I started reading again. Regular books. Not just marriage books. I also got a call for an audition. Not sure if I'm ready to go out and audition yet. Tonight for some reason a warm sense of well being washed over me. Like everything will be alright. I don't know. But I felt calmer and was actually able to enjoy my book tonight. So maybe something is happening with WS and it will be revealed to me soon. It sounds corny, but that's just the feeling I got.

how long has it been since you've talked?

it's been a month for me. I'm a little sad about it but it's less stressful.

Jan 4th was the last time he called. He acts like a different person. Which is the fog of course. I really miss our conversations that we used to have. I miss him.

Or maybe, something good is happening with YOU. I know that this has been a struggle for you, and am glad that you are at least beginning to find a little peace. Right now, try to focus on what you can do to make yourself feel better. Foggy WH's can't really help you with that.

Who

I agree that good things are happening for me. Because I feel better emotionally & physically. I've also started working harder on my career. And my friends have been great in giving me the support & advice that I need right now.

LA, I saw your photo on the MB group. You are lovely.

Thank you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> My therapy lady said that I seemed stronger. That I wasn't as shakey and undecided. She was glad that I didn't have to take any ativan today. That I didn't have any panicky moments & that I was able to go out & run all of my errands and be fine. Working on me was harder than I thought. But I wonder if it will make a difference to him. I have a feeling he will be calling again soon. It's getting close to pay day for us both & he'll want to know if I paid the bills. Which is silly because he knows I'm totally OCD about things being paid on time.

LA,

wow.......it sure sounds as if "you" are benefiting from being in Plan B. This is what it is meant for. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Staying away from "pain & agony" can/will become a new habit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I'm sooooo happy for you. But be aware that the "ups & downs" will still come and go......this is natural. Stick to your plan, you're doing great!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You mentioned bills..........WHAT bills do you have to pay??Just interested.....I mean, if he wants "nothing" to do with you...."why" financially??

hugs
bb

Well we still have joint checking/savings acct. And I've always been in charge of paying all the bills. Which I do every payday. And he has still let me pay them. Probably laziness on his part.

Yeah, there have been up & downs too. But I try to shake myself out of them. I usually call a friend and they talk me out of it.

But mentally I'm in a better place. Haven't had a panic attack in over 2 weeks.

LA,

Well we still have joint checking/savings acct. And I've always been in charge of paying all the bills. Which I do every payday.

Remember...........you can't change him........but YOU can sure change YOU!!!! I'd now consider making a change with this!!!!

hugs
bb

It's more of a control issue with me. I like paying the bills. I know where the $$$ is. And for right now, I need that control.

LA,

And for right now, I need that control.

"Why" do you believe this?? What do you think will happen, if you "don't" pay the bills anymore?........

hugs
bb

If I don't pay them, I don't know if he will. He isn't as dedicated to getting things done as I am. He procrastinates. I don't. And my name is on most of these accounts and I don't want them to not get paid & affect my credit rating.

LA,

And my name is on most of these accounts and I don't want them to not get paid & affect my credit rating.

I'm not trying to be nosy.........but is there any way to seperate these things??? I mean........get them into "your" name only???
I'm saying this because it would be a great way to "give him a dash of reality"......I don't know what kind of bills you mean but if you are NOT living together and if he is NOT responding to you in anyway.......then why should you "pay" for his things???

I've been here for quite some time now and from what I have read so far.......if you're in a Plan B that means that you seperate yourself from everything.......in order to give him the chance to see what it is like to "live" with all of the responsibilty for himself. Therefore he will have to deal with this on his own.......

Otherwise, he's having his cake and he's getting it "sugar-coated" with this bonus from you, taking care of the finances.

I think that you are no longer responsible for taking care of him financially...........fill me in if I'm off-track.

hugs
bb

For me to feel "safe", I need to take care of the money situation. It's one of the things that scares me the most. Especially since I don't have a full time job right now & I'm on unemployment. I would be a nervous wreck if I didn't take care of this. And I think he knows that & that's why he lets me. In a way it's also my way of showing him that I still care and would not hurt him, even though he has destroyed me.

LA,




So right now, you are paying the bills but he is providing the money to pay the bills. Right?

Who

Correct. We have a joint acct. My unemployment checks and his pay check go into that account and then I pay all of our bills combined out of that account. I will continue to do so for as long as he lets me. I don't think it's wrong or anything. I still haven't had any contact with him since 1/4.

I feel that he's going to call soon. And I have no idea what I'm going to say to him. It makes me nervous.

Today is not a good day. I feel on the edge of panic for some reason. I have no reason to be, but I am. I even took 2 ativan to try to stop the fear & anxiety. February is not going to be an easy month.

If he does call, what should I say?

LA,
I'm sorry that you are having a down............I'm feeling with you.

If he happens to call..........I'd do my best to be as sweet as sugar. Be friendly, soft and ask no questions.....
get him "thinking"......see what happens...

hugs
bb