Well, apparently H and I are meeting next Sunday to finalize our divorce agreement. He has been very wishy-washy lately. When he dropped the kids off yesterday, he seemed really contemplative and a little edgy. He made a lot of comments about how it bothered him that I have made an effort to look so good now that he has moved out. He said that he wonders why I never did that when we were together. He basically says that he doesn't really want to be alone, he doesn't really want to be with someone either. He sounds simply, very confused and conflicted. I don't know what it would take for him to have the strength to leave OW and recommit to us, but it just ain't happening! He knows that the door has closed, but I hate to see him so emotionally confused. It is really too bad that he doesn't have the moral fortitude to have made the right choice. <P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<P>

Rachel, Why has the door closed. You sound like you still want him back. I know about the divorce but that doesn't have to close the door for good. You will still be able to dposit some love into the bank when he comes for the kids. Maybe thing will begin to sink in and he will figure out what he really wants. My prayers are with you.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hi Rachel: It's good to see you're still around and posting. I've been gone for a while, not posting much-justlurking. I'd like to know why the door is closed also. Your H sounds as if he's starting to snap out of it and he doesn't sound as angry and hostile as he did a couple months ago. Is this true? If so, his demeanor sounds like one of the natural stages of this awful process. <BR>In reference to why you look so good lately is simple. For many of us, IMHO, when we are with our spouses we often have so much to take care of i.e. the spouse, the kids, the job, the household chores, etc that it leaves little time for ourselves. When we are suddenly alone, we have more time for ourselves. We can concentrate on us instead of focusing on them and we start to take better care of ourselves. When my H left, I lost a few pounds, bought some clothes, had my nails done and had lost of time to paint my toenails too So what. I should have done these things all along and now that he's home, I still take the time for me that I did when he was gone, and he really appreciates it. Never mind he's put on 25 pounds and needs a haircut. Ugh.<BR>Anyway, if you still have love in your heart for your H, I hope you'll reconsider closing the door regardless of the divorce because he sounds confused and ambivalent and there may still be a chance. I hope so. Take care Rachel. Catnip

I really wish that I could leave the door open. But H has done this before several times over the last few months. The cycle always turns to him being angry and hostile again. I am not sure how long it would take for his "conflicts" to resolve to the point that he truly, and without question wants "us" again. I don't think it is fair to put myself through his constant mood changes. And even if he did recommit, my gut feeling is that it would be too difficult for him not to go back to her as soon as there was some conflict with us. The amount of damage that has been done is pretty severe. I think the chances of us resolving all the issues are pretty slim. But I am always open to suggestions. The divorce will be final in about 6 weeks, so I guess that is about how long the window is. <P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<P>