Smartie,

You sound great too. My friend is a yoga instructor, so I should give it a try. I did try it once a few years back and I must have been the only person ever to become sea sick at yoga. I had to leave and go home to bed. I have a really bad motion sickness problem, and they had us do this circle thing with our eyes close and whamy, I got motion sickness from it and almost lost it. I've never had the desire to try it again.

I hope OP has to pay you big bucks. No returns, no warranty. Gosh I love that law.

Remind me - what are you working on for school? I thought I read that you were working on a degree?

Believer,

I'm so confused on this. Some say set the bar high, others say not so high. What to do???? How do you know?

Ha, I love the idea of the OP having to pay the BS.

Funny, in my sitch, the OW seemed to think that my FWH was Mr. Moneybags. Because their A was a long distance on and she met him when he traveled on business (with a generous expense account) she never realized that I was the primary income earner.

Shortly after d-day when she called me, dispite the fact that the A was already over by d-day, they were still in contact because OW was a freelance writer on a publication that FWH managed. I made it really clear that I was the one paying all the bills and that she was welcome to him. I told her she had better get a job because she would have to start covering all the things I did.

She had been expecting him to financially bale her out. Once she realized that ending the A had been his idea, ie. I had no deliberate influence since I didn't know, and that he relied on me for support, well, she couldn't disappear from our lives fast enought.

On your coming to DC, just let me know. I'll be out of town next week moving my Mom into assisted living, but after that I'll be home alone cause FWH is taking DD 21 to a Panama Canal Cruise for 10 days.

Take care,

Who

Who,

Boy does that story sound familiar. Same sitch with me - he met her out of town on an assignment. She thinks he has money too because of the expense account. Whips out the Amex and pays for everything. What she didn't understand though is that the $40/day per diem didn't cover the Amex bill, so now WH has his "secret" cards run up which I'm insisting that he pay for under the LSA. We're talking major bucks here. She's had major financial problems and expects him to cover it, but now most of his salary has to go to pay off the "secret" cards. I've found that waywards are not intellectual heavyweights by any means.

I'm going to try to get down there over MLK day. My client is closed that day, so thought I would come if the weather permits driving. I'll leave Friday morning and return Monday. I'll let you know for sure, and we can meet for coffee.

Hey Chai,

I have not spent as much time looking around. But I wanted you to know I am thinking about you. How are you doing?

Queenie

Chai

LOL on the motion sickness from yoga--I'll give y'all the scoop on how my first yoga session goes this weekend. I took a spin class over a year ago and I was so exhausted after class I could barely walk to the showers afterward. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> But talk about a good workout--I want to do spin class again on a regular basis after I'm done wih school. I can only fit in so many exercise classes! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm actually working on getting my MBA. I'll be done in August--yipee!! I love the program but it is a heck of a lot of work. Funny though how God works because I found out about the A not long after I started school. Only by His Grace have I made it through the program this far AND the bonus is I've got so many new friends who are a part of my support system now, and the schoolwork and classes keep me busy so I am forced to spend less time thinkg about WH.

I wish I could visit you guys in DC--I used to work there years ago and I fell in love with the city. I chose not to find a job there when I graduated from school because at the time my H (although we were not married at the time) was in Wisconsin and I wanted to move there to be with him. If I'd known then what I know now *sigh* but we play the hand we are dealt...

Who knows, once the D is final and the property settlement is done I can start making some plans to move to DC?
One thing at a time...

Smartie

Hey Smartie,

Keep me posted on the yoga gig. I actually hate exercise, so I try to disguise it by taking the dog for a walk, riding my bike, or just cleaning (up and down the stairs a lot).

Have fun doing your MBA. I got mine many moons ago. It definitely is a lot of work, but worth it in the end. It was good because it gave you something to focus on during a trying time.

My friends have actually asked me to consider moving down to DC to be near them, so I am considering it. I've known them over 30 years, so they really are my family. Other than my older brother, I don't have any other family my age. Just don't know if I can afford much there.

Chai,

MLK weekend is great. I get back from Minnesota Friday night and FWH will already be gone on the cruise. My only plans for the entire weekend is tearing down wall paper and painting. Sounds fun Huh.

Who

Who,

I'll let you know for sure. I'm trying to work it so that I can get off that weekend to drive down. Just hope that it doesn't snow!

Hmmmm, setting the bar low or high............

Most, if not all WS's who have continued their affair for some time are still a bit foggy even when they come back to the marriage. I've seen very few who have a sudden awakening. It is usually more gradual, and they don't understand all that they have done for months and months.

Now, I think the BS must continue insisting on a marriage that is much better than before, or why bother? But it needs to be a work in progress.

{quote] I'm trying to get to DC soon, so I'll let you know. [/quote]



I wanna come. I would be that much closer to my Skins. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> and those awesome Blue Crabs...... I can just smell them now....

I haven't posted in so long that I couldn't find my thread.

WH is still being so vile. About 6 weeks ago he called my realtor to tell her that a check came from the title company, and it was in both of our names. What should he do? I said that he could endorse and send it to me and I would give him half, or he could send it to me, I would endorse and he could send me half. Didn't matter to me.

Well, I still don't have the check. My realtor called him yesterday to tell him and he said that he had it "locked up" because he wasn't sure what he was going to do with it. Said he had 180 days to decide (before check expires).

At this point, I'm not sure what to do other than to get my atty involved. I could end up spending more than what I get from the check if I get him involved in it. Any suggestions. I could use the money right now since I've been helping our DD with things.

Our DD, another story. DD26, who has a checmical dependency is now pregnant with child by a jailbird, loser. I had to take her dog from her because he was starving. Now I have this to deal with. I'm far too old to raise a child alone, so not sure what I'm going to do about that one. I know that WH will wash his hands of it, so it will be up to me to do whatever.

Also, I've been trying to work a full time job and keep my retail business on the side but that isn't working out either. I may end up shutting it down which will mean that I'm going to have a lot of debt and lose a lot of money. The thought of that makes me sick.

This affair has cost so much money. It is now well into the 6 figures, mostly due to the money lost on the house sale, but if I have to close my business it will keep climbing. All of the stress is starting to show in little ways (stomach pains, IBS, insomnia, blood pressure etc).

So guys, all in all, it's been a $hitty last week. Any advice would be helpful. Trying to stay positive but it is so hard sometimes....

Well, better check in over on the Goddess thread. First you need to save YOU.

If there is no way you can keep your business going, I guess you need to shut it down. If you are going to have LOTS of debt, see an attorney and see if you can do something to have the business go bankrupt without causing you problems.

How is your job going? If you can make it on that alone, it will be okay.

Now, your daughter.............. YIKES!!!! Is she still using drugs while pregnant? If she can't feed a dog, I worry about the baby. Would she give the child up for adoption?

Believer,

Well, I did decide today to close the business. My lease runs out in 4 months, so going to start unloading inventory and gearing down. Good thing WH didn't sign the LSA I guess. I was willing to take the business and it's debt while he walked away with only his "secret" credit cards. I've now had a change of heart. His A is the reason all of this is happening, so I'm going back to make him pay for half of the debt. I may have to end up filing for D to make it happen. I was hoping for recovery, but at this point he is so hostile and makes it very clear that he wants nothing to do with me. Funny how everything becomes the BS's fault.

Not sure what I'm going to do about DD. WH has walked away from both of us, so it is going to be up to me. Yes, there is no way that she is capable of caring for a child. It's very sad. Everyone keeps telling me it isn't my problem, but how can it NOT be? And yes, I believe that she is still using, which scares me.

Yes, my job is going OK and I can definitely make it on that alone. Just did not think I would be starting over in my 50's.

Hi Chai,

Sooooo sorry for your sitch. I did see your thread buried, but I thought maybe you had started another one....I've been off for awhile.

Can you consult with your lawyer for options only? You need to protect yourself but there may be some sort of legal strategy that will ensure H pays his half. And just because you file the D does not mean it can't be stopped if he defogs later. (Often, the hostility is better that indifference.)

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Chai}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

The most important thing is taking care of you. Like Believer says, get the Goddess in you going.....btw, you've inspired me to check out the mineral make-up.

Thanks,
Ace

Hey Ace,

Good to hear from you.

Yes, I'm talking to my atty. I'm no longer being the nice guy here. This A has caused us to lose our house, most of our savings, and now my business. Where does it stop?

And the sad thing? I know that the A will end, we all know it. But after it ends, you have a trail of trash behind. A broken family, financial devestation, emotional scars that never go away, and 35 years of history up in smoke.

If I sound bitter, I'm starting to become that way rather quickly. I just don't know how you pick up the pieces and recover after something like this. At least I don't know how I can.

Ok, sorry to be a downer today. I was doing so good too. DANG.

I need an attitude readjustment. I'll work on that today.

CL, no great advice other than what you've heard. Take care of yourself. You have a LOT going on. It's remarkable that you're doing as well as you are.

What are you doing for yourself today?

(((CL)))

Chai,



Sounds like a good plan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />... whatcha doing about it?

and I second SD...

...I guess it's a matter of perspective...considering all that's on your plate...I think you are actuallly doing.... great! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey Luna,

I'm working on it. Some days are harder than others.

As time goes by, the thought of recovery is questionable.

Glad you stopped by!!

For my money, time spent thinking about whether or not you can recover with WH isn't time well spent. It's not an option right now anyway.

Try to refocus the thoughts. When you catch yourself thinking about WH, like "What a louse he turned out to be," instead think "My life is not full enough. I need to do something for myself. What should it be?"

Or add distractions to the little spaces when your mind can wander (for me, this is driving or on my beach walks). Do you do podcasts?

SD,

I know you are right - we shouldn't think about it. It's hard though. I had a 34 yr. M, so it isn't easy to forget after that long of a time. I guess the thought of growing old alone is a bit scary.

I don't sit and dwell on it though. I work all day, take care of my business in the evenings and on weekends, and fill the other times with working on the condo. I love doing improvement type things and decorating. It would be nice to share it with someone though. That's the tough part.

No, I don't do podcasts. I love to drive, and I have Sirius in the car so I'm always listening to the news. I'm a news junkie I guess. Haven't gotten into podcasts though.

Lucky you to have the beach. I love CA and would live there if the opportunity ever arises. My friend who lives in Brentwood says that I would hate it if I lived there, but I doubt it.

Anyway, am trying to stay focused on me.....