You know my story... that's why I'm asking you.

SO emailed me this morning asking to come over and take care of the kids at home for the evening. What do I tell him????

He knows I have a coaching session with Jennifer tonight.

I'm so messed up in my head I can't think straight. I'm extremely depressed today and don't know how I'll get through the next hour, much less the next day.

Will he watch the kids for you while you do your counseling session? And keep them quiet?

My appointment is at 8PM and he said he would leave at 8:15-8:30, but I could ask him to wait until my apointment is finished.

BTW, I met the PI this morning. He told me to wait 2 weeks until he's settled and more comfortable in his new apartment. He also told me that this is all very suspicious. However, according to my story, he's thinking it might not be OW but OM! He says OW is probably not involved because on the times he HAS been out alone, he wasn't with her (remember told you I saw her at the grocery store when H was out a whole day... that day, he was with a man btw... a male friend I thought, but now I'm not so sure).

BTW if it is in fact a MAN that he is involved with, I will be more than happy to cut all ties with him. That is something that I will NEVER forgive or forget.

Does he have your phone tapped? Can you go check all your extensions and see if you see any recording devices?

I can't check now, I'm at work. I'd be truly surprised if he did tap my phone... but if so, how do I check???

I really need to know what to answer, he's going to wonder why I'm not responding to his email.

Aren't you going to tell him YES and ask him to stay until your session is done with Jennifer?

When you get home look at all your phone extensions and jacks throughout the house and see if anything is hooked up.

I'll ask him that, just wanted to make sure that was ok.

I'll check as soon as I get home tonight.

Tell us about the other man friend. How long have they been friends? Are you friends with him too?

How has your sex life been throughout the marriage?

I just know he mentionned his male friend a few times.

Sex life has been ok... there have been some ups, some downs, mostly during pregnancy and post partum. Sometimes, it wasn't frequent enough, time constraint issues, but sex was good. He even told me so, just said it wasn't often enough.

Did the male friend show up around the time he started wanting to move out?

Not that I'm aware of. The only time I KNOW he went out with him was when he spent a day away in September, he was with this guy.

It's hard to say. He could be involved with a man, or a relative or friend of the man, or could be his woman friend. Your best bet is to keep watching and checking. It would be helpful to get his phone records and see what numbers he is talking to.

He could also have a tap on your phone or a keylogger on the computer and is just biding time while you are checking him. But sooner or later it will all come out.

Are you protecting yourself financially?

Financially, I am secure. All financial assets are in my name, except part of the retirement savings, but it's a really small percentage of the retirement savings that are in his name.

He doesn't have any access to bank accounts and such, our finances have always been separate.

That is good.

So just keep watching and trying to check what you can. Stay busy and try to make a nice life while you are figuring out what is going on. Make your home a nice place and work on any changes you need to make.

See what he says next. Don't argue with him.

How am I supposed to act tonight with him? I get that I don't argue, judge, anger... I understand those are big LBs.

Should I act sad? Happy? What??? I'm so confused.

He has already told me to not try to attempt to touch him tonight. He's even refusing sexual advances now... although it's probably what I would want the most right now. Just to feel desirable as woman again.

This afternoon he told me to get used to it, that we are going to be separated for a minimum of 8 months, maybe longer, maybe permanent.

Be confident and cheerful. Have the house looking nice. Don't talk relationship talk.

It went relatively well last night. I was as upbeat as a possibly could. We played with the kids before it was time for my phone consultation with Jennifer.

I think it was money well spent. I have a plan of action. I don't know if it's going to actually work, but I have a plan.

After the call, I tried to get him to have sex. He refused, saying "I want to, but I can't". I didn't ask him to elaborate. But he did touch my hand. He wouldn't touch me with a 6 foot pole last Friday.

He is not in good shape. He's lost a lot of weight in 2 weeks, he's really really pale. He looks sick. He told me he was very worried about the future, especially financial. In 2 weeks, he's racked up a huge amount of debt and was counting on being able to get some retirement funds to finance his move. Well, the retirement funds are available to him, but he thought I would have to pay income tax on it when it's him who will have to pay. He tried asking me for money... I said I'd have to think about it. I think if I do help him out financially, I'm enabling him in his behavior. But, it just tears me apart to see him suffering like this. I don't know if he's manipulating me though or if he is really hurt. FWIW, I don't like that he is dangling that financial stuff over my head. But I guess it's his way of dealing with the hurt he's living with right now. Normally, he would never do something like that. I'm trying to treat this threat with understanding that he is not himself right now. But it is eating away at me.

Last night he told me that he was going broke, but he didn't want to come back home for the wrong reasons. I told him that even the wrong reasons were better than no reason at all. At least, while he's in the house, I can more easily prove to him that I am avoiding love busters and trying to meet his EN, when he comes out of "withdrawal".

We are seeing each other again tonight at the MC. Jennifer asked me to do something tonight when I see him. I have no idea how he is going to react, but I am going to put my faith into what Jennifer said.