My daughter is the one having the affair, she has been reaching out to H when she is feeling depressed and asking for forgiveness and telling him that she loves him. However, still in contact with OM. She can't forgive herself for this and so states her H can't forgive her even though he has said numerous times that he has and wants to make a plan for working on the M. They have been married 5 years and I just don't know how to help her see that in fact she can move forward and save her M.

Any advice for a Mom who really doesn't want to see her keep heading down the path of destruction. We have exposed the affair, everyone knows and we are not supporting her in anyway to continue this. She has moved out of the house but stops by to see H whenever she feels the need. He is in Plan A now, but last night again she said she just wants this over with and move on, he is loosing hope.

Thanks

Keep up the pressure, and don't give up on what you know is right for your daughter.

Understand that you won't be able to 'help her see' anything. There's no educating her at this point, but you know the things that you can do to keep up the pressure. Maintain your relationship with your SIL.. that will speak volumes to your DWD... maybe not right now.. and yeah, she'll probably resent you for it for a while, but you shouldn't back down from something you believe in, and neither should your SIL.

Exposing doesn't always end the affair immediately.. but it does take a lot of the shine off of it. Things won't happen overnight and if your DD is so entrenched, she may just have to hit bottom before she's ready to look up and see the light.

You've received some wonderful advice on these boards.. keep posting.. rant here if you need to.. don't berate or hit your daughter over the head with this.. she knows what she is doing isn't right.. she doesn't want to lose the marraige as much as she says she does, otherwise she wouldn't be playing these games with SIL.

Help him Plan A for as long as he feels he can.. and then quietly stand behind him when/if he needs to go to Plan B. He'll need your support, and believe me, he will value it more than you know.


My FIL and SIL don't support my WW's decision either.. her response however is to more or less cut them off. It's been 2 months, and she's -slowly- letting her sister back in.. So I suppose that I'm hopeful at least that the influence of her sister, and regaining that relationship with her might cause her to pause and consider the morality of her current situation. I don't think her sister will lie to her or support her decision, but I also don't think her sister will be the type to beat her over the head until she comes to her senses... FIL is already pulling back before he really even tried. Not sure what to make of that, but he's sending me emails telling me not to be hopeful, and to try to move on. I send him emails back telling him that I'm giving this to God, and waiting patiently for God to work in my wife's life.

It's a difficult time for everyone, but believe me, your SIL appreciates your support, and you standing behind a unified family more than you know. I know my FIL cares about me, and doesn't support her decision.. I think he's more afraid of the alienation by his daughter though.. and if you can get over that hump in the name of what is right for her and her family.. then you have a strength greater than you may even realize.

Try and keep this on one thread so everyone can follow. I'll post a reply on your other thread.

Well, I had sort of the same situation with my DD, only she was heading for a full-fledge affair with a MM until I called his wife.

You'd have thought WWIII broke out, but I held firm. She hated me and threatened to cut me out of my grandson's life, blah, blah, blah. I told her that she could hate me all she wanted, but I loved her too much to sit by and watch her become a ho. I also told her that her 13-yo son knows I love him and that he would come to see me when he turns 18.

She now treats me with more respect than she ever has, and we are closer than ever.

Hold firm to your convictions, while reassuring her of your love. Maek sure the OM knows that he will not ever be allowed in your home. Oh, and in case y'all have any money to potentially leave her, it might be a good idea to let it be known that everything will be tied up in a trust for your grandchildren. Kill off ANY notions that OM might have. Planting a seed in your DD's head that the OM might be more interested in her potential inheritance would be a good idea.

Your son-in-law should also expose OM at his work and at his church, if he attends church.

Good for you LC...

And Yesmydaugher you have earned a lot of respect and fans on this board by the way you have handled this....I wished you would have been my MIL I have no doubt that I would still be married. You do the right thing and let God take care of your D's attitude.

I don't know that it would not be a good idea to let the country boy husband exact a little country revenge on POS OM. Might deter his little fantasy of running away w/ your D. I would also write his parents and tell them just what sniveling cowards they are for enabling and condoning this idiots behavior.