i posted this in another thread on this site but i wasn't for sure were it should be. i may be wrong about this but it's how i feel. after 2 affairs by wife i am lost. i found out about the a's almost a year ago but i can't seem to get over them. i have talked to my wife about what i feel we need to heal and even counceling but nothing has seem to work. i want to leave for a while but i can't make myself do it. the only reason i can't leave is because of our 4yr old son. she has not shown remorse. last week she said she would make us a marriage counceling appt. since thats what i feel we need. the only problem is it's been over a week and she has not mentioned it since. i am at the point of having no emotion or feelings anymore. this is a scary place for me because i have always been outgoing and caring. i am finally getting strong enough to give up. what should i do?

Ronc,

Think this is tough? Go through a divorce.

Have a respectful, heartfelt conversation with her and work on the marraige. If she truly will not work on the marraige period, then it is decision time.

Also, do you want to tell your 4 year old son you are getting a divorce? I didn't think so. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Get to work.

Well, she has no remorse and has done it twice. (well she probably "did it" a buncha times)

She'll do it again.

ronc-
Only you will know when you have had enough... it may take a long time, it may not. YOU are the best gauge of what you are feeling.

I think that if she has not shown any remorse, and this is something that you NEED, you need to tell her.

What are her reasons for her affairs? Does she have any?

Hi Ronc-
I know what you are going through. My WH is living at the house while my DS and I are hopping from home to home looking for a place to stay. I'm going through a very difficult time in my life where I really don't know if I want to be married to someone who doesn't feel bad for what they did in the marriage. They feel no remorse, yes I know what that must mean to you. the difference here is that we are going through a Divorce and currently at child custody battle. I know he is not happy, but doesn't show try to work on the marriage. He feels no remorse and that kills me, but you know what? life goes on. I know you've heard this a million times but they will regret it later on in life, and perhaps by then, it will be too late. Be strong, be very strong!

I have been where you are. I couldn't get over the affairs either--not on my own anyways. Once I handed my life over to God, and cast every worry to him, and then TRUSTED him to deliver me from my pain, in time I was healed. Her affairs are no longer pain points in my heart.. they are simply milestones in our journey. It is possible to completely get over her affairs, with God's help. I am proof.


Excellent. This is when God will work the hardest for you, when you have tried EVERYTHING, and nothing will work. He has been waiting for you to come to this conclusion. Reconciliation is his specialty you know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Do not leave. Your suffering is real, but it is NOTHING God can't take away in an instant if he chooses. Your son needs you. Your wife needs you. God's needs you to be the leader and lead by example. It sounds to me like all you are doing is TALKING about things. Time to ACT.


That is totally normal. She will in time, when you have put her into a position where she will have to. The only way you can do that is by living Christ-like in your home, leading with unconditional love support and devotion no matter what her mood, day in and day out. She will notice. She will at first think there is something wrong with you. Then through your devotion she will receive His love. And she will desire it. Desire on her part will take a lot of time. But it will come eventually.. when you sanctify her.


If YOU think yall need counseling, why has SHE been tasked to making the appointment?? Please get Christian counseling. And YOU be the leader, and YOU make the appointment. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Reconcile with God. And God will reconcile your marriage.

He will

I guarantee it

Ronc, calibabeus.... are you familiar with these terms? HEADSHIP AND SUBMISSION?

* Headship is the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christ-like, servant leadership, protection, and provision in the home.

* Submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband's leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.

No headship? No submission.

You know, I don't know that you have it straight.

You have the traditional view of it but sometimes those traditions are traditions. What are your credentials.

Now, before you blast me, I am a church-going Christian. I have also heard lessons, from someone who is way more qualified than am I to speak on the topic of translations from Greek or Hebrew, teaching that the words used in many of these headship/submission discussions is a mutual surrendering of self to the good of each other. That the primary responsibility for providing love and respect - the leader in providing for the wants and needs of the couple - is BOTH PARTNERS.

All I have is my personal TESTimonial from my own TESTs. I am a witness. I am TESTifying.


I would never "blast" anyone. I am a witness and nothing more. Dust. Irrelevant. For all I know, God considers me a [censored]. But scripture tells us he even uses [censored] to deliver his message.

I would debate this line you wrote: "mutual surrendering of self to the good of each other." I would argue that the purpose of mutual submission (your use of the word "surrending" means something very different) should be for the good of GOD, not each other. "Each other" implies the wants and needs of EACH person, which is in conflict with doing EVERYTHING in one's life for the glory of God, not one, or another.