My wife left on sunday and said it was the hardest thing she had to do. She told me that out of a hundred she only loved me 50%. I want to work it out because she is the only person I love. I've been on the site the last three days reading everything I can. Dr. Harley's three states of marriage tells me she is in withdrawal. I had to figure it out why and it hit me last night on the pages of disrespectfull judgement. It was me! I'm not abbusive, I don't yell or scream but when I went threw the questionar it was me. Now that I think about it she was right in alot of things and I have tried to persway her to my thinking, right or wrong. Dr Harley states that instinct and behaviour usualy come into play on my part as one who tries to change her mind or make her feel guilty, just like my fathers. God I have even heard her say that for years. We have been together for 26 years and I miss her so much. I am going to start with her and myself on the emotional needs questionar and the joint agreement policy as I need it more than her. Boy have I messed up but will she home?

I think if you want her to come home, after you've been together 26 years, you need to invest another year or two in getting things right before you try to get back together. The most common theme I've ever seen is that the two people who've been together so long, have forgotten who 'they' are. They need some time apart to remember, or revisit, who they are as individuals. In both your cases, you probably have some counseling work to do, to get to a point where you're ok with yourselves, and then you can begin to be ok with each other. Give it time, but definitely put in the work. And ask her to put in the work, too. When she sees you making a real effort to learn, it will draw her back to what she saw in you in the first place.

I told my husband about 6 months ago that he was acting just like his mother (an insult), and he was mad. Just the other day, he remarked to me that he was sabotaging his new job, just like his mother would have. You could have scraped my jaw off the floor. Give it time.

BFwingman,

Yes I think she will come home but you have to be the initiative. If you created a mess, you have to be the one to clean up. If you wife have invested 26 years into the marriage, she would not let go easily. But don't expect her to come back on her own. Call her, try to meet her at work, be calm, be sincere and tell her everything you said here. Be honest about your mistake and ask for her forgiveness. Promise to change your behavior and give her the right to correct you everytime you forget and misbehave. Your wife loves you, but if you don't make the move you will miss the chance. Most men think they should wait until the women calm down before they call to say sorry. But for me as a woman, the longer I wait, the more I feel that person does not love me and so it makes me feel stronger not to forgive. Good luck.