Hi everyone,can some one please advise me on what to do with my self besides shooting myself.My wife and i have been seperated since Nov 98 due to our wishing to immigrate to the UK.We keep in touch by telephone on most sundays,My problem is that recently i have sensed that she has lost interest in me and i fear that she might have met with some one else.I dont want to insult her and ask outright if this is so.This has been affecting me so badly that i have even stooped so low as to read her emails(i found out her password)i have been born again in sept and what iam doing now is such a guilt trip for me but i cant seem to help myself and carry on reading her emails.All these mixed emotions are playing havoc with me .i dearly wish for some advice please.I believe<P>

First time on this site, so here we go...<BR>WOW -- did your situation hit home. I had suspected that my W was having an affair with OM, and set her internet service to automatically save old e-mails. You have to understand that after all the signs, I couldn't hold back anymore. I had to know for certain if something was going on.<BR>We'll I "stooped" to that level. The language, the phrases, the "miss you's" -- it was all there, shocking and real. <BR>Cut to the chase: you have to confront her on the issue. if you are left to "twist in the wind", you'll wither and die waiting and wondering what is going on. It'll hurt (alot), but dealing with the truth is the only honest way to rebuilding the relationship or evaluate if you can rebuild at all. Good luck, and hang in there!

First, welcome to both of you!!<P>Okay, Hopeatlast... the first thing you'll learn here is to TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. If you think she's cheating, she probably is. Two, the email thing. When you're trying to find out the truth, snooping is acceptable. After you've found out, it's up to you and she. Some will tell you that total honesty means that there are NO SECRETS, not even journals or email. I personally think that all's fair until you find the truth. Then you have to stop snooping or you get obsessed.<P>If you don't know... the little sunglasses by our names show our profiles. Read all you can here, and find those in your situation. <P>You will find lots of support here... <P> <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Thankyou for your responses,Do you think that when we meet again i should observe and see if the situation returns to normal and if it does should i rather not confront her,she is human after all and i was not there for her.Iam not saying that i would agree if she did have an affair.

Hi Hopeatlast -<P>I'd also like to say welcome to MB even though I am sorry for what you are going through....you will find help with advice and encouragement here.<P>I believe that honesty and openness are paramount to a relationship. There are, however, different ways to achieve this.<P>You did not say what the emails revealed (if anything) to you, so I am going on what you "felt" with your phone conversations to her.<P>If you felt distance coming between you, is there a reason why you did not say that you felt this way and ask her if something was wrong right then and there?<P>There are different ways to say things..you can "accuse" or be "defensive" in anticipation of her answers or you can "ask" out of the confusion that you truly feel.<P>At this point...I would suggest that whatever the holdup is for you all being together be expedited ASAP!!! This far apart for such a length of time wreaks havoc on a relationship...not just with your Wife but also your kids.<P>Try to get all of you together in whatever way possible....sometimes nothing matters more than your family!!<P>The confusion now componded by the guilt of snooping is a very bad combination of feelings to add to the loneliness you must be experiencing.<P>When you do talk with your Wife, tell her your fears...AS FEARS...from your previous conversations. See what she has to say and then proceed from there.<P>I would not rush in with emails and cheating, etc....<P>ASK....do not tell!!!!<P>Hope this helps some.<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba