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Post deleted by tally7


"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day, and may their arms be too short to scratch."
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An ultimatum to do what, exactly?

You serious want to MARRY somebody that would put his hands around your throat and push you to the ground? If a man EVER put his hands around my neck and pushed me to the ground I would (after having him arrested) walk away and never look back...I don't care if it was my fiance or my husband of 10 years...there is NO excuse for violence. This is how it starts, dear. You NEED to WALK AWAY and never look back.


Me - BW/FWW
Him - FWH/BH
Still figuring it all out - but we're figuring it out TOGETHER <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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I guess I was just looking for someone who can relate and someone to talk to . I guess no ultimatum will or should be implemented. I just wanted someone who maybe could relate to the feelings of dispair that I am having being that I was so close to marriage with him.


"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day, and may their arms be too short to scratch."
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I completely understand the despair of finding out that the person you fell in love with has changed and is not the same person he used to be. How long have you known him? How did you meet? How long have you been together? How long have you been engaged? Have you always lived in different towns?

Honestly, it sounds like he's either getting cold feet or he's got something to hide and is getting scared as the date grows closer. Big red flags, in my opinion.

It's not easy to make a decision to leave somebody, it never is. But it's much better to take an honest look at your relationship BEFORE a marriage than after.


Me - BW/FWW
Him - FWH/BH
Still figuring it all out - but we're figuring it out TOGETHER <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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DO NOT Marry this man!!! If he has put his hands around your neck and pushed you to the ground---already, during an argument--My God- just imagine the horrors you WILL have to endure if you actually marry and move in with this man!! YOUR LIFE is far more precious and valuable than any reltionship with an abusive man!!!! BELIEVE me- I know- I SAW the signs- everyone else did too- and TRIED to tell me--yet I went thru with it and spent 8 LONG YEARS in Living torment at the hands of a man whom everyone HE knew thought was a fine- upstanding christian man!!!! My family saw it- but I refused- not only did I suffer- but so did did my children! We have since been divorced for almost 3 years- and it is AMAZING what I see, now, too. Don't do it, for your life's sake- run, run like the wind- and do it now!!! God be with you....


-not just 4myself anymore... for BOTH of us ...we survive together, or not at all....
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We have been together for a year and a half and been engaged for 9 months. We have always live in separate towns and he used to drive here at least 3 times a week and now it is down to none. He makes excuses as to why he can't come.


"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day, and may their arms be too short to scratch."
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Quote
DO NOT Marry this man!!! If he has put his hands around your neck and pushed you to the ground---already, during an argument--My God- just imagine the horrors you WILL have to endure if you actually marry and move in with this man!! YOUR LIFE is far more precious and valuable than any reltionship with an abusive man!!!! BELIEVE me- I know- I SAW the signs- everyone else did too- and TRIED to tell me--yet I went thru with it and spent 8 LONG YEARS in Living torment at the hands of a man whom everyone HE knew thought was a fine- upstanding christian man!!!! My family saw it- but I refused- not only did I suffer- but so did did my children! We have since been divorced for almost 3 years- and it is AMAZING what I see, now, too. Don't do it, for your life's sake- run, run like the wind- and do it now!!! God be with you....

If you don't mind me asking, how did the abuse begin with you? did he also curse you and destroy your stuff in fits of rage?


"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day, and may their arms be too short to scratch."
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Tally, if this man is cursing at you and destroying your stuff in "fits of rage" then he needs HELP! YOU cannot help this man...but you can be thankful that you have not yet married him.

Seriously, you have not received a single reply (from any of your FOUR threads) that indicates that there is any hope in this situation. You MUST get away from this person and count your blessings that you survived.

Cancel the wedding. End the relationship. NOW. Before it's too late for you to make a choice.

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I did end the relationship yesterday and I am now trying to deal with the hurt feeling that I have inside due to the lies that he told me. He said he would never hurt me and he would never do anything to cause me despair because i was the center of his world, his life, his love, and so on...I deal with the empty feeling inside and the infamous question, "What did I do wrong" "How could I have changed"


"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day, and may their arms be too short to scratch."
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Sometimes it's really NOT you!! This man has issues. Yes, you may need to get into counseling to help you understand how you allowed yourself to get involved with somebody like this, but you didn't DO anything to make him act this way. It is his behavior and his alone to own.

As I said before, count your blessings that you didn't marry this man.

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4myself,

Thank you for sharing your personal experience. How did you get through the time of blaming yourself. Mine has told me that it me who "has made him this way." Have you heard the same comments? How do you break away from blaming yourself/


"May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day, and may their arms be too short to scratch."
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Tally, you should consider individual counselling. Guys like this say these things to justify their own behavior to themselves. That is why they continue to be the complete monsters that they are - they do not have to take responsibility for anything they do because they will always find a way to blame someone else. They are creeps. You are so lucky to have found out BEFORE you married him.

It's hard not to blame yourself, especially if you have low self esteem issues which you probably do. Find a good counsellor and seek treatment for yourself. A good counsellor will put you on the right track to developing your self esteem and easing your feelings of guilt over this.


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