WW
DD June 25, 2007. I had been suspicious for weeks and decided to begin digging on her computer. It took a couple of weeks but finally an email popped up. She was distressed that the OM stopped calling, etc. She was heartbroken. So was I. I confronted her that night. She spilled the beans but only that it was an emotional affair. She agreed to DC immediately. Which I guess was easy since he dumped her.

Skeptical, I remained vigilant in monitoring her activities and began digging deeper into her computer archives. I discovered another affair dating back to Sept, 2005, and another (which I knew about) that started in 2001. But the email I uncovered regarding the 2001 A was dated Dec, 2006. WW was still trying to dump Mr. 2001. Unsuccessfully, I guess.

I’m certain the 2001 A is over. The 2005 A turned out to be a MM business client of hers, and remains a BC of hers. This A according to the WW is physically over. Hopefully this is honest information because I can't bear to think she was sleeping with 3 men (including me) at one time.

We have a mess here.

Positive actions I’ve taken to date before finding MB site:
1. Demanded NC with all parties.
2. Threatened June OM, 2005 MM OM to reveal their disgusting behavior to their FW’s. To date I have not. Maybe just before x-mas. I don’t know.
3. Told WW’s father and my mother only.
4. Had WW tell the children about June OM.
5. Instituted plan “A” immediately.
6. Saw a therapist for the first time.
7. Forced the WW into therapy.
8. Went together to therapist.

Negative actions I’ve taken

1. I have an incessant need for details and discussion regarding her actions.
2. I remain pathetically obsessed with her whereabouts.
3. Depression has affected my work and family life in general.

Since buying into MB’s approach I have backed off. WW is still in a fog. She will discuss disgusting details of the As but has little interest in MB. The giver in me is working hard. But I’m starting to feel hopeless. This site has given me strength to carry on.

For my part. I should not be surprised. I haven’t invested any ES in our relationship for a long time. She stopped fighting for us and I just let it die. I had opportunities for A’s it just was not in me to live the double life required. But it does not make me feel any better just because I did not choose to find ES in another’s arms.

Anyway. A huge light turned on in June. I keep thinking to myself “is this what I have built?” 20 years of investment. 3 beautiful kids. Successful career. I don’t want to become another D statistic. Help.

I'd sure be interested in hearing what your counselor has to say. I hope you are honest in your counseling sessions so you can work on your predilection to imitate Simon Legre. She wasn’t right by any means in what she has done, but mister, I think you’ve most certainly set the stage for her adultery. If you think you’ve embraced MB principles in your list of good things you’ve done, boy are you WAY off mark.

I wish you all the best in recovering your marriage, but I don’t think that will happen until you learn to become a partner in your marriage, rather than a slave master. Good luck.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Looking back, our M apathy let pure evil into our house. It is a basic human reaction to now want to grab the fire hose and take control. It has taken a lot of soul searching for me to determine what I can not control and the best way forward.

I could hardly describe myself as a slave master at any time in our marriage. Bad cultivator for sure.

Unfortunately, we went into therapy way too soon as the depth of her lies and breadth of her A’s had not been revealed. We spent 3 sessions dealing with an “emotional relationship” with one man. She didn’t want to hurt me with the truth.

To date, I believe I’ve been able to mine most of the truth. But in reality, I’ve had to come up with each instance with documented proof before she would admit. So there may be more, but I’ve reached my heart break thresh hold and do not care to dig deeper.
Now may be a more appropriate time for therapy, but I am waiting for the idea to come from her.

Patients and one day at a time.

If you're going to wait for her to act... you are going to be waiting a very, very, long time.

A WW will not act until the pain of acting is less that the pain of not acting.

So far, I see no reason for her to act.

What accountability measures have you set up?

You are going to need to be proactive if you want to save your M. Your WW will likely not be any help in this early stage.

She has agreed to call me and inform me where she is at-at all times, and has been good at this so far.

call Dr. harley...*****edit********** Take these concerns to the professional. Yes, you need to work on some things...but your wife is the major issue here and there is a very good reason for your feelings at this time.
Very important on several fronts that you expose these affairs immediately. Do NOT assume that they are over ... expose..the other mens wives have a right to know.
Also, do not sleep with your wife until she has been checked for STD's. The chances are very good that she walked away with something...most likely HPV. You get checked out too.
****edit************.

AND even if it means she needs to leave her job immediately...she needs to have ZERO contact with any of her affair partners for life! ZERO..no business contact, emails, texts, etc.
Change email addresses, phone numbers, etc. No contact letters should go out as well. And you need to contact the OBS immediately as well.

WW works from home.

Zero Contact has been agreed to. I’m doing my best to monitor and have not made any discoveries. I plan to notify the OBS just haven’t worked up the inner strength.

Thanks for your input.

I can just call Dr. Harley?

click on the counseling center tab...it will walk you through what you should do.

her 2005 affair still does business with her??? that is not NC.

Not anymore. I contacted the MM on Sept 25 the day after I found out.

You NEED to contact MM's spouse.

That'll nip it in the bud for sure.