Hi Everyone, I need your advice. My husband and I have been separated for 2 years. (To get more information about my situation, you can read my post in Divorced/Divorcing) I know for a fact that he is with who once was his ex-girlfriend and their child. He came by the house to visit me on last night. He wanted to have sex. I did not want to have sex with him because I do not enjoy it. I no longer desire my husband like I once did. This man left me on our wedding day to spend time with his girlfriend. I really don't want him coming to visit me but I don't know how to keep him away. I have not seen him in about 2 months. Anyway, he wanted sex and I gave him what he wanted. However, I did not feel right after I had sex with him.I feel more like his girlfriend than his wife. He lives with her and visits me. It's more like we are dating. I do not have the deep love that I once had for my husband. I do not get satisfaction from having sex with him. After we have sex I feel dirty, more like I've been raped. It is just this creepy feeling that I get. I don't know how to explain it. I have been thinking about divorcing him because I can not go on living like this. He feels like a stranger. I can't communicate with him freely. I just don't feel that bond. What should I do? Should I give him sex just because he want it? Or should I just tell him no? Which he do not accept the word "NO" from me. He feels that I am direspecting him as my husband. I feel so trapped and in bondage. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks

Absolutely DO NOT give him sex just because he wants it. I've read your other threads - you need to get this guy out of your life. He is not a husband. He's just using you. Just because you are married does not give him the right to expect sex anytime he wants it. If you say no and he does it anyway, it is still rape, regardless of your marital status. You are not disrespecting him for saying NO. He is disrespecting you by forcing himself on you despite it.

I had similar problems with my first XH (not the OW but him coming back and wanting things like sex). It was really hard - I wanted to leave him, I wanted a D, but he had some kind of emotional hold on me and I found it impossible to say no when he did show up. I actually ran away - temporarily. I hopped on a plane with just the clothes on my back and went half way across the country to stay with an aunt for a while. It sounds cowardly (and it is), but it was the only choice I seemed to have at the time. To this day, I'm glad I did it. Do you have anyone you can stay with that is out of his reach? Even for a short time while you initiate the divorce process?