ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT! I would suggest, with your permission, that we make your letter a post in and of itself for all BS who need to expose to the workplace.

ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!

Regards,

BB

Thanks BB. I'm afraid I can't take credit for the letter since I used a letter that was in a link provided and just changed a few things. I think that you may have been the one that provided the link.

In other news: I finally reached OWH and he is still in major denial. I told him that I called so he would have a chance to save his marriage and that I had evidence. I told him I'd show him if he wanted to meet me in a public place. He just flatly denies anything was going on and I know HE KNOWS.

I wasn't sure how to respond to his denials but I did the best I could. I also wished him luck and said I'd contact him if he really wanted to see the evidence, but that it was painful to look at.

Sounds like her husband is not ready to face the facts yet. Is he ill, or still working and independent? Do they have children?

I only remember a very few cases where the OP's spouse stayed in denial. But you have done what you can do.

Good job!

Hi believer,

Thank you. I was really nervous about calling him but I was very calm throughout as I stated the facts. Whether he'd truly be willing to meet with me and see the evidence remains to be seen.

He is ill with a degenerative disorder but I guess it is somewhat under control at this time. He does work because they have a sideline business together and he has another part-time job at night once or twice a week. They don't have any children.

I've been expecting H to call and be upset that I called OWH again. I told OWH that I know he will call his wife and she in turn will inform my H. I had to call my H because his doctor called looking for him and he didn't sound upset or anything so either OWH didn't call his wife or my H doesn't give a hoot that I called OWH. Or my H is just "playing it cool."

Oh, her hubby may be in shock and hasn't said anything yet. I'm sure your husband will get wind of it. Be sure to try to remember some of the things he responds with so I can add them to my list for future posters.

Good job Charlotte. I know this is hard. You did the right thing.

Thank you believer & Michele G.

I'll try to remember some of what he says. So far it's been pretty much by-the-book.

Thanks again to everybody for the advice & support. I'm trying to hold myself together.

It sounds like you're doing really well. Hang in there!

So, what kind of evidence do you have that you're about to show it to the OWH?

Hi BA1,

I have evidence that cannot be refuted or denied. It's both in written form and photographic. I don't know if I'll end up showing it to OWH...he wants me to drive to their town to show him and they are probably a good hour to hour 1/2 drive from where we are. And what if I call him and tell him I"m at McDonald's or some other public spot and he just doesn't show up because he's in such denial about it?

I don't have their physical address but it wouldn't be that hard to get...it's on Intelius if I choose to pay for the info. It came up when I did a reverse search on their phone number. I don't relish the idea of driving to their actual home with the evidence. What if he flips out and decides to take everyone out including himself? I had an uncle who was murdered because he was dating a female who was also dating his best friend and his best friend stabbed him and killed him. He didn't die right away...he lingered for 3 weeks or so. There was nothing else doctors could do for him because the damage from the knife was so extensive.

So I think about that...and that's something my mom is worried about as well...that someone will freak out and just take everybody out with themselves.

I just talked to H a few minutes ago. He's on his way home, late as usual and both of us were polite and cordial. Even though I know he was with her and not just working late. I'm not going to let him bait me tonight. I think tomorrow will be much worse though, since I sent the letter to HR w/overnight shipping.

C.

Charlotte, if the man doesn't want to know then he doesn't want to know, I guess. Does he know how to get in touch with you if he changes his mind? Or could you offer to mail it or email it to him? [scan it at Kinkos] The important thing is that it is available to him and he has a way to contact you.

On the day that HR is to receive your letter, I would plan to call his parents PERSONALLY, any other close siblings, friends, your parents, pastor, anyone else you can think of. Your FIL needs to hear from you personally because you will want to tell him about the affair and, very important ----> ask for his ADVICE. This may motivate him to speak to his son and support you. Is his mother alive?

Also, in this letter to Human Resources, you did give their names, right?

Hi Melody,

HR will receive the letter today. Should I still call his immediate supervisor? Yes, their names are in the letter.

OWH wants to see the evidence. I told him I would meet him in a public place so I guess I will call him and set it up.

H slept on the couch last night so I'm sure he talked to his AP. I was called a two-faced B because I was nice and normal and acted like nothing had transpired between us over the weekend. He doesn't know I heard. It hurt a lot. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep so I went and told him that I had talked to OWH and I didn't want H to think I was keeping this from him. He asked me why and I told him that I'm sure that OWH loves his wife and he would want to save their marriage.

It was all calm and in low voices. Then I went back to bed. I woke up when he was getting ready for work. We didn't talk but he kissed me goodbye and I told him to have a good day.

I guess he'll want to leave our home before the day is over so I'm trying to prepare myself mentally for his walking out.

C.

Please if anyone has a minute...

Best Advisor,



I note that you are a relatively new member and, after reading your other posts which are not supportive of the MarriageBuilders principles, I am wondering why you are asking this question. The only two possible answers I can see are 1) you are a voyeaur who delights in drama, or 2) you are an OW or, even, Charlotte's OW and conducting reconnaissance.

BB

Charlotte, I'm here.

Charlotte? You okay?

I don't understand BB...I thought I was doing everything right. What am I doing wrong?

Bellevue, I was wondering if I still need to call H's boss. I need to call OWH to set up the meeting so he can see the evidence. I am just plain scared of what's going to happen today. I don't even know if I want to be here when he comes home. But I have to be here. I just want to know that I'm doing the right thing. From others who are helping me I'm being told I am but then BB says I'm not. What do I do? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Charlotte, BB was speaking to BestAdvisor, not to you! You are doing fine. (((Charlotte))))

Oh, I see now that I went back to read it again. Still scared and feeling very alone right now...

Charlotte, I don't get from BB's post that she thinks you are not doing the right thing. She was posting to another poster who has not been on the Boards very long, someone we know nothing about.

I wish I could be there to stand next to you and hold your hand. You are absolutely doing the right thing to save your marriage and fight for your man. How I admire your courage!

In your exposure letter to your H's employer, did you ask him to call you once he had read it?

As to whether you should call the employer, I will defer to Melody or other successful MB members. She knows the Plan inside out, and her recovery is successful.

You know my story .... I'm the one who didn't expose and now I'm divorced. I am a good hand holder though.

Oh, and Best Advisor is the new poster, the one who is unfamiliar to the Harley's concepts. Look to the older posters, I mean the ones who have been here longest, rather than to him/her.

(((((((((((((Charlotte))))))))))))))