i am starting a new thread because i am not sure how to change the title of my eharmony one and since i am not dating or doing eharmony it is kind of time to kill that thread.

i did a thread like this one before where i just kind of checked in every day and said what was up and how things are going. so that is what i would like to do again. it is always nice to hear from you guys (yes, even you agg and wifty. i don't always agree with you, but i like to hear from you just the same) ;-)

i do feel like i am finally healing. i am thinking about gekko less and less these days. there has been no communication between us, no emails or calls. the only time he usually pops in my head is when i have a dream about him which i have done probably 2 or 3 times this week. so i guess my subconscious is still working on letting go. do i still think it sucks? yes i do. but i can't make him be what he is not and i think i have finally come to that conclusion.

job is very busy and going very well. and i am still plugging away at the 18 credits i am taking this term for college. i am debating moving to the next town over where my family lives since i work over that way anyway and there is more to do there. plus, i feel like it is time for a fresh start all the way around and i would like to get out from under neath this mortgage payment. i am looking at a house to rent over there today. we shall see.... i'll talk more about that another time.

still working on me. my eating has not been the greatest during this mess and though i am down a total of 45 pounds i am at a stand still. i am back to doing a great program i was on before that also included working on the self esteem and mind, body, and spirit. it is a 9 week workbook actually. and i have ordered some new exercise dvds and weights. i am getting my hair done on saturday and buying a tanning package as well. this white girl needs some color! just some pick me ups to pick me up!

gotta run, i have a very long work day today, probably won't be home until close to 8.

mlhb

Good morning mlhb.

I sorta kinda do the same thing - I have a thread on GQII (started it here but it kinda died so I moved it to GQII at another's request) and I kind of "blog" what's going on with me from day to day. Sometimes I post daily - I just came back after a week's absence because I got hellabusy... but it's neat to go back and read where I was at during an earlier time, and see how I'm moving forward <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like you're getting it together and focusing on yourself for a bit. That's a good thing. Sometimes that sort of thing can occupy most of our time!

JinGA

45 lbs? Is there anything left of you?
Wow, if I lost 45 lbs, I might be a size 4.

unfortunately there still is lots left of me LOL

i gained a lot of weight during the last few years of my marriage due to just giving up emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. i did not care anymore. it took me awhile to care again. then i quit smoking and embarked on the weight loss and being the best "me" mission. i lost a bit of that mission when i was struggling with the gekko summer drama, but i am back on focus now.

mlhb

i just had to share this... it came in my email today. and it is so true.
mlhb



There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.
She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.
She told her boyfriend, "I f I could only see the world, I will marry you."
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
He asked her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'
The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.
Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'
This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.
Only a very few remember what life was like before, and wh o was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word -
Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion..
Today before you complain about life -
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
Before you complain about your children -
Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep -
Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive -
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job -
Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -
Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one MAKER.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and thank GOD you're alive and still around.

well, it is finally saturday and i know i have had a very long week. between work and college my butt is kicked! oh, and kids too. good thing i have put dating on hold (although my boss very jokingly said she is going to keep her eyes open for any good catches) because i do not know where i would fit it in!

i still have my moments sometimes where i wonder what gekko is doing or who he is dating, but they are fleeting at best. and i do miss talking to and hearing about his daughter. she is awfully cute :-) but time is healing me. the no contact is healing me. that was a very hard one to do. blocking email addresses and taking his number out of my phone was very hard (and doesn't really matter since i had his number memorized and still do, but at least i do not dial it).

i am planning out my day and later i am getting my hair done. yesterday i had an amazing facial. it was over an hour long with a massage. she used all natural products and it was awesome!i am going to schedule myself for a full body massage and scrub soon.

lots of homework to do, and cleaning, and my son has his last football game tomorrow. we get no breaks either as next week starts hockey.

have a good weekend everyone. i am sure i will check in when i have time.

mlhb

had a busy weekend... football game on sunday an hour and a half away. my parents went with me. kids were with their dad. went to lunch with my parents, my treat. it is nice to be back on my feet financially again. i am actually building up a savings and have a nice amount of disposable income now. gee, i actually could have much more easily afforded the ldr now... oh well! speaking of which, i had a dream about gekko and his daughter last night. i still do that about once a week and i really wish it would stop. i am in a good place and am healing nicely finally. so i really wish i would not have these dreams. damn evil reminders that they are! they are not bad dreams, just dreams. but except for the dreams, i rarely think about him anymore. i keep myself busy enough not to.

work is busy, lots of paperwork. and college is now kicking my [censored]. lots of work, so much so that my brain is about now mush.

football is finally over for my son so now we can start going back to church again. i have missed singing in church and working with the teens sunday school. it will be good to be back (all of my son's games were on sundays during church time. i don't know why they do that!_)

anyway, i am beat.. just wanted to check in.

off to bed... zzzzzzz....

mlhb

Wow you sound like you are doing great... good for you..... !!! And as for the dreaming I still have dreams about the ex unfortunately dreams are the one thing that we cannot control...... oh well - they will pass and maybe you will start dreaming about someone new.... haha...

i am doing pretty well. still trying to come up with some sort of daily organization as i have a lot to juggle with work, school, and kids. as i said, it is a good thing i am not looking to date anymore as i don't know where i would fit it in!

as far as the dreams... they are not bad dreams, they just make me have a feeling of missing him and remembering when i wake up. then i had a dream that i was pregnant! wtf! lol no father around, just me pregnant. then i had another dream that my ex and i got back together. again, wtf! that was a nightmare. lol

i dunno, things may have been different if i had lived down there. but i don't and that's the problem. there again though, regardless of where i live, he needed his alone time. and i imagine he is getting that now. and that is good, i hope he is healing and getting to better places because of it.

well, my black lab is very needy now that the other dog has been put down.. poor lab. BUT, i don't feel badly enough to get another dog LOL one is more than enough. i do miss the other dog but i also feel a sense of relief because he was really getting sick and too much to deal with.

well, i am off to bed here soon. hockey started tonight. one more thing to make me busy. ugh!

mlhb

happy halloween everyone. this is the first year ever that i am not taking my kids trick or treating. they are with their father which sucks quite honestly. i love taking them and haven't missed a year doing it since they were born! so i am kind of bummed. i scheduled myself to work late so i would not be home to think about it. then when i do get home, i am going to do a good work out.

later
mlhb

Happy Halloween!
I'll be handing out candy by myself as my girls are with dad too.

I need to start the self=improvement binge that you are on, as I'm feeling in the dumps lately.

Today I would have gotten off work early for me and SS to carve our pumpkins.

I HATE the OM and my wife for taking these family activities from me. He||, I hate him for destroying my family and he got to keep his.


I hope SS remembers us doing these things together.

I really miss him.

Pariah, for most of us, we just do the events on a different day. Like Trunk or Treat on Sunday night, small pumpking carving, and on Monday night, big pumpkin carving.

For you, it is very different. It must feel bad to miss out on his life.
Have you considered becoming a Big Brother, to help a child in need.

I was a Big Brother once.

The mother used me as an excuse to go ******.

Pariah,
Of course, your step-son remembers doing all these things with you. Those memories are a gift no one can take away from him, or from you.

Excited...got me nails did last night...did the dry run of my costume prep.....soooo cute....can't wait to get off work and go get DS and take him TT in his optimas costume....The minutes arn't ticking by fast enough....

so i am going to add to my "me" thread posts about how i am doing in the world of getting my body where i want it to be.
anyone who wants to join in please do <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

so yesterday went well. i am trying to move myself into a more natural kind of eating and only eating very healthy things. as of yesterday (and i am going to weigh in every other day i have decided. every day can be discouraging) i am down around 45 pounds. (i am NOT posting weights here LOL) i did not get my work out in yesterday since i decided to have fun and feed the little trick or treaters. they are so cute. my ex even brought mine over so i could see their costumes.

i am trying to have between 1200-1400 a day and TRYING to exercise every day. my treadmill died last spring and i have my eyes open for someone who may be selling one. till then i try to get out and walk. (i really hate exercise dvds but will do them if desperate). i had yummy things yesterday like fruit smoothie, vegetables on wheat bread, a small grilled chicken wrap, whole wheat cereal. i ended up around 1400 yesterday.

i'll post today's later. and i am going to try and get out of work early enuff to walk tonight before it gets dark.

i have been using all natural products on my skin since having my all natural facial. i was having problems with over the counter stuff, it was making me have yucky skin. so i hit the vegan all natural foods store and simply got face wash, a toner, body wash, and lotion. in the last 2 weeks, i kid you not, i have had 2 people who do not know me literally tell me they thought i was about 10 years younger than what i am! needless to say, i will keep going all natural and keep getting those facials! woohoo! i think it helps that i stopped tanning as well. fair skin just looks younger i think.

so there is all my news that is fit to print.
off to work
mlhb

why does it cost so darn much to eat healthy? that is just wrong. i went shopping for all of my healthy faves: my fruit and v8 fruit juice for smoothies, veggies, wheat breads, wheat bagels and pitas and wraps, veggie pizza, veggie soup, lara bars, and other wholesome goodies. no meat mind you, as i am really trying to go completely vegetarian and mostly raw (not completely, but mostly), very very limited amounts of dairy. (i was doing really well with this up to the end of june. then dealing with all of the emotions i have been going through since that point due to you know what, i have had a hard time getting back on track. but i am now. so i know i can eat this way and i feel great when i do).

anyway, all of that wonderful healthy food is crazy expensive. a bottle of v8 fruit juice almost 4 dollars! 4 bucks for a container of strawberries. i could go on and on. almost 200 dollars later... ridiculous. good thing i have that good job now and money is not the issue it was.

i also ordered more exercise dvds. had to break down and do it. i simply do not have time to get a walk in at night now with work and college and kids sports. plus, it gets dark so early. i got the new firm series and a jazzercise dvd. oh, and yoga too. i should be set.

have a good weekend all. my dd and i are cleaning her room today, tons of laundry to put away, my son has an all day b'day party and his football trophy party. tomorrow they both have b'day parties. ugh! my sister's b'day is next weekend and i think i am going to have us have a girl day. pedicures or something.

busy as usual.
later

mlhb

just saying hi and happy sunday to all :-)

mlhb

i am VERY excited! i am hopefully signing up for a teacher class in february to take place in nyc by the author of the book i am doting on called "the raw food detox diet". it is a 2 day class that teaches you all about this way of eating and then if you choose, you can teach it to others where you live. i have emailed for info and my $$ deposit has to be in by dec 13. I AM VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS OPPORTUNITY! i have never been to nyc but what the heck, i can handle it. i can catch a commuter plane from here to there and be there in no time.

i plan to write more about this on my "goal" blog, the link is below. who wants to go with me? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

mlhb