Last week I had a suspicion that something was going on with my HB. At the weekend I looked in his phone and found a saved text message, it had not been sent but it was an explicit text. I confronted him and he confessed to having written it to someone else but did not send it. He said he had been texting an ex-workmate back and forth over the last 4 years but that it had been infrequent general 'how are you doing' text, until Thursday when she had text him the usual how are you then followed this by an explicit text he said he wrote the reply then thought 'what am I doing' and closed the phone. He said that for a minute of madness he thought about her in a different light and had been flattered by her suggestive text. He has apologised for the pain this is causing me and says he was stupid and regrets this more than anything he has ever done. he swears that he has never done anything like this before and that even when he worked with her he never thought of her as anything other than a friend. I knew the girl and knew she had a thing for him, but didn't think it was anything to worry about from his side. Now I don't know what to think, I am totally devastated, we have a 5 year old and I feel so betrayed. I am trying to get a perspective on it that he didn't send it and that it was a fleeting though that he thought better of. Up until this point we have been going fairly good, we have had times in the past where we have had to take stock of our relationship and step up the effort. I don't want to loose everything and split up or family but this is driving me mad. Am I over reacting? Should I put it down to male stupidity and try to forget it. I made him text her and tell her not to contact him again. He seems genuinely devastated with the whole turn of events too but I can't help thinking what if I hadn't found the text would he have continued a little sordid text affair. The girl lives on the other side of the world so there is no danger of a actual physical affair with her now. Help me get this in perspective, should we seek counselling for something like this or do I just need time to settle down. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Why did you look through his phone? Why were you suspicious that something was up?

I find it highly unlikely that you just happened to find the very first inappropriate communication between your H and this woman.

Do you believe him?

This is a lie. He had to have saved it in order to have it on his phone. If you text then shut the phone it is not saved. So at the very least he saved it for some reason. You need to talk to him about this. If you felt the need to check his phone you must have had some gut feeling something is going on. Check his phone records. This may have been just the start of something but you have to make sure your marriage is not slipping.

It is NOT nothing. He is spending energy and emotion and fantasy on another woman that by rights should be spent with and for you. It is easiest nipped in the bud, and you do that by exposing the affair to superiors in work. He will be mad; they always are. Standard. ANd you will suffer his anger and coldness and blame for a while.

You caught the tip of the iceberg. There IS more than you know; Read up on Plan A and How Affairs Should End.

Voice of Experience: D final 8/30/07.

Sounds similar to what I did:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;gonew=1#UNREAD

Hopefully you can find my posts usefull?

jaa
There is probably more, much more. Try to stay calm and start snooping.

If he is in deep, he will lie. Don't believe everything he tells you. Watch his actions.

Look at the link in my sig about spying.

I do not think you are overreacting. There is something going on here, that he is hiding.

How do you know this person is on the "other side of the world?" How/Why did he get in touch with her in the first place?

Those are the questions I would be asking - and yes - call a MC.

Richard