He still hasn't called. I wonder what he's planning. Or if he's planning anything. My therapist said that it is extremely rude of him to not call or be in contact with me.

LA,
I could imagine that he's also "wondering" what's going on. Don't try to make any sence out of his behaviour......WS are ´"self-centered" and they just don't function "logical".

Give this time.............I don't believe that anyone can "simply" forget & throw away" a past relationship....

Stick to your plan and stay away from painfull situations.

Let your WS live his "fantasy" ............reality will "for sure" sink in......even if it might take awhile.

I think that you have all the reasons in the world to be prowd of yourself and honestly I "admire" you. Stay Strong!!!

hugs
bb

I am almost 100% sure that he re-sent the D papers again. Just from the debits in the bank acct. So I'm just waiting for the mailman to knock on the door. I don't want to freak out again. I'm tryint to be strong & get myself ready for it.

I really don't think he has any idea that this is going to be very, very difficult.

Well...the mailman knocked at the door. I sat frozen on the couch & couldn't bring myself to answer. He left a little card in the door. That I have to go to the PO to pick up the package. I didn't think I'd have a panic attack this time. But I was wrong. I feel so awful. I want to call him, but know I can't. I'm afraid of what I'd say. I just feel sick.

I don't know what to do now.

Hi Sunshine,

I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I wouldn't call him if I were you.

You know, you can always wait the 10-15 days that the P.O. holds the certified and they will send it back to him.

I don't know what others might say, but that is an option. It's up to you.

No, I can't. My attorney said to go to the PO & get it tomorrow. I'll go get it and take care of it & get it sent back to my attorney. But I'm gonna cry the entire time.

Ah. I see.

Well, it was worth throwing out there.

Just hang on. Hang in there! We'll all be behind you here. Think about all of us being with you in spirit. Because we will be.

The atty said minimum 6 mos to do a D. I can only hope that WS will come out of his fog and realize what he is throwing away. Who he is throwing away.

I will be thinking of you all & using you all for strength. And I'll make my trip to the post office. I'll wait til I get home to have my meltdown.

Hi LA,

even if we don't know each other............I can honestly feel what you are going through............. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

These "ups & downs" truely suck............

We are here for you no matter what................. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

hugs
bb

I thought I'd be ok. I'm not. I'm a mess again. I'm crying & shaking and can't stop. I hurt so bad. My heart hurts so bad.

LA,
first of all, I'd like to give a BIG cyber hug......gosh do I wish I could do this in person..........

Sometimes it really does help to let all the emotions out.....it releases the inner pressure.
This is completey normal.............and I can truly relate with you.

There were times when I felt like I was going to go crazy and I thought I wouldn't make it through the pain......it's amazing though, when I look back.....to how much pain one can deal with and with every little step and emotional outbreak it did get better.

I wrote to you at the beginning about the "Inner Child" and if you have ever dealt with that......books or whatsoever??
You might want to talk to your therapist about this......

There are ways to learn to cope with this pain and there are techniks that you can learn to comfort yourself.......

LA, you are stronger than you think............have trust in yourself. Being alone gets us into the mode at times when we believe we can't cope with these situations and we tend to believe that we (the BS) are off-track.

But I'd say it's the opposite, when I now look back.......

Just because your WS has some OW he might believe that he is strong and he's doing the right thing........but he will have his "wake up"call sometime.
It doesn't work that way.......it never has and it never will.......

It's improtant for both parties to take a deep look into the relationship and it's very important to find the true reasons why the relationship went the wrong direction. It's never one-sided.

It's just sad that many WS think that all problems will be gone when they switch partners.......and when they are not grown-up enough to at least be honest and open to talk about the situation............

Therefore in your situation and once you become aware of it.......you an use this as a chance to grow and concentrate on "you"............

No matter how sad you might feel about your situation.......you have many reasons to be prowd about yourself.....

Who knows what might happen if you learn to "accept" what you cannot change???

Have you ever sat down and written a list of Pro's and Con's??? What things have changed for the positive during the past months or weeks?? (even if they appear to be very little things)

I hope that I'm making sence to you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

hugs
bb

The only pro that has happened in the past months is that I'm 40+lbs thinner. I look good. I am a different person. I think I'm softer inside. I am more understanding and I've become a better listener.

If it wasn't so noisy outside, I'd take a nap. But I don't know if I could sleep. I'm just kinda numb right now.

I'm going out to lunch. Gonna try to eat food.

I was talking to a woman I highly respect and she went through what I'm going through. She said that calling WS every once in awhile to let him know I'm thinking of him wouldn't be a bad idea.

What do you all think?

LA,

I can't tell you what to do...but the fact that you are feeling down gets me thinking the following:

Can you accept the possibility that the outcome of a call might get you twirling even more??
Can you accept that he might get your hopes up high again??

What do you expect from a phonecall every now and then???
(haven't you had that before??)

If the plan you are now in, is called Plan B.........I'd say, stick to it in order to keep yourself away from further pain........

A bit of Plan A + a bit of Plan B and a bit of Plan AB.....don't work.....at least not from what I have seen in the past 6 years since I have been here.

Do you have the possibility to talk with Steve Harley???
I think that could/would help you a great deal to create a plan that will have an affect.

Even though I am more than sure that not contacting your WS is getting him wondering..........

hugs
bb

I've decided not to call. Let him wonder. My wonderful friend at lunch said not to call either.

Thanks BB. You've helped me alot.

Saw therapy lady today also. She also stated that I should not call. She was glad that I had made plans for my life & I was moving forward and not stagnating and just sitting in a holding pattern waiting for WS to wake up out of his fog.

{{{{{ LA }}}}}

Kudos for being strong and not calling!

I'm not a pro (and I don't play one on tv <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ) so I don't have any advice. I just wanted to express some emotional support. I hope you are keeping yourself busy.

Yep. Not gonna call him. We'll wait & see when he calls next. I've got a full weekend and plenty of things to do. I'm puppy sitting & that will keep me plenty busy.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Good Gal!!!!!!
Gosh am I happy for you..........stay strong.....even when you feel you can't take it anymore.....it'll get better.
(the ups & downs are completely normal------ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />)
hugs
bb