe I am too late)and that we are going to the game w/my father and we are going to have fun. Youngest is playing in a baseball tournament the day after the game and I laid out the consequences, bad attitudes = no baseball tournament. I explained all of above to XH and he ranted for a few minutes about how I was being extreme and what was an unfair punishment. I said I was sorry he felt that way but there are a bunch of kids who would love to get great seats to a game like this and that our kids have them and I wasn't going to allow any disrespectful behavior by our kids toward their grandfather.
Do you have any advice? Telling XH to grow up isn't going to work. This is same guy who had A, got herpes, knocked up GF, breathed heavy sigh of relief when she agreed to abortion, paid for abortion, knocked OW up again, moved OW into his house while he was sep. but still married to me and then married OW while kids were at school one day and didn't bother to tell them. He isn't going to grow up anytime soon.
