I wonder if anyone can help with this but in its usual rollercoaster fashion my 'recovery' has taken a new turn and for some reason left me with what I and my doctor believe are probably anxiety attacks. In thier worse form they leave me totally exhausted both mentally and physically and they can even happen at night!

My doctor examined me and could find nothing physically wrong but has sent me for blood tests none the less. I am certain its anxiety as they are made worse by thoughts about the A my wife had.

Anyone had any experiences of this? They are happening about two or three times a week now and are not pleasant to have.

It has only been three months since D day but I feel worse now than ever and that was just days after writing how well I thought I was recovering!

I wanted to avoid medication because of the stigma attached and possible implications for my job, financial status etc but if there is something that will work with no side effects then please tell me.

Well I can sympothise(sp) with anxierty attacks(panic attacks) as I suffered for a number of years with them. Managed to find a way to function in spite of them, but it is horrific, none the less.

Had managed a way to put them out of my life for a long while, until 3 days after DDay. They came back with the roar of a lion, but thank God, have once again been released.

So now you're wondering how I did that right? The answer will be taken by some as ridiculous, and others, not so. My answer was PRAYER! I latched on to the Blessed Virgin and would simply say the Hail Mary anytime I felt an attack welling up in me. The Holy Mother is an intercessor to God for us all.

You're going to get a lot of mixed answers here from all different kind of folks. But, for what it's worth, that was my answer. And it continues to work well for me to this day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

All blessings,
Jerry

OTOH,
You can go out and be prescribed an ANTI-D for this which most will claim, will take care of the problem for you. This, of course, is your choice.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Are you working on the marriage or divorcing?

I had major anxiety attacks. Middle of the night, etc. My life as I believed it to be was blown apart on D-day. As I piece it back together I inevitably categorize the parts as truth or lies. Most pieces remain lies. This realization about the past added to the unknown future lead to major anxiety. I can’t change the past so I emphasize the present.
I am 4 months into this and I am still anxious. If you are like me, you need verification that you WS wants to work on your M and has bought into NC with the OP. I set boundaries, and am using technology for verification. It is sad to do this, but my anxiety is greatly diminished when I can verify NC at the end of each day or week. As trust rebuilds, my anxiety is lessened.

Does something trigger the anxiety attacks?

When I first started having them I was focusing on the EA and worried IF WH was going to change, what I was going to, and not having answers as to why,etc.

Once I got some answers and I started piecing the puzzle together they lessened. Once I started focusing on my issues and how I could improve my M they lessened. Once I realized I had choices and options they lessened. Once I recognized WH's trying (even the smallest change) they lessened.

As long as my focus is on my expectations and what I can and cannot accept I felt better. However, if I'm in a high stress situation they come right back. Deep breathing helps, recognize when the attacks are starting, refocus, and PRAY.

Very common. The ones I had were only when I had to have contact with OW. My DR. gave be a beta blocker to stop my heart from racing. I could take it an hour before I was going to have to see her, kept me from feeling like I could rip her hair out.

They do get better.

FTS

Thanks for the replies.

I think my trouble is that I never had all the facts (and still havent really). Oh yes I get told 'you know everything, there isnt anything else' yet new facts slip out which in turn expose new lies and the thing never really has an end.

The hardest,simplest inescapable fact is that someone else managed to attract my wife away from me. She chose that person over me. Despite all we had, all her guilt at with her feelings for him it still happened and I suppose thats the hardest bit for me. Simply that it happened.

The second hardest thing is that I did not confront OM and instead thought of my job, my family etc and concentrated instead on putting it all back together I did the right thing only it doesnt fell like it.

I feel like I should have gone up to the bar and sorted it out there and then but I am not a fighter and so instead I imagine his boasts, him laughing about it all and feeling more confident because of what he was able to do to my wife and yet I am left with a wrecked life and anxiety attacks.

Just another lot of sand kicked in my face and It just doesnt seemm fair.

jet2112 it's NOT fair. Hurts like he$$!
You know Plan A is also about examining yourself, focusing on you. Darn I can't remember the thread that explains it. It really helped me. I'll try and look for it later and post it for you. Right now you are still going thru the 'grieving' process, sometimes it takes longer for some than others. But there are certain (feelings) steps you go thru.

Just know you aren't alone and ALOT of us have/had anxiety attacks. Keep the faith!!!! Practice the deep breathing exercises they do help some, and try to not to focus on the A and your WF's disloyality so much...I know easier said than done.

Your head and heart will clear eventually. Keep reading here, we'll help all we can.

(((jet2112 )))

Thanks.

I just cant believe I am still feeling this way after nearly 4 months! I am also so mad because it has affected the whole family. I actually feel sorry for my wife as well, I know she feels guilty and I also know that this whole situation ended months ago -it only lives on in our minds so I end up doing the damage on the days when I simply cannot stop myself from talking about it.

I dont want to let OM get away with this yet as more weeks go by so revenge seems ever more pointless.

I still remember him and his friend grinning to each other and driving off when I caught my wife in the van. I had no idea at the time and he knew it.

My wife has been hurt by this, my kids have been in tears over this and only a BS can know how I have felt yet OM has got away with this completely unscathed.

Jet - Anxiety attacks are horrible, but are a normal reaction of the body to the fight or flight response. You can get rid of them by doing relaxation exercises daily. Just take 20 minutes listening to music, and tense, then relax all the parts of your body starting with your toes. It is surprising how easily it works.

I know men think it would be much more satisfying to have a fist fight and knock the OM senseless, but you are doing the right thing for your family by refraining from drama.

You also need to spend 15 hours a week with your wife doing fun things together. The recipe of her going out to a bar without you was a HUGE mistake. As you start spending more fun hours together, the anxiety will ease.

Jet I hope you are starting to feel less anxious.

I hope you are starting to understand that revenge in whatever form to the OM would do you NO good. Go to a gym do a little boxing get your frustrations out there. I personally did target shooting...VERY good diversion and I could "dream" what/whoever I wanted on the target and never say a word.

Take care.

I remember that Jet * shudder*

Cipramil didn't suit me, so I just upped my regular exercise regime.

I got buff and dealt with my stress at the same time. No guarantees mate, but it worked for me.

You mention med will impact your work. I rather take the med than having an attack in the middle of driving my car w/ my kids in it. Medication is only temporary relieves, it might be just what you need but judging the length of the symptom (4 months), you need talk tx. Find local therapist to help you out. There are many works out sliding scale or even free resources.

redhat

Exercise was my greatest salvation. I went out and bought the toughest weight lifting tape I could find and just threw myself into exercise. It helped tremendously, put me in the best shape of my life and got me into a lifelong habit of working out. I still work out 3-4 times a week and have a home gym now.

Where are you Jet? How are things going?

I'd also recommend researching every angle of your situation. I found it extremely helpful to learn all I could about the dynamics of the affair and any other issues specific to your situation.

I suffered from great anxiety over the summer in the wake of discovery of the affair. I found becoming knowledgeable about the situation very empowering. It is also very helpful in responding appropriately to the situation.