Today is my 2nd appt. with the therapist. I just sit there and cry during our session. And the Chaplain also called me today. I am going to call him back & just let him know I am still alive. Even though I still feel like I've been ran over by a tank. My entire body hurts so much it's like I've been training for a marathon. I don't think there is enough pills in the world to take away this pain.

I slept late this morning. I didn't sleep all night. I then had this horrible dream that the OW was pregnant with my husbands baby. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I woke up in major panic attack mode. Crying, sweating, shaking and all I could do was get up and pace around the apt.

He called tonight finally. I talked for about 40 min's. He promised to call me again tomorrow night. So we'll see. I told him I wanted to move back & leave LA. I will see him 2nd week of November.

For some reason, I am having a pretty good day today. Good hair too.

I printed out every email that I've been sending him and I packed those up with 2 of Dr. Harley's books, SAA and HNHN and Fedexed them to him in TX. He can read everything and think about it before I see him 2nd week of November. I am also continuing to txt msg and call & lv messages.

We'll see how this goes. I also got an OVERWHELMING urge to call the OW and tell her to stay the heck away from my man. I wanted to go all WWE on her. But I resisted. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Again today I woke up really early & I woke up mad as heck. I just wanted to call WH and just yell at hime. But I didn't. I sent him nice text messages instead.

That to me says it all. I can 100% relate to you in that regard, as my story is the same. My wife didn't tell me anything about any problems. And I was completely oblivious. Had she done so, we would have solved our problems before she cheated on me.

Communication is the key! Tell the world! If a couple can communicate with each other, there would be less divorce.

I wish you well. Good luck to you.

He did text msg me today that he received the package I sent him. All of the emails I printed out and the 2 books I sent. SAA and HNHN. Hopefully *fingers crossed* he will read all of my emails and maybe open those books and read some of the stuff I marked. We'll see....

Is OW married?

BTW, I just exposed the truth to a man my WS was having an EA with yesterday. He was surprised to learn she was still married and living in same house with me. My WS probably figured it out, or soon will, when the contact ceases, but that is chance you have to take. If the affair continues, you have no chance. Better to endure a little anger for the chance of saving marriage. Don't do just whatever a chaplain tells you to do. Make up your own mind. I had one tell me to give up and file. The final decision is yours.

Hang in there,

I know very little about OW. WH would not tell me anything. What I've found out, I've found out on my own.

I want to contact her and tell her to leave my husband alone, but some friends are telling me not to. That she'll just run to WH and tell him and that will push WH further away from me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

He just sent me a txt msg that said he would call me when he had a break. So we'll see what he has to say. I hope it is good news. I really do miss talking to him.

LA:

I just recently contacted an OM and shut it down. My WS would still be seeing the first OM if I had not shut that down. Plan A is the carrot and the stick. The stick is fighting for your marriage, even when you are the only one that seems interested in doing so.

Sometimes they will feel guilty for what they are doing, sometimes they will just get weirded out.

Either way, unless they break contact, your relationship has no chance. A heart cannot be torn in two.

When you do contact her, ask her this, if you and my husband are not willing to respect my marriage vows, what makes you think that you or he will be faithful to each other? Do you really want to be with someone who has proven that he isn't faithful and is capable of lying to a woman that he promised to love forever, through better or worse? Would like to hear the answer to that!

Right now I'm in LA & he's in AZ. He has apt there. He's in TX training. Should I just call up OW and tell her to back off? Should I tell him first that I know who she is? I'm scared. I don't know what to do. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

LA:

Ultimately, the decision is yours. I can tell you that this forum supports exposure, and that I have done this, and it has ended the contact between my spouse and others. It doesn't mean that everything is good, but at least the other person is out of the way.

I did this in a non-threatening manner. I identified myself as the spouse and Christian, and told them that I was fighting for my marriage. I told them that we have a child involved, and what would you do if you were in my shoes. I have done this several times in fact (sad but true). Yes, some were belligerent, and some didn't believe me. In the end, as of now, they are all leaving her alone, which was what I wanted.

I am sure that my WS went through some range of emotions ranging from anger to shame when she found out what I had done, but she can't really fault me for trying everything I can do to save the marriage. It is what I signed up for when I married her.

I would call his parents and tell him the same thing, along with his siblings, if he has any.

If you do this in a calm and persistent but firm manner, I don't see how anyone can fault you, though of course there may be some initial anger.

The decision is yours, but yes, I recommend it. Recommend you do it today.

His mom, brother & all 3 sisters know about his affair. But they are siding with him. And don't want to get involved.

But I am going to find out more info about this girl and I will confront her when I go to AZ here in a week. I just want to have my plan down & ducks in a row.

Ok, well, find out all you can about her. You can find a lot through the internet. Hopefully you have some good leads.

Well, I've decided to pack up & move back to AZ. I have called and txt msg'd WH and have received no response from him. I told him to expect me by 11/15 or maybe sooner. But I am coming back & I told him there isn't room in our relationship for 3. I said I will need some room in the closet and my bed is replacing his.

Don't just expose to OW. Expose to those in your's and his life that can make a difference. Family, friends, jobs, etc. You should do it all at once.

You should probably move your thread over to Gen Questions II where there's a lot more traffic and a lot of the veteran's hang out. They can help you a lot on what to do.

Some of his coworkers know. But I am waiting for additional information and to be there in person before I expose. I'm gonna be moved back in & be ready with a MC appointment. My contacts are supposed to get back to me with additional information. I want to have it all before I confront OW. I also told a very dear friend about this all tonight on the phone. She was so shocked. She said if I needed to have her call WH and tell him he was a dumbdonkeybutt she would. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

At times like this, you really learn who your friends are. And I am so fortunate to have some of the best people in the world as friends.

I just got home from the hospital. Spent 3 days there for depression and exhaustion.

He says he is happy and has wanted a D for a very long time. I do not know what else to do.

He doesn't want me to move to Tucson. His family absolutley hates me. And I have decided to move back to Phoenix.

I really don't know what else to do.

Today was not a good day. I called his boss. Which was a Capt. And WH txt msg'd me that he hoped I was happy that he got into trouble. But I talked to the Capt and the Capt said he wasn't in trouble and that he would talk to him. I just told the Capt that I didn't want him in trouble that I wanted the affair to stop & I wanted my husband back. That I loved him so much & that I wanted my husband back & I wanted to move back to his base duty station town.

I am so heartbroken and sad, numb, hurt and it feels like there is a huge hole in my chest.

WH last txt msg to me was "We are done! And I will never forgive you for what you have done to me."

Which I think is because I called his Capt.

Advice would be helpful.

I also called the OW and left her a voicemail message and told her I loved my husband & I don't know what he had told her, but I truley loved my husband and he means the world to me.