Hey Chai

Popping in to wish you a Merry Christmas! I am spending the day with my pups, but tomorrow me and the two doggies are off to my mom's in Atlanta for the rest of the week.

You sound so strong and well. I am grateful to you, Skins, James, Believer and so many others that help to walk my journey with me.

Many blessings to you.

Smartie

Hey Smartie. Glad you are doing well. I'm with my dog too - I call her Psycho Pup. She's too funny. She sometimes walks up to the dishwasher to lick the utensils, so I just shoo her off. Last night I forgot to close the door, and I came in the kitchen to find her standing on the open door with half of her body in the dishwasher licking all the dishes. I let her lick the plate as a treat last night after I finished dinner, and I guess she thought it would be OK to go lick all of the dishes. Silly dog.

Hey LoBoy. Have to run for now, but if you are on the boards tonight let me know and I'll give you the two paragraph rundown on my sitch. WH did not file for D - it was a false alarm from my atty. I've tried to change the name on my thread but for some reason I can't edit my first post anymore.

Hope you are have a MC!!

Trying to change name on post...

Hi Chai,

Merry Christmas during thie transition to the NEW CHAI. It may seem sad, but it is also a new beginning so maybe you can look at this differently....and somehow be glad!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

RE: changing your thread name.....if it's been past 2 months (which is has), the only way you can change the original post is to ask the mods to do it for you.

I've been reading your thread and praying for you, but haven't posted much since you have such great friends checking in often. I would love to crash your So. CA B/D party if/when you guys decide to do it!

Happy New Year, too.

Ace

Hi Chai,

Have you tried going to your 1st post and click on edit? I tried it and was able to open it in the edit mode. Let me know if still are not able to edit.

You can e-mail me what you want changed and I can edit it for you.

My e-mail address: mb_oasys@yahoo.com

Oasys

Hi Ace,

Glad to see you around. Merry Christmas to you too.
Yes, it has been over two months, but Oasys is going to change the name for me. I just wanted to clear it up that NO, he did not file for D.

Well, here is the story for today. Yes, it has been a depressing day. DD called to tell me that WH was in fact in town to see her, but only for 2 hours. He took her to lunch. She said that OP called while they were eating, but only to wish WH MC. DD said that she talked to OP and asked OP if she was with her dad, and OP said NO, that she has a new boyfriend, and that she was sorry for any problems she caused.

OK, WTF goes here? One, she just "happened" to call?? Two, she has another BF but is calling WH??? I'm not sure what that was all about, but it just didn't add up.

DD said that WH is not going to D me, so I would just have to go on like I am. He has not signed LSA either. He said less than 6 weeks ago that he did not want to be M anymore.

So, what am I supposed to get out of all of this? Now I'm very confused.

Can someone else look at this from the outside and tell me what is going on?

Chai,

For right now forget about him. Tell us what you want for you. We know you want your H back but if that is not possible for now what can you live with?

This c/b a starting point to help you move forward. As you can see the WS is still quite confused himself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

We can help you identify your objectives and work through the objections. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

So whether he wants a D or not, you are ready t/d what is best for you and your family.

Here's a start.....what are your personal and M boundaries?

L.

Well, like Orchid says, it is much better to ignore what WH is doing or not doing. Focus on YOU.

Maybe there is trouble in paradise. Affairs almost always end.

Orchid, Believer,

You two are absolutely right. That's what Plan B is for right? With Jennifer's help, I did reach out twice and he ignored.

It's just that today (1 year ago) was my Dday, so it was a hard day. Difficult not to think about it I guess. My personal boundary is not to be hurt by this anymore, and my marital boundary would be stick to Plan B until there is remorse expressed and a willingness to meet the conditions.

New information always takes me a day to two to process and get over it. I'll be OK after I get through today and get back to work tomorrow. I won't have time to think about it!

Hey Chai!

For a DDay anniversary, you are sounding very good today!

Remember, the "new information" is filtered through a third person. Hard to say what WH really meant or is trying to maniuplate right now. What's up with D talking to OP?? Sorry, but I find that strange.

Anyway, Orchid & Believer are right. What YOU want is what is important right now.

Sorry you have to work tomorrow. For a change, I am off until the New Year and I intend to enjoy every second.

PsychoPup? I love that nick name! Did you get a picture of her in the dishwasher?? Too cute.

Chai,

I'm checking in on your to see if there is anything I can do.

What plans do you have for tonight?

Hey Skins,

Well, DD has been asking for OPs number for ages so that she could tell her to leave us alone. Since my DD has a horrible temper, I was afraid that she would threaten OP, so I would not give her the number. WH kept telling DD that he was not seeing OP anymore, so DD said that when OP called, she asked WH who it was, and DD grabbed phone and asked OP if she was with her Dad. And you are right, this came from DD, so I'm not sure what was going on. DD says she believes it, but I don't. Seemed funny that OP just happened to call at that time. Besides, if she had another BF, why would she still be calling WH. It all sounded like a setup to me. Not sure why though.

Oh, you would get a kick out of my Psycho Pup. She's a hoot. No, I did not get a pic of her in the dishwasher. Too busy yelling, laughing etc. Couldn't believe what I was seeing. She is a Boston Terrier, so we have always called her Psycho Pup, the Boston "Terror" lol

Glad you are off for the rest of the week. Things will be light for us, so I plan on getting some shopping in.

I would love to see that picture of your dog. My boys brought up the subject of getting a dog. We had a German Shepherd, but there was NO way I could take care of her and so I needed to get rid of her. I gave her to a friend who has lost her daughter 3 days before my D-day.

I go to my 2nd job tomorrow, but I am going early so it should be an easy time and I can get to a meeting later on, hopefully at least.

Shopping retail therapy. Hmmm. That sounds like fun. I do need to skip down to work for a few hours and put in some PO's before I can really rest, and there is a box of stuff that I need to get done for our Waiver day, but I still have LOTS of time.

My kids are attending a lacrosse camp this week starting tomorrow and there is an alumni game on Saturday.

I think as Plan Aing my H, I want to invite him to this. He would really be an a$$ to bring her especially its around all our friends. He hasn't done that yet. But then everyone would see what she looks like and that really wouldn't be in his best interest.

I am learning we dont' necessarily get to understand the why, but walk through the event and trust G-d. Way easier to give advice than receive. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Chai:

Sorry to hear about the DDay anniv...on Christmas. What a terrible situation to have that associated with Christmas. You making out OK?? I had my 1yr DDay anniv on 12/2, and it was a difficult day.

Don't think I am hanging around tonight, but popping in for a bit and probably will be back tomorrow...if ur up to it, post the rundown when you can.

BTW - your Boston Terrier would be like a doggie treat for my English Mastiff. DD11 gave me a pet jersey of my favorite hockey team for my Mastiff...it was an XL but doesn't come close to fitting her.

Merry Christmas!

LoBoy

Hey LoBoy,

Thanks for checking in on me. I scheduled a meltdown for last night, but in the end decided that I just couldn't take the headache that goes with it so I just went to bed.

I would love to see a pic of your Mastiff. My DD used to work at the Dogwash, and she and her boss had their pics taken one day with the biggest dog any of us have ever seen and it was a Mastiff. Three heads in the picture with the Mastiff in the middle, and I don't have to tell you who had the biggest head. It looked like two peas on each side of a watermelon. You really have to have those dogs trained well. My BT is semi-trained I guess you could say. She's a jumper - on me, over the back of the couch, etc. Can't let a Mastiff do that....

OK, here's the two para lowdown for LoBoy:

I had a series of corp. downsizing in the middle of aging parents. I was the primary wage earner for many years, so the pressure always seemed to be on me. My dad died 4 years ago, and two days later I got downsized again. This all at the holidays. Right after holidays, WH got a good job offer that involved a "little" travel. We decided that it was his turn to support us while I took a corp break and started a business. Kind of as a pre-retirement thing for us. We were M 31 yrs at that point. One child - DD who was in college. The plan was to get her through college, sell the house, downsize and start looking at retirement plans.

Fast forward two years to 2006. I'm busy running the business, taking care of rental property, an aging mother, a big house on several acres (that was for sale), and just taking care of all other admin stuff you have, like paying bills etc. WH's job involved more travel than we thought, but I was being the good corp wife trying to keep everything off of his back while he concentrated on his job. He got put on a long term assignment and was working many weekends. He was coming home less and less because of weekend work. I suspected something but quickly put it out of my mind. Maybe just didn't want to face it.

Anyway, last Christmas he said the long term assignment was ending at year end and he would be home more. We spent Christmas Day looking a numbers for the business, looking at other houses to buy for when ours sold, planning on a vacation etc. The house needed so much work because he hadn't been home much that year, and it was starting to show.

We had dinner with my family and after dinner he left to go down to the convenience store to get something. The phone rang and caller ID just had the name of the city and state - the one where he was working. I pick it up and no answer on the other end. They hung up. I did a reverse lookup and found that it was the hotel where he stayed. When he walked back in I confronted, he denied, denied, denied until finally admitting. Turns out he met her in a bar near the hotel. He convinced me it was nothing and that he wanted our M, would work on it, he loved me, etc.

For the next five months I really thought we were in recovery. At first, I checked his cell and there were always missed calls. He said that she was psycho and kept calling. He even played a vm for me where she was screaming and threatening to call me. I was convinced it was a fatal attraction kind of thing. I did a background search using her number and found prior divorces, bankruptcies etc.

In May, I just felt something was not right. One day I went to get the mail and there was a new cell phone bill. WH had a second cell. I then opened his company cc statement and found that he had recently been back out there. I then called her. She confirmed everthing. He told her we were getting D, and she told me that they lived together most of that year. The A really never ended. She had been travelling with him when he wasn't with me. So, since May it has been a series of ups and downs. I found MB about then.

He kept telling me it was over, but I kept snooping and finding out otherwise. I did a few bad Plan B's, always allowing him back in without meeting my conditions. The last straw was Sept. when he told me he was in one state and I found out he was in another - hers. I had a big LB at that point. Just couldn't take it anymore. Nine months and several false recoveries was just too much for me. I went to a dark Plan B.

Two weeks later we got a low offer on the house (which by this time was falling down around me). He didn't want to accept, but I couldn't live alone in a secluded area anymore. I had by then filed for LS (found out he had run up debt and had given OP a large sum of money), so I had to threaten to force sale of the house.

It all happened so fast. New buyers wanted us out immediately. At that point WH became very hostile. Blaming me for us losing so much money on the house. He would not help with anything. Would not even come to the closing. He came home a couple of days when I wasn't there, got his stuff, had movers get his furniture and left. I saw him for 10 minutes the last day and decided to take one last run at it, but he was so hostile. Said I did too much. ?? He left, I hit bottom that day, picked myself up the next with help of great friends, went to the closing and got my half of the proceeds (which wasn't much), bought this condo and here I am. I've been here 5 weeks now.

I served him with a LSA the day I moved in here and he has not signed. The D scare was a false alarm from my atty. Funny, he didn't want to be M, but won't sign the papers. I've worked with Jennifer and she had me send two additional letters talking about how we could recover etc. but he ignores them. Tells DD he wants nothing to do with me after what I did. Go figure.

OK, so it was the 10 para version, but some were very short <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Thanks for listening. It was good therapy.

Hi Chai,

Merry Christmas. Glad to see you are hanging in there. I am going thru a difficult time right now as well. I pray that 2008 will be a better year for all of us.

Who

Thanks Who. Is the difficult time recovery related? If so, I hope that things work out for you. Post about it if we can help....

Chai,

Thanks. Nothing serious, at least I don't think so. I am soooo under the weather with a cold right now and am feeling more that a bit sad.

I guess, recovered or not, deep down inside of me, there is a sadness associated with my FWH caring so little about how his affair might hurt me. Mostly I just ignore it, but sometimes, it just rushes to the surface and I find myself shedding a few tears without warning.

Even now, being recovered, I think that everything that has happened is just a blip on the screen for him, where it really has defined my life.

Maybe time will take away the sadness that sometimes still just overwhelms me.

Who

Small T/J for Smartiepants2

NC has the alienatin of affection law, thought of doing anything with that?

HTH

Who,

I'm sorry that you aren't feeling well. Hope you get back up to par soon.

I think I know what you mean. When I thought we were in recovery, I was always wondering if WH felt any remorse at all. I know that those who have recovered say that it can be better, but I guess I just wonder how so. Just knowing that WH was able to discard me so easily will hurt forever. I don't think you ever can forget it.

Hang in there. I think what you are going through must be normal. We wouldn't be human if we didn't feel some sort of loss.