Here are some previous threads with my story:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=2#Post3318532

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=2#Post3320624

WS is requesting a "booty call" from me at lunch. He wants us to meet at my house for, well you know. I have been trying to fullfill his need for SF ever since he left the home, and now he finally said yes to sex!

he said 100% pure sex, no sentiment, no attachments.

What should I do???? Accept, refuse, what???

What plan are you in? Let your plan dictate your actions, not your WS.

This is a controversial topic here. There are lots who will say that the risks of disease and making yourself just an object are not worth any potential games, and others who wil say that meeting this EN is an important part of Plan A.

So this is a decision that you have to make for yourself, taking everything in to consideration.

Can you have "100% pure sex with no sentiment or attachments"? How are you going to feel about yourself afterwards? Did you discuss this part of the plan with Jennifer when you talked to her?

I'd ask...what do YOU want out of this???

Are you comfortable with "being with" him in this perspective?

If so, and you're also doing it to meet his EN's for SF...then go ahead, but you need to make sure that you're 'safe'...because if he has been with OW, then you know that he's NOT "safe". Condoms, etc...are all in order. He may not like that, but its a harsh reality that's a part of the current situation.

If you're NOT comfortable with this...then don't do it. Don't EVER let someone pressure you into something that YOU aren't comfortable with doing. Meet his OTHER EN's for now...let that one be until it meets BOTH yours AND his EN's at the same time.

Just my thoughts.

Tell the idiot to find a 'helping hand' to his problem or need for SF. I personally think this is a slap in the face to you and that he will disrespect you more afterwards.

I would say, Dearest WH, I am flattered that you want to meet me at lunch. I would love to meet your needs, all of your needs, in a loving relationship and recovered marriage. I cannot and will not in good conscience do so while you are having an affair with another woman. I will not be a plaything for you to use and discard. I hope you will at some point allow me to be the wife I know I can be to you. That starts by ending your affair. Have a great day. Love,

No I didn't discuss this with Jennifer, but this is WS #1 EN and I am still in plan A. He has been refusing me meeting all his ENs, this is the first time he has opened up to me as far as fulfilling his needs. I feel that if I have any chance at reconciling, this is probably the first step. Making this good will also help with his #2 need of admiration... if i make him feel good about himself in the sack, i'm hoping i will be helping that EN too.

So, anyways, I did go. It was fantastic. No reconciliation, but at least he was affectionate. He even kissed me, something he swore he wouldn't do. I feel like I'm finally making some progress. Baby steps.

It helped ME too. He wanted me to enjoy myself, and I did. And I don't feel used. It helped make me feel like a woman and attractive, so I guess that's a good thing. He said it was the best "sex" he had had in his whole life. That's got to mean something. He also commented on how great I looked.

I did consider not going, but considering I'm trying my darndest to meet EN, I just had too.

So, right now, I don't feel as if it's a mistake... let's hope I still feel that way in a couple of days.

Basically he wants sex but doesn't want to pay for it then.

I thought you were suspicous that he might be involved with another MAN few days ago and now this? Do you know what you're getting yourself into?

Absolutely disgusting in all respects. Your H is a pig...and you have enabled his behavior. No strings, no sentiment sex witha cheating WH...now that is always a smart move.
I am with Hopeandpray and Maninmotion on this one. tell him to buy a frigging blow up doll.
What happens to peoples self esteem that they lower themselves so far to let their bodies be used as an amusement ride in order to meet some pos needs?

The only person who mentionned the possibility of a man was the PI. That was the only thing that made me suspicious... I had NEVER thought of it before.

The OW I thought hasn't been with him. The kids spent the day with him yesterday and would've told me if she were around. She had a wedding on Saturday out of town anyways.

I've been thinking that he's hiding something else than an affair. He's a compulsive spender and he has gambled in the past. I knew he was playing poker online (and IRL too) for the past few months. I wonder if he got himself over his head and that's what he's trying to hide.

Anyways, when you point that male thing out, it does make me look pretty stupid and irresponsible, doesn't it???

You made this post 50 MINUTES before your booty call post! WOW is all I can say. WOW.

OK, i've had diverse opinions...

Now, I have to ask, how am I supposed to reconcile with someone and NOT meet their ENs???

Maybe i'm just so desperate that I don't know what in the heck to do anymore.

well, if his need was for you to have sex with 10 men would you do it?
you meet needs that are respectful and not having you act in a way that would mimick what he would get from a hooker.
YOUR WH calling you up and saying he wants a F and nothing more...is about the most disrespectful thing that he could do.

I'm afraid I have to agree with the others. The fact that he insisted "no strings attached" tells you exactly where his heart is. But then again, SAYING no strings attached is easier said than done because anytime two people have sex there is a soul tie created or made stronger. You already have that tie with your husband and I don't care what he said there were and are strings attached.

FYI-- I did the same thing when my FWH wanted me. It was very very risky and only made me more sad. He did come home eventually but it wasn't because I was there at his beck and call. In fact, it wasn't until I finally started to pull away and leave it in God's hands that he started coming around.

Thanks princessmeggy. It helps to know i'm not the only one who has done something like this before. You know where I'm coming from.

H knows that there was sentiment from my side. I felt sentiment from his side too... I felt it. I just know it. A gut instinct, you know?

I've been toying with the idea of pulling away also... Maybe now's my time to bow out, since he did say it was the best it had ever been for him. At least, that EN would cease on a good note.

mbm69 - by having personal Standards and Boundaries. It really is that simple. And, yes, you "gave in" because of desperation.

Just remember that "physical satisfaction" is fleeting and if that's all you or he wants, you don't need to be married.

Given his statement and the somewhat vulgar reference to Making Love with his wife as a "Booty Call," I don't think I'd classify the experience as "making love." It seems to be more akin to sex for personal benefit, at your loss of "value" as a wife, reducing you to a "thing" at best.

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Lord what is it with all the people wanting to chew others heads off today....Like our mothers told us is you can't saying anything nice don't say anything at all. MEDC does make a good point...be it tactful or not....basically what he is saying is don't be a doormat and don't be used....Sometimes people are a litte too rough but I understand where he comes from....as for telling valuable members to stop posting....thats not your right...he might not word things the way you like to read them....but think about the meaning and not how it's worded.

As for getting a booty call....I know the situation is hard...but I kind of have to laugh and say if he is being a jerk and just getting his rocks off....hey girl at least you got some....

Chris...you are too funny...hide behind your key board and make comments like that. My email is attached to my account Chris...feel free to email me off board.

MEDC - it's ok, i think sometimes being blunt may be the only way to knock some sense into people.

I think you guys are all right. It was obvious lack of judgement from a woman who is still very vulnerable right now. I was used as an object, I admit, but at least I got something out of it and used him as well.

For an hour, I felt like a woman, and not the full time mother of 2 kids with a full time job that has trouble doing it all right now. It was a moment when I felt desirable, attractive... I felt just for that it was worth it.

Oh, and I got his cell phone records today. There were absolutely no unknown numbers on his cell phone. 99% of the phone calls he made or received are from me. The other 1% are his parents, my parents and the OW one single time... and I was with him when he called. Those are the cell phone records for the last 3 months.

If an A is going on, there is no proof on his cell phone.