I wasn't divorced but a month when I started spending alot of time with an old friend that I grew up with. The spark was always there between us but we had never had the opportunity to take it to the next level. We immediately started dating. It was very hard on me b/c of my divorce so for the 1st 8 months or so we took it very slow. I couldn't help but fall in love with him. He was becoming my best friend and filling so many of my missing needs. Now we have been living together since March and things kept getting better and better. I had never been so happy until a couple of months ago I started getting cold feet. I don't understand it. I know that there are other fish in the sea and I didn't date, spend too much time alone, and all that but, geeze. I don't like feeling this way. But I don't want to leave him, I love him. How do I fix this feeling? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

What do you mean by "cold feet"? Is it the desire to be alone, with someone else, that he change in some way, or what?

Yeah you need to define this. Do you want to like "sow your oats" and date around and party.

I know a ton of women who have gotten divorced and they party like coked out rockstars for the first few months after it. It is kinda disgusting and I have learned to avoid them in that phase (many are kinda umm, loose during this period) but it goes away, and then they are ready to settle down again.

Oher thing to remember hun is that the grass is always greener on the other side, but just as hard to mow.

Single life aint all that. Trust me.

By cold feet I mean, I am thinking about the future. My clock is ticking and I would like to have children soon but even after seeing this guy for this long I am still not sure if I want to get married again. Sometimes I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I did party after my divorce and live it up. I learned alot about myself. Like I said b4 the 1st 8 months we took things slow. I spent alot of time with my friends and such. I don't want to sow my oats or see other people. I just get so scared that I am going to wind up unhappy again like I did in my marriage.

Well, it sounds like you did not spend enough time alone before getting back into dating. That usually leads to the fear of being dumped or unhappy again, because you have not had the time to be strong enough to know that you'll be fine no matter what happens - and that gives you the ability to date out of confidence rather than out of neediness or loneliness.

How about just going with it one day at a time and seeing where it goes, instead of worrying about the "what if"?

AGG

That is what everyone keeps saying. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And its also how I feel...its just getting hard when I am getting older and I am having all these doubts. It wakes me up at night and everything. Ugh. I got like this in my marriage too. I think I just need to chill out. Thanks for the advice.

You may be able to chalk this up to being a 'rebound relationship'.

Truer words were never spoken. I had to learn this one the hard way - but after some good quality alone time, I finally understood what people had told me.

I'm OK. I'm strong. I'm independent. I don't "need" somebody. If I *want* somebody, or choose to be with somebody, that's another story.

I am finally in what I believe to be a healthy relationship - and it's way better than anything I've ever experienced before. Because I don't feel needy, clingy or desperate and neither does he.

You need to figure that out for YOU. That YOU are OK. You're individual, you're strong and you don't *need* another person. Once you're ok on your own, you're in a better emotional place to *be* a good partner, as well as to recognize whether the one you're with is a good partner too.

It's kind of ironic really - you have to be OK alone in order to be the best partner you can be... but it's absolutely true.

JinGA

i don't agree with any set time of having to wait or having to "date" X number of people before getting serious with someone. but it after 14 months? you are getting cold feet, well maybe listen to yourself. perhaps moving in together sped things up too fast for you.

later you said after the divorce you lived it up for awhile... which one is right