{please read the signature}

This is so so wrong … was it worth it? For what? All the pain? All the sacrifices? For nothing …
Here I am, again, trying to get up .. was I expecting it? Yes, I was but that doesn’t make it to hurt less.

You know that horrible sixth sense that you acquired with after the A? It was back … for some weeks now, really strong this morning …
40 text messages each last night … I love you forever … I can’t stop thinking about the other night … wanna play hookie? … let’s meet in blah blah …
My hands were shaking so hard …
I went to my morning meeting and stoppped back home. Asked him to leave.
What does he say? NOTHING NOTHING!

I can’t … what do I tell DD?
Yes, I know … I have the ‘peace of mind’ that I tried everything … but I’m left with nothing …
If he wanted to be with her why come back? It’s all the lying and the cheating and the disrespect that is killing my soul.

How do I face friends and family again?
How do I avoid the "I told you so" faces?

I am sooooo sorry, the pain, geesh, if those I told you so faces knew how it hurt they would just hug you instead. This is not a told you so moment, this is more serious then that, this is a little girls daddy and a womens husband.

you are not the one that needs to be embarrassed, I know you know that, it dosen't make it easier I know.

You know he is going to want to come back, you need to figure out whats best for you, again.

sorry, a couple of children's daddy

((((MILY))))

I am so sorry. Do not be embarassed. Hold your head up and tell anyone who opnes their mouth, that you believe in M and providing what is right for your daughter. That you have done everything to make it work and have nothing to be ashamed of. Then you start rebuilding your life for you and your daughter. No more chances with a serial cheater. Can you call the Harley's for IC for you. Do you have friends who will support you? Not hurt you?

God bless

Fled

Mily, Hon, my heart hurts for you and with you.

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF! The shame, the blame, should be on him. People are ignorant. Try not to let them get you down. Surround yourself with REAL support and be your own best friend... be gentle with yourself, forgiving and kind.

I recently found out mine's probably been cheating AGAIN for the last 4 YEARS. Yea, I feel like a fool, that I wasted my time and energy on recovery 9 years ago and accepting his OC from it... but you know what?

I still have my dignity.
I can still look myself and anyone else in the eye.
I don't have to be ashamed of what HE did.

When your daughter is older, you'll be able to her in all honesty that you did everything you knew how (and then some) to try to make this work. (She'll figure out what he's like on her own, unfortunately.)

Walk on with your head high, Mily.
Sorry for the pain.
Hugs,
J

{{thanks for all the comments}}
My 'circle of friends', real friends, is so small that I don't event know if I can make a circle <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I lost a lot of 'friends' when I took him back.

DD - God bless her heart
She just turned 4yrs old a couple of weeks ago ... took it better than I expected.
"Don't worry mami, he'll be back"
How to tell her that I don't want him back? How to tell her that I want her to fight for what she believes and love but without getting herself lost and hurt?
Then I tried to tell her - he loves you and will be visiting you.
I'm not going. I'm not leaving you alone.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Yesterday - he kept calling to talk -
is there anything left to talk about?
He said that 'it just happened'. No, it didn't, you let it happened because you never established a line with OW. You always did whatever she wanted because of OC and never gave us an opportunity to recover. You never put us first.

So then he calls at night to talk to DD.
She asked him - Did you move in with OW?
I don't know what he said to her but next thing I hear is "Bye" from DD and she passed the phone over to me. 'I don't want to talk to him.'
I get the phone and he's crying. Ok.
I told him you are obviously not preprared to talk to her and I proceeded to hang up.

Then he kept calling and leaving nasty messages for the next hour.
In the meantime, DD says - Daddy is not living here anymore so that means I don't have a Daddy anymore. Oh God.
Try to calm down DD, he loves you blah blah ...

When I finally calmed down after listening to his messages ... which pretty much can be resumed in 'this is MY fault and not his.'
I called him - Why are you treating me like I'm the one that did the bad things.
He apologized. Yeah right.
At that point I'm a mess again. It hurts so much, not only I have to deal with him being with OW again, abandoning us but now he is making me the 'bad guy'.
And of course he also used the 'you asked me to leave' ... well you didn't say anything to defend yourself or to try to stay.

So this morning while we are getting ready to leave, he shows up. He wants to see DD and go with me to get her to daycare.
Watching her reaction ... she hugs him. I don't know how much she understands about all of this but him showing like that doesn't help.

After leaving DD at daycare, he apologizes again for his comments last night. I didn't say a word, probably still in shock because he's there. I get to work and he sends a text message apologizong again and then one talking about traffic.
He's so wrong in so many levels.
I can't talk to him like nothing happened? Like we were nothing together? What do I do with the last 15 years of being together? Did they vanished in his mind?
This is worse than any other D-Day.

BTW - I have an 'emergency' appt with counselor on Saturday <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

(((Mily))) Amazingly I was thinking about you just two days ago. Haven't been around cuz youngest DS was in the hospital. Sweetie, you stick to your guns and I would even consider a very strong plan B for your own mental health. You do not need his foggy thinking blameshifting this all back on you. Remember that YOU and DD are the innocents in this mess. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Mily,

Go to the library and check out a book or two on "parenting through divorce". A friend gave me NINE she was about to take to the library. Books can help.

Conversations with my H, he also blames me for his poor decisions--his affair, him calling at the last minute asking for visitation--it's crazy!!! It's like they're all reading out of the same "book".

They aren't worth the stress. The problem is sharing kids under 18 afterward---ugh!

Come over to SB. There's lots of support. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hugs,
J

{{faithful}} I was thinking about that myself too ...
Plan B all the way - not even interestaed in him coming back but getting myself out of his mess. Wow ... he is foggy ...
After his third text message this morning - I told him that it was being very difficult for me to deal with all of this again especially when I didn't have any hopes any more and he seemed to had move on which hurt even more.

He hasn't call or send any other text message since then so hopefully that will stay that way.


I hope your DS gets better ...

Jenny,
I just saw your message ... looking at amazon right now ... let me know if you any 'favorite' one <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Sorry for the may be dumb question ... SB? SurvivingBetrayal?
Seeing some names from MB in there ...

As long as he is with OW there is not much you can do with him as far as making him understand, he is talking the talk right now. He can't admit its him, he has to blame you and what you did or didn't do.

I remember my WS telling people stories that I didn't even recongnize myself in. I was truly amazed, its to bad that It was pre-computers and MB, I still did things the MB way for the most part.

Hang in there, do what you are doing, your kids will give you strength.

{{ thanks}}

He's talking the talk in so much fog <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I don't want to make him understand, I need time for myself to recover ... and to protect DD ...

He's saying now that he loves me but he's going to look for a place for himself because he's confused ...
the easy way out again ...
You know what, he already did that ... he lived by himself, went to counseling and three years alter is again at the same place.

I'm just praying for strength because I can't be near him right now, I cannot be his doormat anymore ...

Good for you M, alot of people stay the doormat, I kind of did, at least I feel like I did.
if you set it up now then if/when H comes back H will know that you won't take it in the future.
I will pray for you and your family, I will pray for your H also.
keep us informed, that is the best way to get help. Just keep adding to this thread about whats going on.

{{{{{Mily}}}}

Wow, Mily I remember your story. I hope all is well. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Unsure

Thanks for the prayers ... I'm feeling stronger ... still sad ... but stronger ...
If anything I hope my story can help other people understand how important is to set strong boundaries when dealing with C
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I tried and I fought and now I don't have anything else ... just to move on ...

"I'm restarting my live once again with my head high and no regrets."

Don't you dare take any blame for his actions. If he wanted the affair to be over it would have been. He chooses to return to OW hold your head up high and realize it is now time to move forward with your life. You have a child to live for.

Good luck!