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Hi all,
I met this single Christian man at my friend's wedding. He called and asked me out on a date for this Thursday. I am absolutely excited! When is the best time to tell the man that I've been through a D? How much detail should I divulge?
Looking forward to a new chapter since D was finalized on 4/24/07 from WH.
"I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
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I am not religious so perhaps my answer may be inappropriate. But I would tell at the first opening - when you are describing yourself to him. This is who you are now and there's nothing you can do to change it. If he doesn't accept it, better to find out sooner than later.
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I agree with Tabby. You need to share casually in conversation that you were married before. If he asks why it ended, be very brief. You can stress that you believe marriage, not divorce if you feel it necessary.
And, in the rare event, he presses you for details, I'd be very brief and say that you'd rather discuss something more entertaining.
First dates aren't the time for details, and nothing is worse than talking about your ex or what went wrong. I actually find I'm less attracted to M if I'm stressed about my ex. And just talking about it is enough to get my dander up.
Besides, if this man really wants the dirt, he can call mutual friends.
Have fun!
Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
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I am with Green on this one, it's part of who you so you can't hide it. But you don't want it to consume you either be brief!!!
Have a great date!!!!
Dawn
BS 49
Divorced 10 yrs/married 21 yrs
Life is good and I am happy!
Engaged to be married on the 4th of August 2012!
30yoS&DIL & 2 gson/27yoD-Divorced & 3 gson/21yoD
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Thanks for everyone's opinions!
I don't want to be evasive either and mislead him by not bringing it up. He can easily ask our mutual friends but I don't want him finding out that way. I do want to honest and up front with him. Especially if he views this date as a romantic one, then I want him to know my brief history.
So if he doesn't bring it up, do I just flat out say it? I've done that before on dates with other men and it always sounded a little awkward. I would start off with, "I just thought you'd like to know...or...I don't want you to judge me but..."
Any suggestions on this?
Looking forward to a new chapter since D was finalized on 4/24/07 from WH.
"I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
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I really think it will come up in conversation. He may say "Have you ever been to ___" And you'd say, "Oh, yes, once my ex really wanted to go there."
Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
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I guess I'd take a slightly different approach and not bring it up at all on a first date. After all, it's a date, not a relationship, at that point. Enjoy dinner, the movie, whatever you do and don't get into past relationships.....after all, every one has them. After two or three dates you'll have a better idea of whether it will become a relationship, and by then you'll have talked so much you'll be a lot more comfortable mentioning you've been married before.....if it doesn't come up by itself anyway.
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Joined: Dec 2006
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i agree, i'd let it naturally come up on its own. last night i met someone new for dinner, we'd chatted a few times via im and she knows my basic info that i'm no longer married and have a child. when we started talking about vacations, the topic of our exes came up. it's not like i'm going to jamaica by myself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> it wasn't technically a date tho.
also judging by your sig, your husband had an affair and that's a legitimate reason to divorce and remarry if you are worried about telling him for religious reasons. good luck and we're happy for you.
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Why on earth would he judge YOU for being divorced when your husband had the affair?
You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Me - BW/FWW Him - FWH/BH Still figuring it all out - but we're figuring it out TOGETHER <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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Thank you to everyone who responded with their thoughts. My date is tonight and I'm very nervous yet excited. Our hour long phone conversations have really broken the ice and this is our first date since meeting at our mutual friend's wedding last week.
So far, my ex has not come up in our talks. I spoke to our mutual friend and she's excited for us because she knows how compatible we are- spiritually and emotionally.
Yes, my WH had the affair. It rocked my world and I know I'm going to have a hard time trusting a man again. But, I do want to give this new person a chance. He's worth it.
Looking forward to a new chapter since D was finalized on 4/24/07 from WH.
"I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
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