This week at church the pastor discussed the parable of the prodigal son. I was interested because I've read here that someone (Smalley?) recommends treating the returning spouse as the father treated the prodigal son -- welcoming with open arms.<P>One of the interesting points that the pastor made was how the father reacts at the beginning of the parable when the son asks him to give him his inheritance. According to jewish custom of the time, this would be a great insult. The son would likely have been severely beaten and cast out from the family. But this father instead divides his property between his sons and the younger son leaves and squanders his share. <P>It struck me that in reacting this way, the father makes the son's return to the family possible. If he had punished and exiled his son, the son would have been lost to him forever. <P>How many of us treat our wayward spouses when they leave with the love and acceptance that the father gave the son? <P>I like to think that I can accept my husband back with open arms (if I ever get the chance). But I didn't accept his leaving very well. And I struggle constantly with the desire to punish and exile him for his actions. <P>Just some food for thought....<P>P.S. Luke 11 (I think) for those who aren't up on their parables!

This is my favorite parable...<BR>I often think of it in terms of my situtation.<P>My wife filed for divorce... prodigal daughter<BR>Asked for/got $10K (1/2 of home equity)... inheritance!<BR>Is now squandering the money... OM moved in to mooch!<P>Now I wait for her to come to her senses... famine!<P>I've told my kids... when mom comes home... boy are we going to celebrate! I'll be getting the fatted calf ready!<P>It is tough being the "father" in this parable... but I have my "father" above by my side.<P>Jim<P>---------<P>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

I'm thinking about this. We just had this sermon a couple of weeks ago...nothing about marriage, though...never thought of it like that.<P>My initial thoughts are when the father gave him his inheritance and he went on his way, did the father wait for him to return...or was just pleasantly surprised when he did? Did the dividing up the assets imply the relationship was over..at least for the time while he was gone?<P>Also the son experienced hardship and came back with a contrite heart, expecting nothing. If he came back with his hand out would the response have been the same?<P>I'll think some more.<P><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

I've thought on this parable a lot. Especially where the son eats with the pigs rather than going home. My H is sleeping in his office on a couch...rather than in a warm bed with me.<P>FHL brings up a good point, is it the father's forgiveness, the son's contriteness or is it the balance that makes the homecoming possible?<BR> <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

Another thought...by letting the son go, the father didn't dole out any punishment himself, but he freed his son to experience the natural consequences of his actions, which eventually made it possible for the son to come back with a contrite heart.<P>So is this a little bit of a tough love story after all?<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Maybe that is what plan A and B are. Plan A is the love and acceptance the father gave the son. Plan B is the letting go and waiting for his return. I am sure the father would have tried to talk the son out of his wanting his inheritance and leaving. That would be how all of us responded to the affair. But when we put plan B into force it would be like the father dividing the money and giving it to the son. When plan B goes into affect that would be like the father letting the son go. While we are in plan B we are waiting but also going on with life and that would be what the father. He would hope and wait, but go on with life. And like the father I know when H comes back I will welcome him back with open arms.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Animac & all,<P>Excellent thoughts here.<P>I have never looked at that parable in the light with our spouses. Very good! I will remember it always in another light now. Thanks so very much.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

If I didn't know better, I'd think we were all sitting in church together. Our pastor approached this parable from a different slant - the behavior of the brother. I'm 4 mos. since discovery and my H is working really hard but I'm afraid I feel a bit like the brother. I'm struggling with forgiveness and think about the "fun" the prodigal got to have and the fact that now all is supposed to be erased now that he is home. The prodigal's brother is pretty pissed off and the father chastises him for not being forgiving.<P>Let's all keep going on Sundays and sharing any thoughts that pop up accordingly. To err is human, to forgive divine.....

It would be interesting if the parable would go on past the celebration and the brother's unforgiving heart.<P>Even though the father welcomed him back and celebrated and obviously was bestowing unconditional love, do you think he would have divided his estate in half again for the son?<P>I don't think so. I think the "sin" was forgiven and erased from judgment, but not sure all ramifications of his indescretion would be automatically erased.<P>Not sure how that would relate to marriage, either.<P>I think the forgiveness thing is an important lesson, because a hardened heart is not good for the unforgiving person. In other words forgiveness is as much for the forgiver as for the forgiven.<P><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your thoughts on this! I think the question of whether the son's contriteness made a difference is important. It is so much easier to be generous to one who expects little than to one who expects much.