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So my WW is telling me to stop being so nice, no gifts, no notes, no cards, no flowers, etc.
Why would she do this. Do my kind actions make her feel uncomfortable? Is she concerned that maybe she might start feeling for me again? Or is this one of those times I should actually listen, because she actually does hate me? I have some really great ideas for gifts packages, that I know she would love....
Ryan.
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it has been suggested for you to back off. you are hurting your own chances here.
why the new thread?
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Scott,
Just do as she says and leave her be. Gifts will only make her feel worse about what she is doing and that anger will be directed at you. So do as everyone has suggested and start making changes for yourself and let her see this
Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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The gifts wouldn't be any time soon. It just struck me as being strange that she would say to stop being nice. I guess I was just curious if anyone, specifically, any WW's would know why she would say that. I am cutting contact with her, until/if she talks to me. The reason I just started a new thread is because I wanted to know, about this even though I wasn't going to act on it.
Ryan.
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scott what I meant was this question is relevant to your other thread...you can just keep continuity by asking over there in case people are not familiar with your story.
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Well I've been there done that with my WW. Sent her flowers and other presents every second day for a week. Ended up having the totally opposite effect I was hoping for. She doesn't want to be made feel guilty right now and if A is over then hopefully she will come around. My WW is still chasing after OM even though he seems to be ignoring her and has moved home with his family. She says the same - marriage is over regardless of OM. But she also says she has no contact with him which is a lie as I know she has emailed him everyday this week and he never replied. So it seems to take a while before they come around.
Plan D June 08
Me FBS 36
W 38
Married 13/1/09
The best is yet to come, with or without your WS
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Your neediness is putting her off. She is being mean to you and you being nice to her makes you look pathetic in her eyes. She wants you to stop because being nice because she can't handle it.
You keep doing the same thing and it isn't working....That, in itself, should tell you that it isn't working and you need to try something different.
I'm not a WW, but a BW and I did the same type of things for my WH. It wasn't until I read up here and worked with Jennifer Chalmers that I realized that doing the same thing over and over that didn't work only made the situation worse. I know you want to be kind and have wonderful ideas. You just have to hold out. I know it is hard b/c you want to show your love, but hold back b/c it isn't working--for whatever reason... hugs...
Beth
Me - 29 BS
WH - 29
Married 4 years
No children
WH left, living @ parents, D-Day: 7-2-07
Affair since 9-06, still with OW
Couples counseling ended 8-31-07, haven't talked since
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Your desperation may make you look pathetic in her eyes. Act cool and don't be so dependent on her for feelings, friendship, etc.
Gifts for a cheater? How come you forgave her so fast? She was on top (or bottom) of another man while still married to you. Aren't you mad? Shouldn't she be the one who's supposed to be begging for forgiveness?
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best advisor...you are new here and it shows...perhaps you should do a little light reading on this site before offering your "BEST" advice. As evidenced by your words on another thread...you are quite clueless as to a WS or FWS begging for anything at this stage of the infidelity.
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" Act cool and don't be [color:"blue"] so [/color] dependent on her for feelings, friendship, etc."
This is the only part of my post that may be considered as "advice" and what's wrong with it?
The rest of my post consist mostly of questioning and not advice. mkeverydaycnt, next time, read carefully.
Last edited by BestAdvisor1; 10/18/07 08:10 PM.
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hey sh1t head...I can read just fine...the "Best" advice comment was in reference to your sign on. You don't know squat...yet you come here and start handing out advice as though you have a clue. You don't or you wouldn't have mentioned begging.
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On this thread, you earned the title BumAdvisor and have earned a special AWARD that is only awarded to very special people: BumAdvisor wins weekly award! <i...ns/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Bestadvisor1 - your commentary on the situation is where the problem lies. Gifts for a cheater? How come you forgave her so fast? She was on top (or bottom) of another man while still married to you. Aren't you mad? Shouldn't she be the one who's supposed to be begging for forgiveness? See that is a fantasy of someone who doesn't know what they are talking about.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Wow, there are a whole bunch of haters here!
mkeverydaycnt, my advice to you is calling me names doesn't make you superior.
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Who are you? Why did you come here today?
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Wow, there are a whole bunch of haters here!
mkeverydaycnt, my advice to you is calling me names doesn't make you superior. Is that very nice after I just gave you a special AWARD?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> sheeesh! BumAdvisor award <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You know Mel, as good as that award is, I really think BumAdvisor deserves an extra special additional award for all of the wonderful advice that he's given here...So here it is~~~> BumAdvisors Extra Special Additiona...ns/grin.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Wow, there are a whole bunch of haters here!
mkeverydaycnt, my advice to you is calling me names doesn't make you superior. haters CHECK OK. Now all we need is "bitter", "mean" and "judgemental" and we'll have a full house....
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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this is nothing more than a retread troll. changing names doesn't change their lack of utility to the board. sh1t head is an apt description of your BA...not an attempt to feel superior.
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You mean he/she has posted under another name? For shame.
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