I have posted a few things here lately but I found out my H has been having an affair almost 9 weeks ago. He left for 3 days and came back saying he was working on us and didn't want to be with OW. Came home early today and founf him on phone talking to her and he said he never really stopped and that he wanted to be with her more than he did me and he left. Kept telling me that he loved me as a person but our marriage is dead and he was only coming home because it was the right thing to do. Now I'm left wondering what the heck to do. Does he really think it will work out with the OW? Do they ever wake up and finally see that they royally screwed up? I'm so lost because he made these decisions and never once thought of my feelings and my sister(age 10 - we are reaising her) feelings. He says he'd rather be with her but he didn't want to leave us because he didn't want me to be hurt. Is this still fog talk or is this the real deal?

FOG

Have you exposed his affair? Hope is not a plan - what have you actually DONE?

everyone knows. the OW is single. He said he knew he was going to lose some blood family over this but he felt that strongly about her. This isn't fog talk is it? He yold me that he was just telling me what I wanted to hear so I'd get off his back and he wasn just going to continue at home and still see her as long as he could. What do I do now?

littlebit--

Be strong.


In a way, I think it is. I don't think he's looking far enough down the road to see the lack of future his relationship with the OW has.

You said "everyone knows" -- does the OW's family (mom/dad/brothers/sisters) know? Is the OW prepared to "lose some blood family" over this?

How are your friends (of both you and your husband) reacting? Are they trying to stay neutral? If so, they're not really great friends, in my opinion.

Enlist all support you can to apply some pressure to him to stop acting like a selfish child and drop the OW.

You need to decide if you want this marriage. Seriously. You need to make a choice. One of the biggest mistakes I made after my wife's first affair was NOT giving divorce a serious and deserved consideration. I knee-jerked the "I'll fight for my marriage" response and allowed my wife to sail along until her second affair. We're still struggling, but the second/third time around, I gave divorce a more serious consideration.

Since you're raising your sister, it is more complicated. If it was just you and your husband and no children, I think divorce and recovery are 50/50, especially since your other posts mentioned he was unfaithful to you before your marriage.

But, you and your sister can survive without him. The choice is yours.

If you decide to fight for recovery and your marriage, you need to read up on Plan A -- plan now for a strong and dark Plan B. There are many on here who can help you prepare for a Plan B.

Be open and honest with your sister and family. Keep open dialog with his family if they support you and your marriage. Encourage them not to coddle or accept his behavior.

Be strong.


Blessings.