Yay!!! Sounds great!!

Early 20's is how I've been *feeling* as of late...well...until cramps and things hit the other day! LOL.

As far as looking that way? I don't know. Maybe a little. I don't have a lot of wrinkles yet. I once read that folks with extra oily skin don't wrinkle as much. I don't know if that's true but I know I don't have a lot of them! On Mom's side we are oilslick oily if we aren't careful! So...maybe there is some truth to that. Mom doesn't have a lot of them either.

I think the ones that would bother me most would be the ones around the lips to where lipstick can bleed into them.

Anyway, sorry I got off on a tangent about that! I'd love to see your pics but I know you can't post them here. Darn!

Take care!

Pssshaw.....Oil of old age...it works wonders....but then again my asian genes help alot too....hehehe <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Sunnygirl {{hugs}} sorry I haven't been around much luv....the holidays have been crazy. But I might be headed your way in a few weeks trying to talk my bestfriend into a road trip later this month.

Oil of old age, LOL!

Yeah, and on my dad's side we're talking MAJOR hirsuitism! If I didn't keep up with things I'd be quite a sight! LOL!

I'll join you on your trip! Please? Please? I've been wanting to get out of town for a while. My bro lives in SF, we could swing by there, too!

Sorry for the slight t/j Sunshine!

lemme know when and where doll....my car or yours....email me...it's in my profile.

Your both welcome down here in The Valley with me.

OK, I get ANOTHER email from him saying that he will call Cap 1 & get his cc mess figured out & call me tonight. Let's not hold our breath for that one.

Just reading that stupid email made me start to cry.

I hate his games.

He didn't call. But I didn't cry. I didn't get upset. I cleaned house instead.

At least all my laundry is done. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LA, I remeber well waiting for the calls. Sometimes I had to give myself a little time out with the phone.

I unplugged it.

Then I could stop listening for the darn thing to ring.

Remember on the other thread....where the advice was to stop calling him and leaving messages? Well another good thing to do is to not always be available when the phone rings. It is actually a good thing that he will think you are not home, when he knows you should be there. Gets him thinking a little...

Love and light,

Nina

OK, he called. I talked, he talked. I may have really screwed up. He said he is retiring at 20 in November. He said he wants to go to the police academy. He asked what I was gonna do & told him there were no jobs here in LA & I wanted to come home to him. I know, I know...stupid, but I just blurted it out. I told him 17 yrs is too long to just quit. And he would need my support to get through the police academy and I wanted to make our marriage better than it was before. Grrr...I feel like I made every mistake imaginable.

Wait, what was his response?

Being truthful in Plan A is never a mistake. You've told him exactly how you feel and now its in his head. It gives him an option.

And stop telling him that there are no jobs in LA. Let him know its THE MARRIAGE you are returning for.

When he told me he was retiring, I asked him if he was having a retirement ceremony. He said probably. I asked if I was going to be invited. He seemed surprised and asked if I'd really want to go? I told him yes I'd want to go. 20 yrs is a long time and I was very proud of his achievements and would like to be there. He didn't say No I couldn't come.

He only said No one time. And that was him trying to tell me that he'd sent the papers and the post office had lost them and why I couldn't understand that it was over.

I told him that I wanted to come back and make our marriage better than what it was. Because we didn't have much of a marriage before and we could both make it better. Lots better. And I told him he'd need my support to get through the police academy. That was a tough 16 weeks and I could be there to support him and help him.

And I told him that I was proud of him and that nobody could care for him as much as me.

And I really hope I didn't grovel too much.

Some of my friends think I shouldn't talk to WS at all. That every time I talk to him he screws with my head and gives me false hope or I see hope where there is none. They think that because he's filed D papers that it is over. This has really put me in the dumps. I really love these friends, and they have been a great help to me, but they just don't seem to understand.

LAsunshinegirl

I've followed your story all along.........I just wanted to mention that.
I see where you are and you truely sound like a great person........I can honestly feel with you.

What was it that was attracting for your husband when you first came together???

Honestly I believe that only someone hat has been in the shoes of infidelity can truely understand what you are going through..............and what you are feeling.

hugs
bb

Honestly and I'm not trying to sound conceited or vain, but I'm sure it was my looks that attracted my husband. (There is a pic of me on the MB pics thread) Not so much much my body because I'm kinda chunky, but my face, my hair and my eyes. I used to laugh alot and I'm kinda hyper. So he probably saw a very pretty girl who was very happy.

And we used to be very touchy-feely when we were alone. But as the years went by, we didn't touch each other as much. Not as much hand holding, back rubs, affectionate touches etc...

And he knows that I've lost alot of weight in the last 3 months & he hasn't seen it. I think I look alot different than I had. I want him to see me in a new light. In a new way.

My friends say that I should just hang it up & move on, but he means too much to me. Even after all he has done, I still love him.

And every time the phone rings I'm hoping it is him. Sad and pathetic.

I really hope, he is having problems sleeping at night.

LA,

I'm going to go out on a limb here and express an observation that I have made in reading your threads here. You seem to be somewhat obsessed with your own looks.

I don't see that as a problem as long as you understand that looking good isn't going to be the thing that brings your WH home. There are loads of BS's here whose WS affaired down meaning that the OP was much less attractive than the BS.

In my situation, the OW was quite over weight and very plain. She dressed like an old woman and didn't care about her hair or make up at all. She isn't even in the same league with me in the looks department, and still, my FWH chose to have an affair with her because she was meeting needs that were important to him that I was neglecting.

So, while it may be true that you are attractive, and I have seen your pix, clearly, the OW is meeting some needs that you haven't been. Please try to figure out which ones and start trying to meet those needs.

Best,

Who

LA,

I reread my post and wanted to make sure you didn't feel like I was criticizing you, cause I'm not. I think that there are many here who feel that their WS chose the OP because they were more attractive and will feel insecure about that.

I don't know if you have seen the OW or not, but the fact is, she is probably less attractive than you are.

IMHO, that carries with it it's own issues. When I learned of my FWH's A and who the OW was, I was like WTF.

I just didn't understand that she sensed in him a desperate need to be admired and fussed over and really proceeded with a deliberate plan to break up our marriage.

She was/is so unattractive that my FWH is still a bit embarrassed about it. Still, he had a long distance affair with her for 8 months.

Who

I don't see besides the post above me talking about my looks. But I have no idea what OW looks like. I don't wanna know. I just want to do what it takes to make my husband happy.

Hopefully he calls me back since I called & left him a message.

With the exception of the people on this board, I only have 4 friends who hope that I reconcile with my husband.

I think most of them are trying to protect me and don't want me to hurt anymore. It's hard to hear them bash my husband when I know with the exception of this incident he has been a really good man. I don't know what to say them except that he's a good guy he's just confused.

Hi LA,
sorry that I didn't post sooner..........I had the flu. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I had asked you what attracted your husband at the beginning.....you wrote your looks and you being the happy going gal......the "touchyness" that you went through and sorta went away during the years.
Well, I'd say that the looks of a woman can be indeed an important "Emotional Need" for a man and the mixture of good looks + humor can indeed be highly attractive for a man when he meets a woman. (True Beauty comes within a person....it gives a person a special glow.) This mixed with SF usually works in every relationship at the beginning.

But you also wrote that this changed during the years....

This is where I'd say that looks no longer play the most important role in a relationship.

Your looks will probably always attract him.......and if you have read about Emotional Needs here in MBers.....you will understand that this will probably always be important for your husband. But it's the mixture of fullfilling needs.....

My husband and I will be married for 28 years this year. When we met, I was 14yo. Chirpy, happy, easy going and I'd say my husband was facinated about my looks and my humor and we couldn't keep our hands off each other.

Now so many years later and the fact that we've been through so many stages of life.........I know that looks are indeed important for my husband but I also know that it always depends on the mixture........

My husband had an affair with a woman that looked somewhat like me..........only that I had changed. I am NOT saying that it was my fault that he choose to have an affair.......NO WAY.

I'm trying to say that it was the mixture of many things that attracted him to this woman. I'd say due to the fact that I am NOT ugly....he was craving for humor, admiration and a woman that wasn't clingy.

I had lost that..........during the years. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> When my husband and I talk about our situation it becomes clear why this happened throughout the years. We were in the cycle of reality. Children, business and many other things.......

We lost what we call...........our "golden thread" that held us together for the greatest time of our relationsip.
(hope you understand)

So my husband was somewhat looking for what "we" had shared for so many years..........only he didn't realize that he could have it all with me if he would of been capable to give his 100%. No relationship works if only one side is taking and the other only gives.

It seems to be that this is a big problem for many relationships..........

I was giving..........and he was taking..........and that sucked!!!! I slowly but surely didn't have much to laugh about anymore and there wasn't anything truely there to admire.

We lost the contact with each other. My looks didn't count anymore..............

Hmmmm, this is getting long isn't it?? Sorry.

When I read your thread, I just noticed that you are being told to contact him everyday.......he's telling you to leave him alone....he's backing off and you're pressing.

This situation isn't easy.........and I do feel with you.

Have you ever thought about what would happen if you choose to Plan B???

Right now, he is making the choice whether to contact you or not and you are taking what you can get.

He knows how you tick. I understand from what you wrote that he wants you to back off.

Pressuring him is a turn off for him. What do you think will happen if you do back off???

I know that you want to stay married and I am definately PRO marriage, don't misunderstand me.

I just think that it is important for you to concentrate on yourself right now and to become the person you once were.

A happy, fun person.............and you weren't that way because he was there. You were happy because YOU were YOU!!!!

Backing off and do everything for yourself to achieve happyness within yourself can be the most attractive point your life.

Pressuring him seems to be a complete turn off...........I'm sorry for being so blunt.

Get him thinking...........what will he think if he doesn't hear from you anymore..........turn the cycle around.

I hope that I am not off track for your situation...........I just do know that looks + humor + independent behaviour mixed together seem to be highly attractive...............

You wrote that he's confused..............very true. Affairees are always confused...........it's up to you to confuse him even more...........get him into the thinking mode. Plan B. Do all you an for yourself. Read all about Plan B and what affect it can have.

bb

PS: I keep finding things I want to say. I'm surrounded with many very beautiful women.......honestly.....they are so beautiful....I have to grasp at times. But many of them are unhappy. Most of them are separated or in the misc of separating. Everything about them seems so perfect.....the only thing that really seems to be missing is the sparkle that comes from deep down inside. When they are involved with a man......they seem to be all twirled up about their looks and about this man.....that they seem to forget about themselves.

I know that my looks are important and I don't want to neglect that.....but I do know now that being happy deep within myself reflects more beauty than anything.....mostly in the mornings waking up and looking at my husband......the sparkle in my eyes speaks more than a thousand words......it's just that that keeps me attractive for my husband. My enthusiasm about seeing him and being with him even when I am having a "terrible hair" day.....

I think this is what truely makes a woman attractive for a man......it even makes less attractive women beautiful.