H's A was 10yrs ago and things have been really good since then. But this past year he started hanging out with single guys 10+ yrs younger than us and they drink excessively. In the past 6 months I've found a "secret" email address he had I didn't know about, a close relationship with a female friend (he says is platonic) and caught him in SEVERAL lies. While checking his computer I came across a few "cookies" relating to different websites for married people who are looking to "date". DISGUSTING!!!! I confronted him about them and he said it must have been popups from other sites he was looking at. Since they were cookies this was plausible. but I dug deeper and found a file called "signons", website addresses that he has logged into and there were FIVE of these married dating sites. He finally admitted he did look at those sites last year when we were fighting about having more kids and he got on there to look around but didn't contact anyone and after a week of just looking around the sites he realized the extreme stupidity of it since he wasn't going to actually do anything so he stopped. I don't know what to think. He's lied to me so much in the past few months that any shred of trust I had in him is gone. And I'm TOTALLY disgusted at this. I was able to get past his A because I knew he didn't go looking for it. He just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and met the wrong person. This is different. When life got rough he actually went LOOKING for an A. Even if he didn't end up contacting anyone it disgusts me that he even was looking at all.
So I don't know what to do. I'm a stay at home mom to 4 kids so divorce isn't really an option.
Any opinions?

I am still looking for an answer to the question posed to you on your other thread...

I'd definitely be looking into a keylogger. I've seen several threads recently about specific loggers that others have used.

You know he still lies to you (he denied having visited the dating sites), so I wouldn't put any stock in his explanations and excuses at this point.

I'm really sorry you've found yourself being deceived again.

Lori

Really?

Right-click on the file in question and select "Properties". Look for the "Created" and "Modified" dates. If he stopped that activity a year ago, then both dates should reflect that.

ManInMotion, thank you so much. I did that and the file (and everything related to his Mozilla Firefox) only goes back to May 9th of THIS YEAR. So he's lying again. I feel sick.

H2H...why do you continue to ignore the questions posed to you?

H2H,

Where to start?

If you look at my sig line, you'll see that I've been through it all with this stuff.

Last year, a couple of very wise women who longer post here, sensed something going on with my husband OTHER than a full blown affair (which, btw, is bad enough, thankyou). So I investigated. I snooped. I asked my husband hard questions. I came up with nothing. Why? Because SA's, porn addicts, waywards, whatever label you want to give them--are all FANTASTIC LIARS. So fantastic, that my husband was able to keep all this crap a secret from me for 25 years. And I don't consider myself stupid. At least, I didn't before this.

Do you know what those women told me, h2h? They told me that what I knew at the time was just "the tip of the iceburg." I thought they didn't know what they were talking about. I thought they were projecting their own bad experiences and seeing way too much in mine.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago--the word polygraph comes up. My husband goes green in the face, and over a period of 2 weeks or so, all the truth comes pouring out--not ONE affair, but many. And a heavy porn addiction to boot.

h2h, I'm not telling you this to scare you. I'm trying to give you the benefit of my experience, like those ladies gave me last year. Unfortunately, it took a long time for me to see that what they were saying was right on mark. I'd hate for you to waste all that time like I did.

The point is, if he's looking at dating websites (which mine did also, it's how he met OW), then there is probably, most likely, a whole lot more that you don't know about.

Try not to make yourself crazy with his [censored] talk, because that's what it is. He's trying to smoke screen. He's trying to gaslight. He's trying to throw you off the scent any way he can. Don't buy it.

The way I got the truth? I said I was leaving until I knew what was going on. I did actually take my daughter and leave the house for a weekend. He freaked out. When I came home, he knew he had to come clean. Then he DID take a polygraph, and he passed it.

Now I'm left with sifting through all of this crap, trying to decide if there is even anything left to hold onto.

If you haven't already been advised to do so, go to recoverynation.com. They may be able to help you there.

My prayers are with you.

RLT

I'm not ignoring questions. I didn't know that he's friends with a cheater until last week when he told me. I had no idea. And yes, I'm in the process of trying to think about how to inform the poor wife since I don't even know her.
As for visiting porn sites I've always been ok with it as long as he did nothing more than look at pictures. Obviously that was a mistake. I do know for a fact that he doesn't do it very often so it's not like he's addicted to it. You're right -- his integrity is in question and THAT'S what I need to decide if I can live with or not.
He still maintains he's telling me the truth and except for his A has never even so much as held hands with another woman. Obviously I'm not believing one word that comes out of his mouth so I told him for the kids sake I would go to MC to TRY and work thru this but the first step is that he absolutely MUST take a polygraph and if he fails it or lies during counseling I'm done. At this point he's willing to do anything.